Friend 'asking' for £3k for 4th birthday party for her DD.

[parkyn]

I'm Godmother to my friend's child. The child turns 4 at the end of August. I'm CF (child-free) and earn a fair bit more than she does. Also, her income is a PT one due to her childcare commitments whereas I work FT. I live alone and yes, you could argue my life is 'simpler' than hers - but my outgoings aren't next to nothing.

She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc... but no mention of the cake for the child (yet) etc...

She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

It's beyond awkward - and me being CF, I have no idea how much a child's birthday party costs - but I can't imagine every parent dropping £3k a year per child per birthday party. AIBU to think this is excessive?

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

Champagne????

At a FOUR year olds birthday party?????

To me and my friends (normal working class people) birthday parties for small children are held at home/in the garden/or a soft play, pub play area type of thing. Supermarket cake, bits of buffet food for kids and adults no more than £100.

Kids party here costs £25 a head for 60 min trampolining followed by pizza and chips.

About £200. Usually somewhere child focused and not serving alcohol.
It’s generally not the done thing to have alcohol and make it about the grown ups by age 4. Ok for a 1yo party, but age 4 is prime excitement-at-birthday age, so you want to make it all about them.

To be clear, I wasn't saying that's how much I would spend (if I had a child) - I was stretching it to say if some parents really wanted alcohol/champagne (I personally wouldn't) - then that would naturally add to the expenses. But it still shouldn't get anywhere near close to £3k.

As I said in the post, I can see it being £500-600 tops - which is in keeping with a lot of the posters who said they'd spent £300-£400 - and even that was stretching it.

I don't have children, no. But of course, I know the cost of sandwiches, soft drinks etc... I just didn't know about soft play centres - and hiring them out. Do you hire out an area/the whole thing? Do you cater to the parents too? How many kids do you typically invite? Is it the whole class? (Although at 3, the whole class is more like a small group).

Hence my post/questions. I wasn't justifying the amount in any way.

Do NOT contribute. Only give the child a gift and that’s it. No wonder she’s having money problems

For DC's 4th birthday we had an at home party. Pre school friends and parents and family were invited. We booked a trampoline which was about £100, but to be honest we needed have bothered as they were happy enough running around the garden and playing organised games - musical statues, musical chairs, pass the parcel etc. Catering was party food from the supermarket. I think some people contributed a few dishes. Some of the parents brought wine or beer. I would be surprised if it was much more than a couple of hundred quid.

Fully believe you bur my main question to my friend would be why are you worried about "bad" hangovers. Surely the adults shouldn't be getting THAT pissed at a child's 4th birthday party.

I feel sorry for the child. Sounds like she has something pretentious planned that he/she is absolutely going to hate.

Maybe she has watched some of the indulgent Kardashian/Jenner children’s parties with all the extravagant balloon displays and the sweets cakes and entertainers for inspiration

I would offer to contribute a specific thing if you really want to help eg “happy to pay for cake for xx birthday if it’s under xx amount”

So OP I think to summarise people are saying a pretty decent party for that age is about £350 - and that should include something like soft play or maybe an entertainer with limited duties. With a bit of home cake-baking etc many scale that back to more like £200. Some go up to round the £1,000/£1,500 mark if self-funded and willing, but acknowledge that is more than they really need to spend. So she’s at about twice that higher budget (and isn’t even easily able to afford it) … so she’s quite out of sync with the rest of us…

I don't think I've spent more than £150 for a child's party, ever.

Also going to a restaurant for your 4th birthday sounds shit.

I would buy the child a lovely present but stay well clear of anything you do with the party.

This. Spot on. This is what I was summarising with my last post. Many also acknowledged that they went overboard with hindsight. Agreed. She is, of course, free to do whatever she wants for her child - just as anyone is free to do what they like for their child - but you have to be able to easily afford it/not get yourself into debt as a result/ask others to pay for it etc...

I think it's the social media way now. Everything is for 'show' and 'Instagram'.

It was actually 'comforting' to see all the responses of people spending a fraction of the cost - and to know their kids (and kids' friends) had a great time.

It is not a God Parent duty to pay for or even organise a God Child's birthday party.

God Parents attend the Christening, and if the child is lucky the God Parent remembers their birthdays - with a card and a gift.

Being a religious position, I would expect a suitable Christmas gift, and maybe something at Easter

I think you are being taken for a financial ride here, and she is trying to make a fool out of you...

Do not contribute - I’d be 😵 if the party cost £500 let alone £3k

I would politely decline and her response will tell you all you need to know whether to carry this ‘friendship’ any further

It varies, but I've thrown modest bday parties for my kids and they've cost around £350. It can cost more once they're at school and invite the whole class.
3k for a 4th birthday is ridiculous, unless she's hiring a manor house, ponies, ice cream van and a magician!

The most expensive party we hosted for dd had an entertainer that cost £275. I had a special reason for booking this.

Add to this some party food for 30 kids, the price of the church hall for 2.5 hours, party bags, a cake we probably spent £400. I felt this was quite extravagant 5 years ago.

Most other parties have been £100 - £250. That’s even including a pony party.

£3k is WILD. That’s wedding territory OP. Tell her to fuck off.

All kids want to do at that age is run around wild, kick balloons, eat party food and cake.

This! Depends what type of party it is of course. I arranged a bowling party for my DS's 6th birthday, I think it was about £12 a kid. DS has attended parties at soft play centres, trampoline parks etc etc. Also, not heard of a kid's party where the parents are served champagne! Doesn't sound like the party is for the 4 year old.

I can't believe that you even think she should need to know this. Knowledge is relevant; I'm sure she knows things that you don't know about, as they don't pertain to your life.

My entire wedding cost 3k!! Ridiculous! Tell her to do one... my 4 year old had a bouncy castle in a community centre with food and party games. Cost about £150!!

I thought the post about someone paying their neigbour £50 for a fridge they wouldn't use was mad, but this is full on 1000% James Cleverly Rwanda batshit crazy.
Or they just got the decimal place wrong and they meant £3
Or 3000 North Korean Won.

To be frank does she know what a godparent is?

Honestly where I'm from its extremely low frills and basically, if anything happened to you...the people bar family that you would heavily trust to be involved with your child's spiritual and life support.
It's serious, not alcohol funding.

I have 6 nieces and nephews. All grown up now, the last party of these was 8 years ago.

I gave each of them a "big" birthday for their 10th birthday party. Never spent more than £200 in total. They got a magician (he was free as family but was a professional, he wouldn't take anything for it) , full class and other friends + guests siblings as needed, party bags, cake, hot and cold buffet, soft drinks, games and dancing in the garden, mini trophies for prizes,

5th childs party was the biggest as she had her dance and drama class friends at it too.

We had 60 x 9/10 year olds, plus all our family and tea/coffee and sandwiches & cake for any parents who wanted to stay.

We had about 25 parents gathered in the kitchen (watching the magician and chatting), I baked the cake, made tons of sandwiches, sausage rolls, pizza slices, garlic bread, crisps, No champagne in sight.

Followed by a disco in the garden, we borrowed speakers & lights and hooked up a laptop It was chaotic, high energy and loads of fun. It was 3-4 hours on a Sunday afternoon. The place was a mess but the happiness was high.

They all still talk about their turning into double digits. 2 of them claim its their favourite party despite soft plays / bouncy castles etc on other years.

I feel like the title 'godparent' has changed.

As a previous poster said, her brother 'only picked rich godparents'.

Another poster said godparents 'weren't expected to fund/put money aside/create accounts for their GC' - as that is not the traditional role of godparents.

Another poster said she was asked 'because of her childfree status and job title'.

A few other posters said things along similar lines - so I really think the idea/role of a godparent has become so skewered in recent times.

Champagne at a 4 year olds party….hmmm. Not sounding like a 4 year olds party here. An excuse for a piss up maybe?