Friend 'asking' for £3k for 4th birthday party for her DD.

[parkyn]

I'm Godmother to my friend's child. The child turns 4 at the end of August. I'm CF (child-free) and earn a fair bit more than she does. Also, her income is a PT one due to her childcare commitments whereas I work FT. I live alone and yes, you could argue my life is 'simpler' than hers - but my outgoings aren't next to nothing.

She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc... but no mention of the cake for the child (yet) etc...

She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

It's beyond awkward - and me being CF, I have no idea how much a child's birthday party costs - but I can't imagine every parent dropping £3k a year per child per birthday party. AIBU to think this is excessive?

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

If she mentions it again just say that you think maybe the best way for her to cut the costs is to save the posh restaurant and champagne for a separate adult party.

If she had any actual financial struggles leading her to watch money, she wouldn’t be considering this. Maybe she is spending her way to broke but don’t let her drag you into that.

I have been to many four year old parties and mostly adults get, possibly, a cup of tea.

I recently took my dd aged three to a restaurant birthday party in central London which was for an adult. She had a good time as a guest but it would have been completely inappropriate for a child’s party!

My take on your friend is that she doesn’t have money worries, and she is isn’t planning a four year old’s party.

As a mother of a similar age child in the same city, I cannot tell you how insane this is.

Fuck off!!!!!
Just don’t ever reply to her question then. Buy a nice little gift.

I live in London and the most I paid was £350 (Food and goody bags prepared by myself. Venue: local community hall.). Plenty of nibbles for adults but no booze. Nobody else should foot the bill. It's their choice to rack up a £3K bill, so they need to fund it. If you agree to this, what will they hit you up for next? Being a Godparent doesn't mean you should be a mug. It doesn't matter if you can/ can't afford it. Outrageous!

Unless you want to play Fairy Godmother and fund an increasingly expensive collection of birthday parties for the next 14 years I'd say no now.

And I noticed that the money is for champagne, which as far as I'm aware isn't something a four year old typically drinks. This is a party for your friend and the people she wants to impress, not her child.

Don't be daft, why on earth would child free people know how much parties cost? That s stupid, I've had multiple 4 year olds but lo h enough ago that I have no idea how much places charge nowadays

That's more than my wedding!

Not normal, not your problem and she's not your friend. You are a godmother because she see's you as a resource.

Your Friend is being ridiculous, you don't hold 4 yo parties in a smart restaurant nor are the adults supposed to get drunk on expensive champagne. She's thinks as GM whose CF you'll just cough up, feel free to disappoint her but buy your GC something lovely

Do not contribute anything other than a thoughtful present for your god daughter. The mother is planning an extravegant party for herself. I have been to similar parties, the focus is on the parent and not the child and they use the child as a "showpiece" for a party that is all about themselves.
I like a drink myself and I'm not a "drink prude" - but alcohol is not appropriate at a 4th birthday party. The food and drink provision should be focused on the one whos birthday it is and their friends. By all means feed the other parents, but I would think a booze free event is much more tasteful. If it has to be booze, parents should not be having more than 2 or 3 units of alcohol (if not driving) - this could be a glass of decent prosecco or cremant - even at £20 a bottle and a bottle between 3 guests, £3k gets you enough for 450 guests. Bear in mind that 50% will be driving, then you could stretch to 900 guests. Does she have a big venue for this "do"?

There is a CF here and it's not you
If she can't afford it, she shouldn't even be thinking of it
The DC is 4!! Wonder what her DM will plan for her 18th
Ridiculous

Nahhh. That’s mental.

£50 hall hire.
£100 party food.
£150 bouncy castle/soft play hire/entertainer/activities

And I’d say that was pushing the boat out tbh.

Nuts. On so many levels. Why would parents be drinking champagne at a preschooler's birthday party?

Nah. £150-£200 for a village hall with bouncy castles and a party tea (sandwiches, crisps, cakes etc). Serve the parents cups of tea or coffee, and pass round a tin of posh biscuits. That's all I've ever experienced (both hosting and as a guest).

Your friends inability put her child first - after all it’s the child’s party, children don’t drink, doesn’t bode well.
Personally I would put a little money aside every birthday and Christmas which the mother couldn’t touch . I’d give that money direct to her child on her 18th/21st.
I think this child will need you as your friend makes dubious choices

Do you really think a 4 year old wants to be in a “nice restaurant” for their birthday? Honestly does that even remotely seem like what a child would want to do to celebrate their birthday? It’s so ludicrous as a proposal that you’d have that setting AND alcohol and introduce children that young into the mix and call it a party for children? Next you’ll be saying it starts at 7pm. Verging on negligence. You’re being taken for an absolute fool.

That’s not a friend you’ve got @parkyn that’s now a cheeky fucker who sees you as a cash cow for their little darling. £3,000 is batshit. And greedy. If she wants proper champagne, she’s going to need to drop the part time for full time!

I’ve turned down being godmother to children with parents like this. I was hearing all sorts of god mother customs that were news to me - buying the pram, as long as it’s bugaboo. The expectation of £1,000 on their 18th birthday and £2,000 on their 21st. Contribution to driving lessons and first car.

I declined. Funnily enough the person who did agree has shelled out not a single penny.

As a child free person, I’m supposed to be grateful for the opportunity to throw my cash at other peoples children.

Buy a cake and no more or you set a precedent!

1. No 4 year old wants a b'day party in a nice restaurant
2. Pity the poor other diners if it isn't closed for a private party (that might explain the cost tbh)

3.Call SS cos you can guarantee the parents of those 4 year olds will be pissed in charge

1. Give her the number of the local soft play area

That’s really funny. I recently hosted a third birthday party and went all out with hiring a big bouncy castle and an entertainer and served pimms and pizza, fruit skewers, crisps etc so everyone was entertained and fed and watered. We live in London. And still the whole thing was a few hundred pounds.

Also, I have been known to serve adults with champagne at birthday parties (I had it leftover from a Christening) and regard it as nice but slightly pretentious 😂 I wouldn’t DREAM of asking anyone to contribute to the cost. Besides which most parents will only have one glass… at most two so you really don’t get through much.

The only way I would have thought you could drop £3K is if you hire one of those swish venues in Kensington with full catering for everyone. Even then. £3K seems like a lot but then I have no idea, they are quite fully staffed so maybe that’s possible.

@parkyn Four year olds don’t celebrate their birthdays in nice restaurants.

A typical (London ‘naive’) four year old birthday party is one of…

1. Cake and presents at home with family - cost maybe £100 if you order the cake, much less if it’s supermarket/home baked
2. nursery friends (maximum 20, probably more like 10) plus parents at home with maybe an entertainer and sandwiches or pizza plus cake - cost maybe £300 maximum - but could actually do it for less
3. As 2 but in a church hall or soft play so absolute maximum £600

In my experience alcohol is rarely served and if it is there will be enough for a glass or 2 maximum. And a four year party is no longer than 2 hours.

Your friend is taking the p!$$

Perhaps you could offer to order a fancy cake in a theme your godchild likes? And leave it at that.

Wow your friend is a mega CF!!!

Don't contribute a penny to this madness!

I have gone a bit mad on a couple of the dc parties in the past ( so I thought) but 3k!!!
Our priciest one which had a two hour children’s entertainer, village hall , food and bespoke birthday cake for the whole class ( 30 kids) , plus tea, coffee and nice cake and sandwiches for the adults came to about £400. Children’s birthday parties do not need champagne. Even if we had served champagne to all adults who stayed I think another £200 would have been plenty! 3k is bonkers.

Exactly what I was going to say. No 4 year old wants to go to a nice restaurant, and I dare say that few nice restaurants would want to host a 4 year olds party. Nope.

The crazy amount the mother wants to spend on the child's birthday party is up to her, not your circus.

Beyond fucking cheeky !!

However you could offer to open an account for the child and put in £x - (I'm thinking £100) FOR THE CHILD ie don't allow the mum access - you hold the account till the child is 16 or 18 or whatever.

stay away from the party planning - she has to manage the child's party - AND pay for it.

And if you say yes to this party then every year she'll think she can do the same thing. You'll be bank rolling her social life forever !

Why are you friends?

Godmother is about helping raise the kid with Christian values isn’t it?? Nothing to do with financial support. Tell her to swivel! (I’d say ‘go to hell’ but I assume you’re all Christian 😂😂)

Your friend is bonkers! No one (normal) spends 3k on a 4 yo’s or any child’s birthday party.

She just wants you to pay for a posh restaurant and champagne for her mates!

4 yo party is about £100-200

Umm. Not £3k. Maybe £20 per child for farm visit or similar so £200 ish or one of those party princesses (Elsa or similar) is about £300. Tea and cake or beer and wine for twenty parents £100 tops. Birthday cake £25 for supermarket one, £80 for custom. Party bags £5 per child tops. So all in max £600 but that is much much more than I’ve ever spent on a kids party and have done bouncy castles, go karting, swimming, discos etc.