Friend 'asking' for £3k for 4th birthday party for her DD.

[parkyn]

I'm Godmother to my friend's child. The child turns 4 at the end of August. I'm CF (child-free) and earn a fair bit more than she does. Also, her income is a PT one due to her childcare commitments whereas I work FT. I live alone and yes, you could argue my life is 'simpler' than hers - but my outgoings aren't next to nothing.

She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc... but no mention of the cake for the child (yet) etc...

She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

It's beyond awkward - and me being CF, I have no idea how much a child's birthday party costs - but I can't imagine every parent dropping £3k a year per child per birthday party. AIBU to think this is excessive?

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

She’s clearly desperate to get in with the local mum circle and essentially bribe them with flash food and wine. This is not remotely a birthday party for her 4 yo. In fact, her 4 yo will have no fun at all by the sound of it. It’s sad she’s feeling so desperate socially. It won’t work in normal circles (different if you regularly hang out with the Kardashians, perhaps!).

It will strike people as odd and desperate, I think. She’d be better off having a down to earth party and offering tea and cake to the parents. Sensible parents won’t want a load of drunk adults round their small children anyway. She’s got this all wrong. Can you help her get back to a sensible place with this?

Tell her you'll buy the Colin the Caterpillar cake, it's a British tradition..............

I feel like this is a joke... like a made up post..how ridiculous, I'd contribute like £50 as a gift

If they want to throw an extravagant party for their child crack on…. Buy a nice gift but in no way should you be expected to pick up the tab for a party for the adults. Cheeky fuckery to even ask you to contribute.

Oh come on, how can you not roughly know how much a child's party would be and how could you even think 3k was likely.

I'd worry about all these adults tanked up on champagne being in charge of young children. Definitely not something to be encouraged.

Absolutely. Would her friends even be interested in drinking all this champagne while wrangling toddlers?

The yummy mummies will probably think she's an alcoholic. A mum from my son's school said to me she doesn't allow her children to go to anyone's house in case they are drinking. Your friend will let them all know she's an alcoholic this could end badly.

I’d back away from this woman - she’s not a responsible parent getting the parents of the kids pissed for that budget. It should be about cake and snacks for the kids, a party bag and perhaps an entertainer. Parents get coffee, soft drink and a biscuit! She’s confusing a kids party with a piss up - who drives if there’s an accident with the children?

Surely this story can't be true?

If she wants to impress the ladies that lunch she needs to do that on her £. This party isn't about the child's needs. A 4 year olds want a soft play party or farm or bouncy castle. They don't want a stuffy restaurant full of pissed adults.

https://kidspaceadventures.com/romford/?utm_campaign=21056716692&utm_source=Google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_content=692298857932&utm_term=kidspace&adgroupid=157849673485&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI36yfseDehwMVKrGDBx0M9xyqEAAYASAAEgJgYfD_BwE

https://lewisoflondon.co.uk/ice-cream-farm/birthday-parties/

https://www.gambado.com/activities/parties/22

Anyhow, whatever the child has it's the parents responsibility to pay for it. If the can't afford it then they dont have a party.

You're looking at a couple hundred quid for a kids party nowhere near 3k. You don't need to be funding her over spending on a grown up party with her other friends that's ridiculous I wouldn't give her a penny. She doesn't sound like a good friend OP sorry but sounds like she thinks she has a cashcow in you.

Offer to buy by the birthday cake - £30 from Waitrose, and that'll leave enough change for some candles.

£3000? 😂 Is she Victoria Beckham?! 😆

What a cheek! Don't give her anything towards the party - she made the choice to spend an unnecessary fortune, she pays for it. If you give in now it will only get worse with each birthday. Buy the child a present, that's the end of your responsiblity.

Oh come on. You might be CF but surely you know that the average child's party doesn't involve a sit down meal at a nice restaurant and the parents getting blotto on expensive champagne?
She's a pisstaker throwing herself a party in the kid's name. I wouldn't be surprised if the birthday girl is taken home after the first hour.

And why would it be another story if she had money struggles? That would make her even more of an idiot for spending £3k on a party!

£50-200 max the end

What on earth is she planning to do with a bunch of 4yolds in a restuarant? Stick them all on iPads? Doesn’t sound like a kids party in the slightest

I'd tell her she's insane. I don't know how it's even possible to spend that much on a 4 year old's party! I would imagine the cost would be £300 max even with booze - we didn't have much at our kids parties - a few bottles of wine and a few beers if it was a garden/bouncy castle type party and no booze at all for a hired hall/activity party. Your friend is off her head 🙄 are you sure she's not just trying to get money out of you?

So you give her 3k so she can impress her friends. When your goddaughter is 5, she will expect the same or more. And so it goes on. A usual party at that age in a village hall, hoke run party games, cake and do own food. Or a soft play party where it is all done for you. And parents eat the leftovers of kids food if they wish and buy own coffees,

do you wish to give your friend 30k in 10 years so she can impress her friends??. Imagine 18th birthday party cost!!! That the child will not know you are paying?

will she want you to pay their holiday costs, private school fees and school trips?

very strange asking a friend to pay for things that are the responsibility of a parent,

Neither do I,but it's not 3 grand.
That would be a fuck right off cheeky cunt and block.

I would say £150 - £250 maximum. The focus is normally on the children, so village hall, farm visit, craft, sport etc as an activity. Then either basic catering from the venue, or parents of birthday child take along a sandwich buffet, crudités, crisps, cake Even cheaper if at home.

No child's party will be enhanced by the adults getting sloshed. Quite the opposite.

You're correct in your assumption that this is not normal, OP.

I'm sure the super-rich are spending much more, but in the real world a 4 year old's party would be a few hundred quid.

It's certainly not the norm to ask friends to pay towards costs, either.

She's being a cheeky cow and I really hope you don't give her so much as a penny. I'd be loathe to attend the party either, if you don't agree with her champagne coiffing plans.

All very much above her station.

The very last thing I would be spending is a lavish party. With my practical hat on, if, and only if, I had a little extra cash after buying a gift, that invested until the Godchild was 18 would be a lot more useful than contributing towards a party to impress people.

Wow, she is one Cheeky Fucker
£300 would provide an excellent 4yo birthday party.

£3k!!! She's no friend, she just sees you as a cash point.

In your shoes I'd pull back from this friendship & either ask to dobthings with your goddaughter or invest money for her future