Friend 'asking' for £3k for 4th birthday party for her DD.

[parkyn]

I'm Godmother to my friend's child. The child turns 4 at the end of August. I'm CF (child-free) and earn a fair bit more than she does. Also, her income is a PT one due to her childcare commitments whereas I work FT. I live alone and yes, you could argue my life is 'simpler' than hers - but my outgoings aren't next to nothing.

She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc... but no mention of the cake for the child (yet) etc...

She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

It's beyond awkward - and me being CF, I have no idea how much a child's birthday party costs - but I can't imagine every parent dropping £3k a year per child per birthday party. AIBU to think this is excessive?

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

Your ‘friend’ is really taking the piss. I would not even spend that amount on any party. Your friend is being totally unreasonable. From the sound of it, most of the money is destined for booze. Frankly I disapprove of having loads of pissed parents at my kid’s party. Bonkers.

I spent £500-600 on my DD party last year and thought that was excessive!

I have 5 children, and for their birthdays when they were this young, we would hire our local village hall which was £85 roughly, and we would make sandwiches, sausage rolls etc, party food, husband would make the cake, and they would get A gift.
The parents of the other kids invited would get a cup of tea and a Jammy Dodger if the kids hadn't nabbed them all...and I loved every single messy party.

It never cost more than around £180 odd (might be more now sadly the way things have gone up!) and that's all the food, the hall, and probably pressie too.
I would personally kick out any mum or dad at my kids birthday party that was pissed, this day is about my kids birthday, not how Hattie-Marie III's Mother has quaffed too much champers without nibbling enough cucumber sandwiches and has ended up throwing up Ones innards on the bloody begonias!

That's a ridiculous amount of money! My 4 year olds birthday party cost £120! That was entertainment, food and drink for the kids. I generally wouldn't cater to a load of adults at a child's birthday party, it becomes more about the adults than the child that way. Do not contribute, bring a gift for your god daughter, that is all.

Absolutely outrageous.

I think we spend around £300 per party (5 and 7) but that includes 15-20 guests, an activity theme maybe a guest appearance from a character, a to order cake and decent party bags. Certainly nothing like £3,000! Blimey 😳

If parents of children are invited, I'd tell them if they want alcohol to feel free to bring their own. Kids only eat sarnis, crisps & ice cream at parties anyway. Where does she get 3k from?? My wedding in a posh hotel didn't cost that much!

£100 maximum as the child will be at nursery. I spent £600 on my son’s 6th birthday party but that was hall hire, kids kart driving, favours, ice cream hire and snacks. The parents didn’t get anything at all apart from a glass of water. Seems insane £3k for a party.

Do not give her a penny xx

My boys party at kidzania including entry for 10 kids and a £50 cake was about £350, I thought that was expensive. Village halls I have frequented probably the same with a kids entertainer and food.

Is your friend a Kardishan..

Are you sure she didn't mean £300

Less than £100 in this house.

Just buy the child a gift. She is soooo cheeky!

Cripes, i'd want a small car for 3 grand. You're "friend" is trying to abuse your good nature and obvious good salary

Mark my words - this is no friend.
Unless she is trying to gloat about the cost (you will know this best, still an icky trait) and is saying it in jest.
Just because you have made different life choices and have more disposable income that does not mean you are under any obligation to provide anything. I’ve had numerous parties over the years for my children, not once have I asked anyone to provide anything for those parties.

Tell her that four year olds don’t drink champagne 😂

£3K!!?? Is she mental!!? My kids have always had a birthday party doing various activities. i.e. soft play area , waterparks, party at home, tree trek etc & the most its ever cost is £250 and thats in recent years on 10th & 13th birthdays. Children's parties don't involve alcohol & are for the children!? Put £50 in a card for kid or present equal amount & plenty enough for 4 year old. If the mother wants to party with bubbly etc tell her to do it on her own time. Cheeky mare 😡🤬🤯

Don’t start sponsoring birthday parties for the child. She’s not yours and you’re not responsible to pay for parties or anything else. It’s nice that you give nice gifts and spend time with her occasionally but no more than that. Your so call friend wants you to spend your money to support her lifestyle. Please do not let yourself be used in this way. I would be so offended by the ask that I would end the friendship. She’s got some nerve that one.

As she's your goddaughter: "of course I'll contribute: I'll sort the cake!"

Kid is 4.
Kid won't remember it neither will the other kids.
The only thing I remember with every party for my kids was to triple the amount of jelly and ice cream I bought because as soon as it came out someone says "Ooh I haven't had that in ages" and every adult present ends up with a bowl (and yes they wanted sprinkles too 😊).
The last thing you want is handling a bunch of 4 year olds who realise their parents are getting pissed on far too much fizz and they can run riot.
Get a bottle or some beers to offer a little something but ....
Your mate is nuts.

Omg is even on this planet ! That’s ridiculous! We held a large party for our 4 year old , our choice and we did not ask anyone to contribute! bouncy castle and other hire of toys were about £300. We had 20 children and 40 adults. We fed children and adults and bought alcohol for the non driving parent. With hire of hall, cake, face painting and food total cost was about £1,200 and most of that was the actual food at £35 a head!

I don't understand why you are even considering it OP, you have no obligation to contribute to this party (piss-up), none at all. If I were you I would buy your godchild a decent birthday present and card and leave it at that. You have no reason to feel guilty either

I literally private hired an entire soft play area for my twins 4th birthday (they just started a new school and was in separate classes so it was an effort to get to know everyone as they already had established friend groups as they were all there a year before us) I think I probably paid 400 for the soft play, food, cakes, party bags basically every thing. Bare in mind this is for 2 children with approx 40 kids that attended. If they were separate ages it equals 200 per party. This is ridiculous.

For once I have not read the full thread (apologies as these points will no doubt have been made already) but I have just catered a joint 30th/ 70th birthday party in the house and garden for my husband and daughter. There were around 80 guests - all adults. I served a lovely South African Graham Beck fizz at c £14 a bottle. (Chosen for Barak Obama’s inauguration meal so although not champagne, pretty drinkable). Guests drank 49 bottles so £686 on fizz. Also served red and white wine plus beer and soft drinks. Much less of that drunk. All in, booze was probably £1.25k. 2 large 3-tier naked cakes from M&S were £50 each. Cheeses, cold meats, loads of smoked salmon, salads and fresh fruit and berries, decorations for cakes, and petit fours and chocolates came to less than £650 in Costco. I spent £150 on fresh flowers and £40 on balloons. Plus £120 on disposable cameras. So a party for 80 adults which ran from 7pm to 3.30am and where everyone had as much fizz as they wanted and groaning plates of high quality food came in at just over £2200. There were plenty leftovers. That’s your comparison.
If you pay for this, you will be paying for every party until the child is 21. They will get increasingly extravagant.
Also, booze at a 4 year-old’s party is not a great idea. People will need to drive and be sober enough to look after small children. If there is an injury, parents will need to be sober to take a child to hospital. I really dislike adults drinking around groups of small, energetic children.
Your friend is completely out of line. I would fund nothing for her. However, I would tell her you are opening an account for her child and will deposit a sum every birthday, which the child and only the child, will be able to access at 21. Don’t tell your friend how much and don’t give her access. This will shut down any more requests for money. “I’m sorry, I can’t contribute to your spa holiday/ Botox fund/ champagne habit. I am saving that money for my goddaughter”. Good luck navigating this relationship going forward.

Sounds like the plot to Workin Moms on Netflix

Since when was getting boozed up a thing at a young child’s party, ffs? Don’t give her a penny. I’ve never heard of godparents paying for kids bday parties anyway.