Friend 'asking' for £3k for 4th birthday party for her DD.

[parkyn]

I'm Godmother to my friend's child. The child turns 4 at the end of August. I'm CF (child-free) and earn a fair bit more than she does. Also, her income is a PT one due to her childcare commitments whereas I work FT. I live alone and yes, you could argue my life is 'simpler' than hers - but my outgoings aren't next to nothing.

She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc... but no mention of the cake for the child (yet) etc...

She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

It's beyond awkward - and me being CF, I have no idea how much a child's birthday party costs - but I can't imagine every parent dropping £3k a year per child per birthday party. AIBU to think this is excessive?

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

I'd be telling her spending £3k on a children's birthday party is not the norm in the UK but if that's how she wants to spend HER MONEY then crack on....

Sounds like a loon. Has she always been a bit unhinged?

I am in the process of organising my DS's 11 year birthday party and with all bells and whistles that is coming in at just under 1k, including paintball and cake. Granted I am assuming that all the parents will bring their own lattes or other coffees of preference and champagne is not on the menu. This is a child's birthday. Champagne, really???

You can do it for £100.

Big, whole class party in a hall with food, entertainer, balloons, party bags, cake - £400 - £500 absolute max.

Keep your hand OUT of your pocket.

She's asking her child-free friend to spend £3k on Champagne for her "mum friends". I mean....

Not for a 4th, but. My dcs 7th birthday cost about 250. Bouncy castle 50, food 60, party bags 50, decorations 30, nice birthday cake 60. Your 'friend' is a pisstaking fucker of the highest order

Yeah, are you even invited to this party?

Wow, that is insane! We’ve done a variety of parties (ages 3-7) from simple at home garden parties, hiring a hall and an entertainer, to venue like a soft play/ trampoline park, I’d say they average around £200-£300 and the kids have seemed to have a wonderful time, it’s not a party for the parents!

OMG. I consider a liberal birthday budget to be £300-£400 and our gross annual pay is a lot.

We would splash thousands on, say, a 40th birthday party. To be fair, like your friend's party, these would involve lots of mates and we wouldn't skimp on drinks or food, but it's a celebration of a decade! Not an extravagant child's birthday.

My DH's parents don't loan to him or his sister without drawing up loan contracts that are legally binding, just because they like everything to be absolutely fair and so neither DC would lose out should they die and the loan be unpaid or something. If you ever feel you are able to loan this CF anything, do it this way and include interest after a period. Say it's a point of principle you won't budge on and those are the terms if she wants the money.

I don’t even understand why a godmother would put money in a bank account? When did Godparents morph into funders?

In my day they gave you a christening gift (traditionally usually silver bracelet or cup) , and a nice gift ( think book of poetry or fairy tales) each birthday and at some point ( because it was supposed to be the point of the role) that gift would be a Children’s bible . End of. It’s supposed to be about guiding the child ( esp if the parents die) in their religious upbringing. It’s got zero to do with funding.
edited to add ballet or afternoon tea eoujd be a lovely gesture. Paying for an OTT party is way beyond remit and it’s crass if her to ask.

I'd consider £500 expensive for a 4th birthday. 3k is crazy. She's CF.

Totally out of line. You could all fly to Disneyland Florida for that amount of money. Unfortunately your friend is a sponger who sees your CF lifestyle and good salary and thinks she can have a piece of it. If you give in now it'll be year after year of request. I'm afraid you'll have to put your foot down, even if it costs you this "friendship".

My 3 year olds birthday party is costing £300 for the venue and activities and then probably around £100-£150 for food, decorations and party bags which is a lot of money for us!! We have had to plan and save for it and wouldn’t expect anyone else to pay for it 😱

I don’t understand the alcohol thing either. I wouldn’t dream of having alcohol at my child’s birthday party!! A child’s birthday party is supposed to be all about them and what they enjoy and is supposed to be for them and their friends not the adults 🤷‍♀️

My daughter turns 3 in a few months.
mouth costs will be
£20-30 day out at the local farm or zoo
£10 birthday cake
no party, we make a big song and dance about it but I am not hiring a venue or putting on a party. And if I did it would be alcohol free- who’s going to be the unlucky parent chosen to not drink and watch the kids. alcohol doesn’t belong at a kids party

I’m planning on spending about £3k on my party for my 50th, abroad. Go figure😊

This is absolutely bizarre! Think of all the useful things and fun experiences you could give a child for £3k! And what’s it’s got to do with you – is she asking for a loan? Or for you to actually pay?

I went to a birthday party last week. There was some juice, a few sandwiches, fruit, a small cake and the kids just played in the garden. They had a whale of a time! What will four year olds even do at a fancy restaurant??

You don't need to know how much a child's party costs because you shouldn't be contributing to any part of it, even if there were no adults going.

If she can't afford it then she doesn't have a party.

Do NOT give her anything!

The price of a supermarket or home made cake, some finger foods and a bag of sweets for each child. Probably £100 or so.

Nobody will surely be getting to the point of hungover as they are looking after their child! Who will not love a nice restaurant for their party, why isn’t any of this planning at all about the children having a nice time too? No way.

Around my village bouncy castles are a thing for children’s parties. They must cost quite a bit between hiring them for 2.5 days, electricity to blow them up then man them whilst the children are bouncing around.

Wow. Smile, nod, buy a gift and card for the kid and say no more. Otherwise you’ll set yourself up as a piggy bank for ever more. My kids had great parties at home or in the church hall with homemade food, cake and a book/craft thing in a party bag whole thing for 100.00 max. Parents who stayed were happy with a cuppa and loads of buffet.

About a hundred quid plus the electricity.

I've never had a party costing more than £250. But that's at a venue.

My daughter's 4th birthday cost £60.

Hope that helps!

Oh for heaven's sake! 4 year old party? Nothing.

Find a church hall/village hall and bung them 50quid. Blow up a load of balloons, get a face painting kit, set up musical ahirs and pass the parcel, get biscuits, sarnies and cake and that's it. DIY easy and cheap.

I would say they average 100-250 depending on if at home, if you bring in something fun (rental boucy castle, or face painging etc.) and children that age are just as happy with a paddling pool in the garden, some fun games and crafts. In fact we went to a 4 year old's birthday last weekend and her parents did it for under 100. They had build you own cupcakes, a freeze dance game, a treasure hunt, some cut up fruit, a pinata. Was lovely.

Your friend is in for a lifetime of trouble if she thinks 3k is normal for a 4 year old. Where will it end?!?!?! 5k on a 5 year old?