Friend 'asking' for £3k for 4th birthday party for her DD.

[parkyn]

I'm Godmother to my friend's child. The child turns 4 at the end of August. I'm CF (child-free) and earn a fair bit more than she does. Also, her income is a PT one due to her childcare commitments whereas I work FT. I live alone and yes, you could argue my life is 'simpler' than hers - but my outgoings aren't next to nothing.

She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc... but no mention of the cake for the child (yet) etc...

She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

It's beyond awkward - and me being CF, I have no idea how much a child's birthday party costs - but I can't imagine every parent dropping £3k a year per child per birthday party. AIBU to think this is excessive?

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

I've just recently done my 4yo's birthday party. 25 kids, room hire, bouncy castle, food for everyone (including adults), tea/coffee for adults, birthday cake, game prizes, party bags: £275.

She's a chancer for sure!

I have a nine year old twin party next week. We both work FT and earn well. I’m having the sweats about spending £300ish including activities and food. I’d say the norm in a party place is around £10/15 a head. At home much less, very little if you wanted to. Few decs, food cake etc.

Godmother(?)

She doesn't sound a particularly spiritual person.

It's weird to ask anyone (including god parents) to pay for your child's birthday party.

It's weird to spend £3k on your child's birthday party when you're not completely loaded.

It's weird to throw a 4 year old's party in a restaurant when most excited 4 year olds just want to run around like maniacs screaming at the top of their voices.

Resist the weirdness!

My kids are 6 and 7, and we haven't crossed into four figures - let alone three grand - for all of their parties put together so far.

I think it's on us when asked though to push back on the role of godparent
As some others suggested, id be offering something like ' delighted to organize the cake and see you there along with a small trip to the cinema etc.'
You need to change her expectations

I’ve got such intense Deja vu reading this. You say you haven’t posted about this before OP so there’s more than one of these CFs about. I’m sure I read very similar last year.

£3k is an utterly insane amount for anyone to consider spending on a 4 year old's birthday party. It smacks of someone (your friend) who has more money than sense even if her finances are tight.

When my children were that age we used to have their parties at the local soft play centre. The usual package was that they could invite about 10 or 12 friends and the cost would be something like £10 per child. Something like that. It involved the use of a small function room where basic party food was provided plus use of the facilities alongside all other general paying customers. Drinks for parents were not needed or expected. Those who did stick around just bought themselves tea, coffee and snacks from the on-site café.

I'm sure prices will have risen in the twenty or more years since I last had to do the purgatory that is children's birthday parties, but £3k is just ridiculous.

Give her nothing. Don't even mention it or offer. I don't see why anything like this should be considered a godparent's role. Just buy the child a nice present and that's all you need to do.

I thought this was a children’s birthday party, not an adult cocktail party. Who will be looking after the children when the parents are all drunk?

Not sure from your OP how well you know this woman, but being asked to be the godmother, I would guess pretty well. However, if possible, I would relinquish my god-parenting duties. I realize it is not the child’s fault, or whatever you want to call it, but this woman sounds grabby and entitled. If you succumb to this ridiculous request in whatever amount, it will only encourage her to ask for more non-stop.

The gall of some people.

EXACTLY 💯

I would 100% honestly respond with "A kids 4th birthday party in a restaurant with champagne?! Will your next request be that I babysit so she isnt even there?! HAHA!!! I love your sense of humour! Or, in case you are not joking....HARD NO"

Paying for alcohol for a child's birthday party is nuts. It's a kids birthday party??? Why

I'm beginning to wonder if any children are actually invited! As you implied Neolara, you just don't hold a party for 4 year olds at a "posh" restaurant. I am wondering now if the restaurant even knows that it will be hosting a party for 4 year olds!

Geezuz
big fat NO

I have three kids and I don’t think I ever spent more than £300 max on any of their parties, and the bulk of that was probably bouncy castle hire and party bags. We’ve done it all - bouncy castle in a church hall, soft play, Kidzania, party in the park, cinema, Build-a-Bear, and I’m convinced I’ve not spent more than £300, let alone £3k. Your friend is, unfortunately, taking the piss.

Say yes you’ll contribute…then ask how much exactly is a Colin caterpillar cake in marks and Spencer’s these days???

You would never get it back

Or, if you are lucky she'll pay you ba k £7 per month for a few months.

Just say no.
No explanation is necessary, she is trying to pull a fast one.

Ahhaahhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha 😂🤣😂🤣😂 would by my response. Honestly. Try it.

Mum of 4 here. My kids GM are my best friends! And I am GM to one of their kids (so, one child per friend). The reason I chose them is because we have been through thick and thin and we are each other ride or dies. Their values and views sync with mine, may not be the same as mine but they sync. Their economic or social status has never been a factor.

One of them is super rich, so her kids parties are more lavish but, im talkin £1000 max. And we are talking about a 4 year old. When my youngest turned 4 we went to a soft play area. Its £10 per child, for 2 hours, including food. The parents were welcome to stay. I dont stay at kids parties unless is one of my friends kids, and i would usually be helping them, not drinking alcohol. Maybe we would have a drink or two once the party is over.

i have never asked any of my kids godparents to give money for anything, nor have i ever been asked/expected to do so!

Exactly. She wants OP to fund a piss up for her and her mates !!

It costs what you can afford.

I’m sure very wealthy people spend thousands and others make a cake and serve it in the kitchen.

You don’t like her every much though do you.

I would not fund the party! But maybe set up a children's isa and put money in yearly for her.

I budget around £200 for my kids parties if they are at a soft play or similar.Less if at home.

If she was asking me to cough up three grand for a champagne party based on a very skewed idea of what a godmothers’ responsibilities are, l doubt l’d like her very much tbh.

Most parents in charge of 4 year old children at a child’s birthday party don’t drink or drink very little if they actually stay

Tell your friend to reduce her expected alcohol consumption to zero and lay on tea, coffee and juices. Other parents will judge and think she has a problem with alcohol if she starts laying on booze to that extent.

The irony is she's doing this to impress her yummy mummy friends, but I guarantee they'll think she's mad. Nobody does this for a 4 year old's birthday, even those who can well afford it. My money is on them being enthusiastic to her face, but bitch about her over the top flashiness behind her back. If they're "old money" London yummy mummies, they'll be snobbish about what they see as an uncouth waste of money.