Friend 'asking' for £3k for 4th birthday party for her DD.

[parkyn]

I'm Godmother to my friend's child. The child turns 4 at the end of August. I'm CF (child-free) and earn a fair bit more than she does. Also, her income is a PT one due to her childcare commitments whereas I work FT. I live alone and yes, you could argue my life is 'simpler' than hers - but my outgoings aren't next to nothing.

She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc... but no mention of the cake for the child (yet) etc...

She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

It's beyond awkward - and me being CF, I have no idea how much a child's birthday party costs - but I can't imagine every parent dropping £3k a year per child per birthday party. AIBU to think this is excessive?

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

This doesn't sound like any 4 year olds party I have ever known. A nice restaurant and expensive drinks sounds like something for adults. A four year old wants an activity suitable for their age, soft play, bouncy castle etc not a posh restaurant. As far as drinks go I would expect an adult to be offered a cup of tea or coffee or maybe a glass of wine, nothing more. If she can't afford the party she wants then maybe you could offer to take your God-daughter out for her birthday treat, a visit to the zoo or something similar would be perfect.

I come from a culture where a lot of adults attend a children’s birthday party. Everyone gets fed. There is always wine (because who doesn’t need wine at a children’s party - no one gets drunk though!). They’re very organic and can sometimes last for hours (people drop in and out). Any random person the hosts may know that passes by will also be invited in to have some food and wine. Teenagers often turn up for a bit just to get fed. It is compulsory for the food to keep coming at intervals for the duration.

Despite all this, I am really struggling to reach anywhere near a third of the costs your friend is anticipating.

Most of them take place in the home or a family member’s restaurant, cafe, venue. However if I take the longest one I can think if (five hours, probably more), with a lot of people coming and going (over 60 I’d say), at a hired non family beach place. I still can’t get to more than 800€.

Why the her would anyone hold a child's 4th birthday party at a "nice restaurant"?

My kids are teens now but we had parties from age 4 to about 9, with special treats for child plus 3 friends up to about 12. Whether there were 25 or 4, I’ve never spent more than £300 - that includes venue hire, party entertainers, or access to trampolining/Go Karting/GoApe. We’re comfortably off and didn’t scrimp on food (personalised cakes etc) or party bags - your friend is a CF.

In fact I’d just reply to her text with ‘LOL you’re a CF aren’t you? 🤣 Nice try, though’ and treat it as though she’s making a joke…

Well at age 4 the child isn't even at school yet. So normal practice would be to invite 5 nursery friends to your own house for a party tea and a few games. Parents would probably stay so you would have 5 adults there too. The adults are not expecting to eat a full meal. If there even is any booze it won't be a great deal because everyone is in charge of a 4 year old and the party will be in the afternoon.
£100 should be enough to cover all of this.

I'm not sure how she is intending to spend the extra £2,900?

Tell her you were just about to tap her for some thousands of pounds.

I saw someone throw a first birthday party that probably cost around that and was gobsmacked. We didn't even bother with a first, went to the sealife centre! For a second we invited the family over and stuck a bit of a buffet on. And for three we're contemplating booking soft play for nursery friends but that'll probably be four.

They don't need elaborate parties. They just need surrounding with people who love them. That's all they'll remember.

How silly.

And alcohol has no place at a child's party.

I grew up in the Catholic Church, and in the expectation was that a godparent did what it said on the tin. They took a guiding role in the child’s spiritual development & ensuring they grew up to be good little catholics. It was nothing to do with money or material stuff at all.

I have now completely lost touch with religion, so I have no idea about these things, but is that not still the purpose of a godparent?

what did she do for the 1st, 2nd and 3rd birthdays?

We got a lovely cake for my guideson his first couple of birthdays with tiers enough for the party guests. You could do something like that. That's the contribution we wanted to do. He just go a present this year as money is tight

Ours was around £200. That was soft play entry for about 15 kids, party bags, cupcakes, snacks, and coffees for the parents. Southwest.

If we had 3k to spend on a party, I guess we'd spend £300-400 on the party and put the rest in a JISA! 😁

A nice restaurant sounds like a dreadful choice of venue. The party is about the playing not about gourmet dining.

What have I just read 🤣.

A child's party generally costs about £200 I'd say, that's including hall/venue hire, cake, party bags and small finger buffet x

I went OTT on one of my DC’s parties. It was a 4th bday actually. It came to £900. I decorated and themed the venue and spent far too much on printed invitations and expensive party bags. Totally unnecessary with hindsight 😂

Most parents do the minimum (me too now!!). Kids want to run around and have fun, enjoy some (cheapish) party food and take home cake and sweets.

As a parent, I’m happy if they serve a cuppa!!

Sounds like your friend wants you to fund a party for her. Cheeky bugger!!

I would be telling her you are starting a savings fund for her daughter and you have already put money into that...

She'd be told to join the real world. Hard no. She's unbelievable. Easy to spend other people's money...

It's a complete waste of money. At that age some games and prizes sweets and party bags will be thrilling. I never spent more than 200 pounds. Maybe a glass of Prosecco for parents but as it was the afternoon most people only want a cup of tea anyway. I would vault st spending 3000 for an 18rh. Outrageous

I am bit out of the loop as kids are 27 & 25 but I can imagine you can hire a place for a few hours at £75? Can do buffet your self, as parent! Or as mate could chip in for some nicer adult bits rather than the whatsit and party rings. Cake is usually the most expensive bit (ish) depends on budget, skills and friendly bakers.
And for God sake 'bring a bottle' on the invite for adults, provide soft drinks, maybe a few beers in the fridge and a bottle of wine. But you want a drink, you bring it.
And make sure there's entertainment for the kids... 4 errchhh... I miss those times😜😜😜

I would be so angry If I were you. She's using you as a cash cow to impress her other friends who will all say how generous she is!
The party will only cost a fraction of 3k (if you pay) leaving her with a load of money to treat her new friends some more
Tell her you'll buy the cake and when she tries to tell you the cake is thousands drop her

I wouldn't respond to it.

She is taking the complete piss!

Soft play in my area is £12 per child, minimum 10 children. You provide cake, Colin the caterpiller from M & S about £10 ish.
soft play provide everything else, food, drinks and party bag.

YANBU - A bottle of Cristal is totally wasted on a 4 year old. Say NO.

This is the maddest thing I’ve ever read and told the Mexican house thief. Not only is she a CF and a bad friend she’s a terrible mother as well. The poor four year old with a party that’s nothing to do with her in a restaurant where she’ll be bored to tears 😞

Absolutely no way.

Why is there alcohol at a child's birthday party anyway? The social side should be for the children not her mum friends.

Absolutely nuts.