My DM is an extremist

[Summersunshine112]

My parents have always had strong political views, strong racist views, strong fattest views. From a young age I always knew I didn't agree with them and I tried my best to argue back. But I was shouted down and punished for voicing my own opinions. I am ashamed that I have parents who have these views.

However my DM as she's gotten older has begun to have more extreme views. She now follows a far right extreme political party (you probably can guess which one). She has begun watching so much stuff online and since all this unrest recently she's been further sucked into it all. She even told me that she was considering going to a protest in London. She's never said anything like this before.

I have a young DC and I am also worried about them being around my mum. I don't want her extreme views put onto them.

I love my DM because she's my mum but I don't like her as a person and what she believes in and stands for. I feel sad for me. I feel embarrassed and ashamed by her too.

Has anyone else got parents like this? If so what did you do?

No, she is trying to find other people who’ve had to handle similar.

Not in Middlesbrough, it was noted by a reporter in the Guardian that many of the rioters were in their 50s and 60s and my friend who was (is) there visiting family said the same thing.

This certainly doesn’t apply to 55 year olds, who would have started work in the 80s.

Most of those teens getting involved in the riots will be the children of the middle aged racists who have brought them up.

The dads, uncles and grandads whip it up - the kids with the energy do the brick throwing.

Watch the news - you can see it clearly in action.

Oh ffs stop derailing the thread. I have a relative who posts lots of ‘Muslims are banning Xmas’ nonsense on his fb. I have little to do with him. Whatever the age of the person you choose how much contact you have with them

I think that as long as your values are shared openly with your DC, it should be fine, and you may actually have an interesting opportunity to discuss with DC as to where racism comes from etc.
My DP are racist, and I hoped it was unconscious bias when younger, but it's a little more obvious now that they are in their late 80s (not ageist...just a statement of fact. I'm 54 if it helps). I didn't turn into a racist being brought up by them and I still snarl and correct them if they say something. My 3 adult DC are very polite if they are spouting shite, mainly because they know their DM will jump in with both feet, but they would absolutely correct them if I wasn't there. I should point out however that my DM has dementia, so it doesn't help the outbursts and we try to be a little more gentle these days as she'll likely have forgotten what she's said or then said the opposite, 30 seconds later.

My mum has strong views which I don't agree with. I have a list of topics in my head that I refuse to engage with her about and make sure I don't introduce them. If she does I very swiftly change the subject. So far so good. We have very interesting conversations about non controversial things and don't have the huge screaming fights we used to. I do believe in calling out misogyny, racism, homophobia but it was becoming too exhausting and really damaging our relationship. She's a lovely mum in many many ways and we do agree on lots of things but not on her more extreme ideas. On the other hand a couple of years ago we had other family over for a get together and a couple of them expressed racists views which they didn't back down in when challenged nor did they respect our home by shutting up. We lasted out their visit but I haven't had them in the house since and I won't ever invite them again. I feel if I do I am some how condoning what they say.

What an idiotic thing to say, OP is talking about one person not all over 55s! Just because it's hit a nerve with you doesn't make it ageist ffs.

No, my parents are pretty old and they are very clear that the racists are just racist, like they always were.

You're right to be concerned for the lives of your grandchildren though. Fascism is on the rise and it is going to make the world very unsafe for all of us.

My son has extremist views, always has although he’s in his forties now. He has what used to be called Asperger’s and cannot hold down a job, cannot stand being told anything long enough to learn a skill, and is marginalised and poor and disenfranchised. All his problems are someone else’s fault .
I am grateful every single day that he manages to live independently.

I think the conflating of people of other races and 'foreigners ' is part of the problem. If not THE problem.

I have some family like this who I have all but cut off and definitely wouldn’t want my step son anywhere near them or their views.

My cousin is younger and has these types of views so it’s definitely not just older people at all.

You could just have no contact but I don't suppose you will do that will you.

Don't worry Op, one day your children will think you are an old, out of date dinosaur with appalling views. They will think their views are the only views to be held just as you do now.

The most level headed thing I've read on this thread.

Challenge - show me the evidence from a reputable news source bbc Reuters etc or a government / science based report that shows your case

I asked that because I wanted to see if anyone else was in a similar position as having parents like this is quite difficult especially growing up. Where as if you have a cousin, friend, uncle like this then it's alot easier to distance yourself and not see them. Again stop pushing the ageist narrative. It's really not.

Old people and young people can both have appaling views.

Just because you are old, it doesn't make them somehow acceptable.

Why would you think that?

I don't think my elderly parents are dinosaurs. I'm proud that they're open minded and progressive, and I'm grateful for the values that they instilled in me. I have instilled the same values in my daughter, and if there ever comes a time when she challenges me on my thinking, I will try to reflect on whether or not she has a point.

So because one's parent has a differant viewpoint (and allegedly votes for a 'racist' party) and wants to go on a protest (this is supposedly a free country) - she must have been radicalised.

For goodness sake how bigoted and judgemental has MN become. The OP asked if she is being unreasonable - yes she is

That's an interesting question. Im really not sure. I guess school and friends did make me see that we should accept cultural differences. I always tried to tell me parents when a terrorist thing happened (like 9/11) that you cannot tar everyone with the same brush and that there will always been extreme people within any religion. Obviously fell on deaf ears. I think it was around 9/11 time that I really realised our views were different and I was around 10 by that point.

Do you mean she wants an end to mass immigration therefore she is racist?

OP you are very young if you were 10 in 2001 at the time of 9/11.
You come across as quite naive and lacking in life experience.

Good deal easier to know how to deal with extreme views in anyone but your mother. That’s what this thread is about — very specific, not ageist.

I've got them in my family too.

Going on about Muslims with weapons yet think it's perfectly fine that British people bardicated a hotel with immigrants and set fire to it attempting to murder them last night! Bat shit crazy.

Had to delete Facebook before I ended up going mental at a few people. 😂