Friend 'asking' for £3k for 4th birthday party for her DD.

[parkyn]

I'm Godmother to my friend's child. The child turns 4 at the end of August. I'm CF (child-free) and earn a fair bit more than she does. Also, her income is a PT one due to her childcare commitments whereas I work FT. I live alone and yes, you could argue my life is 'simpler' than hers - but my outgoings aren't next to nothing.

She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc... but no mention of the cake for the child (yet) etc...

She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

It's beyond awkward - and me being CF, I have no idea how much a child's birthday party costs - but I can't imagine every parent dropping £3k a year per child per birthday party. AIBU to think this is excessive?

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

… to put this in context, a good party entertainer costs several hundred.

Sharky snd George parties are for parents who want a top shelf party ( think more than one entertainer for the whole time) without lifting a finger ( they even do the party bags and write the names on). I think even they would find a 3 grand fee doable ( though probably not including a pisd up for the parents - which is what this is)

Well that's not entirely true, I spent nearly £300 on a soft play party which was fairly cheap in comparison to everything else I was quoted.

OP there is absolutely no need to spend 3k, she's an utter cheeky fucker.

Tell her to do one. Cheeky cow.

For context - I'm a Nanny for a celebrity family. We live in a very pricey area and last year I booked out an entire softplay centre for 2 hours, plus all the adjoining party rooms, 25 odd children plus parents all catered for with their own pre-packed lunch boxes (all organic and fresh), it was heavily themed with lots of decorations and party favours etc etc.
I saved a little bit by doing all the food myself.

Total: £1200.

aka. £3k is INSANE for a child's party.

I know you have had a load of responses already, but I would just say ‘children’s parties are not really my scene’ and DO NOT GO TO THE PARTY.

You will get landed with the bill. Don’t do it. Get out of town if you have to.

She asked if you want to contribute. You don't. Or if you do, ask for an itemised list of costs and contribute to the things that will directly benefit your godchild - e.g., kid-friendly food, a bouncy castle, a clown. (Hint: by that criteria, alcohol cost should be 0). But personally I'd forgo co-funding the party (beyond what you'd normally pitch in, if anything, as a guest) and just get the child a great age-appropriate present. If you feel you should contribute more because you're in a fortunate financial situation, how about an investment in the chid's name?

I spent £450 on ours and considered that a lot mainly as the lions share was a fantastic Dj who basically gave them the time of their lives and the parents loved. Also included hire of the hall, wine for the parents table, party food, party bags and a big cake. There was around 40 kids we had a great time. She really is taking the piss with 3k and is trying to impress her Mummy friends, if the childs only 4 strap in... shes going to be a nightmare parent

If the venue is a nice restaurant with all her friends & buckets of champagne, it is NOT a party for her four year-old!!!

I disagree with that. It would be difficult to do the job well if you become estranged from the parents of a child, but they aren’t at that point. Plus, with my own godchildren I feel I made a meaningful promise. I take an interest in their lives. I have them to stay every year. It wasn’t a promise to their parents though. And it certainly didn’t come with the expectation of bankrolling their mothers’ social lives.

Ha! My sons party was about £500 split with another child so £250 per family for private hire of soft play (50 kids), all food, cake, party bags and an open coffee bar for the parents! It also included decorations of the party room for the party meal, balloons, invitations etc. literally everything included for £250!

It is an excuse for a party for the adults, not the child. I would not even go.

get the child a birthday present, maybe even a cake as it sounds doubtful they will be getting one.

no child's party should not need to cost more than £300.

Your friend is confusing a child's birthday with a high-society gala. Politely decline and remind her that the child is likely to be better amused by a bouncy castle and some Dairylea triangles in her back garden than by a bunch of dull, pissed-up school mums.

It's your money—keep it. Kids or no kids, don't let her guilt you into funding her nonsense.

Save your contribution for a more reasonable celebration, like a royal wedding.

So it’s basically a party for her and her friends, disguised as a kids birthday party.

Tell her you’ll just buy the kid a gift instead.

Oh dear, oh dear. What a lunatic!
Do not give her a penny my darling.
Give the kid a present and explain how you are unfortunately not available on the day of the party.
I don't even understand why parents would be wanting alcohol at a 4 year olds party? I used to dole out water, Vimto and Fruit Shoots to children and adults alike. It's a couple of hours of torture you have to endure as a parent, not as a godparent!

Poor child. It doesn't seem like the party is about her at all.

You're not throwing a party a child of 4 would enjoy in a "nice restaurant." It sounds like she wants to impress her new group if friends with OP's cheque book.

I'm wondering why OP was chosen as god mother.

OP, gently, please re-evaluate this friendship and be prepared for the child to be used to tug at your emotions if you push back. I would never ask you to contribute (or, foot the bill) for my child's party. I just had one of my bff's over to celebrate my baby's 6-month milestone and not only did I tell her a gift was not necessary, I bought a bottle of wine I knew she'd like to offer her something to drink I don't). I don't mean to come across as smug, just want to give another perspective.

A gift is all that is necessary in your situation.

A child's birthday party costs less than £100 ime.

I think I’d have to be pretty direct about that.

”Wow, I’m very surprised at that as a cost for a four-year-old’s birthday party. It seems like a lot even for a 21st! I’m planning a lovely present for Ophelia and would be happy to order a cake/face-painter for her as an additional godmother gift [if in fact you are happy to do this] but I’m not up for contributing to alcohol for adults or decorations, sorry.”

Madness.

I paid £9 a head for exclusive use of a soft play for my kids 4th or 5th party. Invited whole class. Price included food and party bags and coffee and cakes for adults. Under £300 and we only did that once each for my two children.

that was pretty standard.

I’ve never been to a kids party that served champagne before!

I work partly in this industry, it's really unusual to have that sort of alcohol at a party, sometimes a few ciders etc but I've never seen champagne even in higher end parties.

Price wise, it's varies, I would say that parties I'm involved in come in around £500. Even the very Pinterest worthy ones I've attended in my job don't come in at £3000! Granted I'm not in what would be considered a "posh" area of the country.

Nice restaurant wouldn't allow her to bring her own champagne and don't imagine they'd be happy over serving it at a 4 year olds birthday party either. Nice restaurants don't like out of control kids because their parents are drunk.

My circumstances are very similar to yours. I went to my 4 yo goddaughter's birthday party this weekend and spent £25 on a present. The parents provided food for us all. No one drank more than a couple of beers, mainly because it was a 4 yo birthday party and not an adult piss up.

Your friend is absolutely taking the mick. If a friend of mine hinted at similar I don't think we'd be friends for much longer.

As a godparent I would be doing my godparently duties. Assuming she is religious ( I know you are going to say no - godparent in name only).

I would be buying your god child a present that is age appropriate and starting up a savings scheme that you can put money in as and when you want that comes to the child at age 18.

You are not there to fund her piss ups!

As a godparent. if I had £3,000 for a child, I'd be putting it in a Junior ISA for their house deposit, not subsidising my godchild's mother to swig champagne.

You can say "No." Indeed, I think you should say No, and set up a savings account for your god-daughter. Or take her out for the day - take her to the ballet & for afternoon tea, or something like that.