Friend 'asking' for £3k for 4th birthday party for her DD.

[parkyn]

I'm Godmother to my friend's child. The child turns 4 at the end of August. I'm CF (child-free) and earn a fair bit more than she does. Also, her income is a PT one due to her childcare commitments whereas I work FT. I live alone and yes, you could argue my life is 'simpler' than hers - but my outgoings aren't next to nothing.

She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc... but no mention of the cake for the child (yet) etc...

She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

It's beyond awkward - and me being CF, I have no idea how much a child's birthday party costs - but I can't imagine every parent dropping £3k a year per child per birthday party. AIBU to think this is excessive?

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

I had DDs 21st in December. Family lunch 20 people at a lovely nearby hotel( private room). Cake, favours, flowers, balloons etc £1,000. No idea what she is spending £3k on, madness.

I'm sorry if this has already been said, I haven't read all the posts here, but I'd like to point out that being a Godparent doesn't usually entail providing lavish booze for the child's parents' friends to live it up on, or even providing for the child's birthday parties at any point whilst the child's parents are alive. A Godparent is in loco parentis should something happen to the child's parents, with particular reference to making sure they are raised the Christian faith. According to the Church of England: "Godparents are among the most important people at a christening, who make big promises to encourage their godchild to grow in faith and commit to helping them understand how to live their life in a Christian way." Perhaps you could get your god-child a "My First Holy Bible" as a birthday present.

I mean, people have all different budgets, but we would generally do:

Hall hire: £50
Inflatable/soft play rental: £100
Food and drink: £100
Party bags: £30

Also, living alone makes life more expensive. This sounds like some party!

So she basically wants to throw a party for her mates and is asking you to pay for it under the guise of it being your god daughter's birthday.

I had no idea how much a children's party cost before I had to organise one - why would you expect that to be common knowledge.

OP your 'friend' wants you to bankroll her looking generous to her new mum friends. Unbelievable! I hope you tell her where to go!

Ask yourself, are you her bestest friend in the whole wide world or were you surprised but happy to be asked to be godmother by a nice but not best friend?

because it sounds like she’s chosen you to tap into your child free disposable income.

absolutely do not contribute in anyway to this ridiculous idea.
its not a child’s birthday party in a not child friendly restaurant, its a fancy party for her.

oh and I didn’t pay more than £200 for my 4 years old softplay party

WTactualF?! This is absolute madness. Sounds like this party is for the benefit of the mother, not the child. I can’t imagine any 4 year old wanting a birthday party in a ‘nice’ restaurant with expensive booze……

When my DC was 4 it was a soft play, dinosaur themed frenzy with nursery school friends. Not a glass of champagne in sight. Think it cost around £150, before party bags and extra bits (this was 12 years ago).

In my experience godparents aren’t usually expected to pay for birthday parties. Rocking up with an age-appropriate gift and pretending not to be bored senseless during the party would be the limit of your remit, as far as I can see.

Your friend sounds like a gold-plated CF and this might be the tip of a very large iceberg of requests if you’re daft enough to put your hand in your pocket on this occasion.

what 4 year old wants to go to a nice restaurant. They’d rather a soft play area, Build a Bear or a bouncy castle in the garden.

Haven't read the whole thread but I personally would offer to get the cake. The child would then get something she'd really like and you have made a brilliant contribution. This would cost approx £100 if that's ok.

Nobody has a 4 year old's birthday in a nice restaurant.

4 year olds party for 12 costs £50 for village hall if not happening at home, however much it costs to make a cake, mini sausages, sandwiches, and Rice Krispie squares (£40?) buy hula hoops, party rings and some squash, and matching paper plates and cups and tablecloth, (another £40?) and some tat for going away bags (more than you think, say £6 a bag).
then you need to make a pass the parcel, a couple of loo rolls for wrap the mummy, maybe a pin the tail on the donkey, and a dad with a party playlist.

voila. If you spend £300 you’ve spent too much.

Our local soft play is £20 a head and the trampoline park is £23.

I've been on holidays that cost less than that! 😶

My childs 4th birthday cost about £50 tops. Theres really no need to spend squillons on kids.

Your friend is a cheeky fucker to the extreme!

A kids party here is approx 200-400 maximum. The higher end would be for a whole class party.

Plan to visit sick relative that weekend, contribute £50, and small fun child gift.

I’m also a Godmother who’ve never once been asked to contribute to goddaughters birthday, Christening or wedding

Me too.

Most do tea or coffees, if adults attend

Ah. Now I see. This is a party for her - what 4 year old wants a party in a nice restaurant?! She’s a stone cold cheeky fucker and wants you to sub a piss up with her mates.

Don’t give her any money towards the party whatsoever.

It’s the ‘nice restaurant’ getting me. This is not about her child. This is not for her child.

She needs to understand that we ‘cut your coat according to your cloth’ and adjust her lifestyle and plans to accommodate her budget.

Send/take a nice present for the child. Or pop
some cash in a savings account for the child. That grabby mummy can’t access/empty..

She is definitely a CF and the doesn’t mean Close Friend.

I throw my 3 kids a party every year of nursery & primary school (oldest stopped wanting parties in secondary) for approx. £150 each at a push we could go up to £200. If someone has money to throw at it just pays flat fees for hall hire and entertainers and pre-made party bags and catering and a cake maker etc... I could see it creeping up to £500 but most people have budgets and shop around and do things themselves.

My wedding cost less than £3k so you can easily do a 4 year olds party way under that amount.

Nobody is going to drink heavily or knock back wine and spirits at a kids party, getting shit faced while in charge of children is dangerous and neglectful not to mention how are they all getting there/back home.

In fact if its at a hired venue (or even private house then once they leave into public to go home) its even a criminal and arrestable offense to be drunk in charge of a child.

Home party for DD is usually bouncy castle (50-80) for weekend. Good was pizza cucumber/carrot sticks.
Balloons etc and then party bags.
Tea and coffee/cold drinks for adults barely anyone drinks at kids birthdays especially at 4 when they need a lot of supervision.

No OP not normal, please do not contribute.
We were selected to be godparents by dh’s friend and wife, we live literally hundreds of miles away and see each other around once or twice a year. They are not religious and neither are we, so to be honest not sure why we were chosen!
Anyway we have bought gifts for each others kids for well over a decade but not once have we been asked to contribute to a birthday party!

Maybe different where I live but you don't normally have booze at a kids party for the parents because at four they are still looking after the kids - can't just be left to run free.
Also - what sort of party for a four year old is in a restaurant - what sort of fun party is that for a child who is four (they aren't going to want to spend two hours sat at a table) - usually soft play or an entertainer or a craft place or build a bear workshop tyoe thing in
my experience.