Friend 'asking' for £3k for 4th birthday party for her DD.

[parkyn]

I'm Godmother to my friend's child. The child turns 4 at the end of August. I'm CF (child-free) and earn a fair bit more than she does. Also, her income is a PT one due to her childcare commitments whereas I work FT. I live alone and yes, you could argue my life is 'simpler' than hers - but my outgoings aren't next to nothing.

She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc... but no mention of the cake for the child (yet) etc...

She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

It's beyond awkward - and me being CF, I have no idea how much a child's birthday party costs - but I can't imagine every parent dropping £3k a year per child per birthday party. AIBU to think this is excessive?

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

Ridiculous. 3K?

It’s a party for the mum & her friends by the sounds of it.

Parties here would vary from £250-£500ish depending on size and venue.

DD is 5 soon and hers will be in the region of £450 for 30ish kids. We don’t cater for the parents apart from soft drinks.

Entertainer £175
Hall £40
Cake £75
Food and drink £120
Decorations £30

‘Ah, sorry, no can do. Sounds like you’re going to have a blast. Can we arrange a date so I can take Esmeralda out for a birthday trip to the zoo/a show and afternoon tea?’

Party for 4-year-old for about 20 kids plus one adult wrangler per kid:

Cake £40
Village hall hire x3 hours £60
Entertainer/clown/whatever £100
Food - kids & adult nibbles £100
Drink/juice/tea/coffee £20
Party bags £30

Total £350

Job's a goodun. Don't know what she wants to spend the extra £2,650 on.

Hmm, I had a few people ask me to be godmother to their children. As we weren't close friends (as my close friends know I hate all things religious) I can only assume that it was because I was a) childfree b) single at the time and c) a doctor.

I refused.

Strangely enough those friendships didn't last.

Your friend could save money by booking Animal Man.

Regardless of how much a party costs it's not your job to pay for it. Parents pay for their kids, not godparents. You buy a present for the child or offer to take her on a day out. That's more than enough.

£3000 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Oh dear.
£200 max.

I spend around £500 including cake, party bags, food etc and that's probably more than most people spend. £3K is ridiculous if she doesn't have the money.

A lot of people do parties at home, make some sandwiches,
get a cake and costs next to nothing.

She can spend what she wants but if she doesn't have the money then she needs to reduce the budget.

Not next to nothing.

we paid £25 per head for each kid. Parents were free.

So she wants a party at a fancy restaurant with fancy alcohol - only champagne will do (!) - with all her mum friends, for some reason is pretending it's for her daughter's 4th birthday, and for some even less explicable reason is expecting her child-free friend to contribute?! WTAF?!

On Mumsnet, CF means Cheeky Fucker and she is one.

I've done kids birthday parties for £200-£300 tops, but they were actual real children's parties, with child-friendly venue and entertainment, and the few times we hired a hall we bought some beers for the adults, maybe a few bottles of wine or bubbly, that's it.

Please ask for a cost break down 👀👀👀

The most we have spent is about 800 pounds on a kids party, no alcohol included. What a cf.

It almost comes across as a form of entitled emotional blackmail / gaslighting - "you earn more than me, you don't have any responsibilities, therefore I expect you to help me out because it's not fair that you're a higher earner". I sincerely hope you say no, otherwise it will be setting a precedent. She'll probably be back for more handouts come Christmas if you do hand over the cash.

My son’s 5th was about £500, that included an entertainer, hire of a village hall, food for 25 kids, a cake and party bags. I don’t feel like I was particularly going cheap there either. £3K is a lot- especially since it doesn’t sound like she can actually afford it! Don’t let yourself be used OP- you didn’t sign up to be a cash cow when you agreed to be a godparent. I would say ‘I’m not able to contribute financially to the party. I can’t wait to celebrate with you and DD though!’ and see what happens. If she’s funny about that- well I think you know why you were requested as godparent, and I’d be backing away from the friendship big time.

I have seen many people spend 3k on a birthday party for a 4 year old, but these are typically the kind of people who don’t need to ask others for a contribution. For example hiring an expensive venue (anything from a couple hundred in London to several thousands), paying for catered food, entertainment for the children, champagne on tap, whatever. Like with almost anything, you can throw pointless amounts of money at a birthday party.
But it would be insane to spend even a fraction of that if your friend can’t afford it.
The last birthday party I threw for a 4 year old I invited 6 children to our house, baked a big fat chocolate cake, made sandwiches and mini pizzas, fruit skewers, had juice for the kids and a couple of bottles of nice sparkly wine for the parents. Lots of balloons which costs nothing.
All the guests were happy and the children had a lovely time.

OP , you know very well that a 4 year olds party is not going to be £3k. This woman is taking you for a ride and you don’t want to accept she is being a fraud.
this person is not a friend. Wish her well with her adult party and part ways.

Hahahaaaa £250 for the party max. Prosecco is what, £8ish per bottle
She needs to get a grip

I just threw a birthday party for my DS probably cost about £300 all in - food for the BBQ for the adults and children, prizes for games, decorations, piñata etc
We bought booze as well but no body came empty handed so we didn’t drink it all.
If people want to pay 3k for a party that seems very over the top but if you’ve got the money that’s your choice. However, she doesn’t have the money does she.

Truthfully we would normally spend about £500 -£1000 ( on occasion, depending on the party) when all is said and done. BUT ( and I’ve made it capitals because it’s a big but) we can afford to, we want to and we aren’t asking anyone else to fund it.

If any one of those three were “buts” were missing, we could - and should - easily cut it back to £250 ish.

But this is £3,000 and I’m wondering what she’s doing if she isn’t shouting them all to a West End production or something …

Is your mate Amanda from motherland?

You should say that as her godmother you have already planned a generous present, but you can’t contribute towards the party as well. I don’t know about you, but I have traditions with my godchildren. They always get an age appropriate present and a present for when they are older that is an investment. I have never contributed towards birthday parties and I have been a godparent for 15 years.

Well she’s no longer your friend and you’re no longer a godmother.

Say:

I will buy the cake. What is her favourite Character / Show for a theme