Friend 'asking' for £3k for 4th birthday party for her DD.

[parkyn]

I'm Godmother to my friend's child. The child turns 4 at the end of August. I'm CF (child-free) and earn a fair bit more than she does. Also, her income is a PT one due to her childcare commitments whereas I work FT. I live alone and yes, you could argue my life is 'simpler' than hers - but my outgoings aren't next to nothing.

She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc... but no mention of the cake for the child (yet) etc...

She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

It's beyond awkward - and me being CF, I have no idea how much a child's birthday party costs - but I can't imagine every parent dropping £3k a year per child per birthday party. AIBU to think this is excessive?

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

When my DCs turned 4, we had a party at home for their school friends so the only cost was food for the children (sandwiches, crisps, cakes, ingredients for birthday cake). Maybe paper plates and cups and a few balloons so probably £30 or so at the time.

Thanks for all the responses. It turns out (as predicted) it was indeed a celebration of her 'return to London' (she lived abroad up until a few months ago) - and happens to coincide with my GC's birthday. It was not really a kid's party (shocker!) as the venue is a very nice restaurant in C London - most of the cost was for the venue/catering. She argued she doesn't need the whole £3k but a contribution - which is still unheard of in my opinion. It's a drinks party held in a nice venue dressed up as a kid's party - only because the fellow Mum friends will be bringing their kids too.

I will of course be buying a gift for my GC (as this is the first birthday where she and I will be in the same city) and provide a cake of her choice. That's it.

I genuinely did not know the cost of of kid's party as I do not have children, but as I said in my OP, I know it is not close to £3k. As I said in my later posts, I thought it would be £600 tops - and maybe £1k if going crazy/all out for some reason.

I once went to a birthday party that seemed on the 'higher end' - but that was only because the family had been through a horrific year - and they totally deserved the celebration they put on. Yes, they paid for it all themselves.

I am disappointed and disheartened at how this unfolded (and the way she went about it). I do think it'll be all for show/social media. I am happy to be there for my GC of course.

I think there's too much on TV/social media showing that parties have to be theses extravagant affairs. I do not drink/have children, so I was totally lost on how many parents get sucked into this stuff. I was comforted to know it was not many judging by the posts on here.

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Unfortunately, she ended the conversation by lamenting the fact that 'had to work' and carrying on about how she can't provide everything she wants to provide for her child. (She works PT, I work FT). It left a sour taste in my mouth.

@parkyn

And her last words bear out what I said earlier, even though you've said 'no' IMHO this is just the opening salvo in a little 'battle' that may go on for 18 years. You can expect further requests for money for school, prom, driving lessons, holidays, school trips, Uni, what have you.

The way I see it you have two choices, let things ride and deal with each request as it arises hoping each will be the last, or you can sit your friend down and have a frank discussion of what she sees as your 'financial role' in her child's life. If you don't like the answers then you can graciously yield the title of godmother back to her to bestow upon a more financially worthy individual.

I will of course be buying a gift for my GC (as this is the first birthday where she and I will be in the same city) and provide a cake of her choice. That's it.

Good. Stick to your guns, and don't let her guilt trip you into parting with any more money.

What you’re suggesting @parkyn is pretty traditional godmother stuff. And as your god daughter grows, no doubt you’ll take her out for treats, but these will be at your invitation and a chance for you to spend time with your goddaughter not paying for yummy mummies to swig champagne.

I hope your goddaughter enjoys her present and cake. And that you take delight in spending time with her.

Your friends party is all over X now

Can I be sold bold to suggest the “Colin the Caterpillar” cake from M&S or his equally charming friend “Cuthbert the Caterpillar” from Aldi

Well handled OP. You are doing more than you really would be expected to do as a Godparent. Don’t let her fleece you with a Designer Cake! These can stretch to quite a few hundred!

I’m really sorry you have seen this side of her. She clearly hoped ( and probably still does) that she could somehow benefit financially from you, and from making you the GM, and that’s always a horrible realisation.

Just remind yourself that it shows her up as the shallow, grasping type she is and says nothing about you. A Godparent is not a financial role. Fwiw, I have helped people out ( not, admittedly with their champagne “needs”); but it has always been people who would never think to even ask, let alone guilt trip. Those latter types can fend for themselves…

And Waitrose do some lovely cakes to order for around £35-40 including a gorgeous little toadstool fairy house!

Yeh- I would have liked a return to Bath party at £3k after 20 months in Copenhagen - as it was 5 of us went out for a drink and paid for ourselves

Oooh googles for DD…

I went to an 8 year olds party where there was alcohol (first kids party I’d been to with alcohol) and it was literally £4 bottles from Aldi and there were about 5 bottles in total! £3000 is just bizarre tbh even including expensive booze???!?

No thanks I don’t want to contribute! I also don’t think the parents will be wanting to drink . It’s a child’s birthday party! This would be my reply!
kids party’s are not cheap anymore especially if they hire an entertainer. But the child is 4. Soft play with a buffet isn’t 3k! Your friend is a CF! And I don’t mean child free either!!

She's a user!
Give £20 in a card to the child & a bag of sweets.
Maybe a wee outfit.

You don't need to contribute to the adults party....

Your friend is delusional. It’s fine to spend £3k on your child’s birthday if you have the money spare and want to, but it’s ridiculous to want to do so when you don’t have it. Aside from that I think it’s bloody stupid regardless. What a bloody waste. She is a CF of the highest order and stupid with it!

I think I would reconsider this friendship. She is clearly nuts and very self-centred. This is clearly to impress other grownups rather than it really being about giving her DD the best time! She needs to re-prioritise and scale down her plans and pay for it herself, to her true budget.

Here in NI
At a recreation Center, room with bouncey castle and bike type toys is £80 hold up to 25 kids.
Then I supplied, cake sweets food and party bags.
Bout £150

Erm... shes not a kardashian 😂😂

For my 4th birthday my mum made a cake and we had about 15 kids in the living room playing pass the parcel. The biggest expense was the party bags, although I'm pretty sure they weren't £3k.

What a huge waste of money. Don't offer a single penny, or she'll expect it every year!!

I always spent too much on DD’s parties - but - even with venue hire, food, decorations and party bags - NEVER went over £500 - and that’s in North London.

She's an absolute idiot what a cheek. My kids parties cost £100 tops going back a few years .A 4 year old would be happy with a play centre and a party bag. It's an excuse for an adults piss up. Tell her to do one.

Depends on where you have the party and the number of children invited. So for my DC first school party we invited whole class so 32 kids and a few close friends kids. Totally 30 rsvp, and so we paid around £300 at the local leisure centre which involved 1hr 15 mins of softplay and 45 mins of food and cake cutting. The cake cost about £60 and we ordered from M & S. Then we did party bags with cupcakes from Waitrose and a few other bits another £100. So totally around £500. No one needs to spend £3K on a kids party and especially when they clearly can’t afford it! Just daft!

If it’s £3k aged 4 what will it be at 16 CF

Your title is misleading. Doesn't sound like she's asking you for 3k

HRTFT... But, if you do want to make a contribution, you could offer to buy the cake. Big enough to feed the children, it doesn't have to stretch to adults.