Friend 'asking' for £3k for 4th birthday party for her DD.

[parkyn]

I'm Godmother to my friend's child. The child turns 4 at the end of August. I'm CF (child-free) and earn a fair bit more than she does. Also, her income is a PT one due to her childcare commitments whereas I work FT. I live alone and yes, you could argue my life is 'simpler' than hers - but my outgoings aren't next to nothing.

She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc... but no mention of the cake for the child (yet) etc...

She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

It's beyond awkward - and me being CF, I have no idea how much a child's birthday party costs - but I can't imagine every parent dropping £3k a year per child per birthday party. AIBU to think this is excessive?

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

Why on Earth is your ‘friend’ having a 4th birthday party in a nice restaurant?? Since when have 4 year olds particularly loved nice restaurants as their party venue of choice?!? Wild

She wants you to fund her posh meal with mum friends - not a chance !

Bloody hell.
My budget for childrens parties was £250 and I thought I was being a bit extravagant but had working-mum-guilt

Your 'friend' is bonkers and will tap you up and up and up if you give her money
Just say NO!

London prices but we hired an entertainer for £280, £100 on pizzas delivered, cake, decorations and other bits prob £1-200. Say £500-600 for a party at home. Our local soft play charges about £650 for party hire. I did have some wine and beer for the adults but very little gets drunk at a kids party and it’s in the afternoon for a couple of hours, not an all evening affair!

Absolutely zero!

3k for a 4th birthday party is insane, even if she could afford it (which she can’t)!

Buy a cake, some balloons, a few bottles and snacks from the supermarket. The kids will be happy playing in the garden.

I do think social media has made people feel like they have to go OTT on lavish decor and cakes that are equivalent to wedding cakes rather a standard caterpillar cake. But even then you’re talking maybe £500 not 3k and if DPs can’t afford all that they can’t have it! The kid won’t care.

Your ‘friend’ is as cheeky as fuck
no way would I pay £3 grand for a kids birthday party
she can pay for it herself if it’s that important to ( show off) her

You don’t have a child’s 4th birthday party in a nice restaurant! You have it in the park, the local scout hut, community centre, church hall or soft play. Do not give any money. She wants a nice restaurant, she can damn well pay for it.

I’ve never spent more than £350 ( and I do food and drink for the adults and nice gift bags)

I've been to many 4 year old parties. I would guess the average spend is about £250 if not at home. It's an affluent area and I'm sure a lot could afford an extravagent party if they thought spending £3000 on a 4 year olds party normal...

She's ridiculous and clearly can't afford the lifestyle she's flashing to her mum friends.

By the way, if she has money problems that's even less reason to spend £3k on a piss up for her friends kids birthday party

@parkyn the only response to this request is ‘lol’

A nice restaurant in London with champagne for a 4 year old… erm ok!

So basically she wants to host a dinner for her mates and not do a child’s birthday? A 4 year old might have venue with a bouncy castle or go to a soft play or have games, cake etc at the house/in the garden, maybe an entertainer-princess etc, not an adult dinner-how is that celebrating the 4 year old? Properly insane.

A nice restaurant?that's not a party for a 4 yr old!
So is she planning 30 ppl at £100 a head?

Poor kid gets to attend his mother’s party for his birthday, who the fuck has champagne? Offer to buy a cake, of your choice/up to say £100 if you were so inclined. This is all for show

Basically she wants you to pay for her and her girlfriends champan party while the kids round around the garden. Nice one.

@parkyn Just out of pure curiosity, how did you navigate your God Daughter's previous birthdays?

it sounds as though your friend has got confused between a children’s birthday party and an adult social!
Most four-year-old girls that I know want a magician or disco in a village hall with sandwiches and squash. This costs £200-£300.
I’m pretty sure the birthday girl hasn’t requested champagne for mummy’s friends so to fund it, she needs to crack on.
Don’t get involved and by birthday girl a nice present

It varies wildly, roughly I spent about £300, food, party bags and entertainment. This is why parents often have parties in soft play as it costs the same, they provide food, party bags and entertainment snd you don’t have to clean up. £3k is outrageous,

She’s trying to use you to pay for a piss-up with her mum friends. A kid’s party costs next to nothing, and besides, NOBODY asks someone else to pay for it.
CF means something else on MN, and she certainly is one.

I think you should say no.

You might want to say that it will put pressure on the other mums to have an expensive birthday party, which some of them could not afford easily. Appearances can hide people in financial difficulties.

Your friend is mental!

It can be as cheap or expensive as she wants it. A small party at home with pass the parcel, basic party bags and some tesco pizzas £100 - or if you hire an entertainer and hall etc around £400-500 and that will be a bloody good party, venue parties like soft play are around £15 per kid.

Of course you aren’t going to chip in. She’s mad.

Christ! That’s insane. I spent about £400 on my DD’s 4th birthday party but that’s only because I was wracked with guilt that she’d spent her 3rd birthday party crying because none of her friends could come (lockdown). I think I went a bit mad and tend to spend around £250 now.

I would reply ‘I had put aside £50 (or whatever you’re willing to part with) for her present but if you’d rather have it as a contribution to the party instead that’s fine with me’