My DM is an extremist

[Summersunshine112]

My parents have always had strong political views, strong racist views, strong fattest views. From a young age I always knew I didn't agree with them and I tried my best to argue back. But I was shouted down and punished for voicing my own opinions. I am ashamed that I have parents who have these views.

However my DM as she's gotten older has begun to have more extreme views. She now follows a far right extreme political party (you probably can guess which one). She has begun watching so much stuff online and since all this unrest recently she's been further sucked into it all. She even told me that she was considering going to a protest in London. She's never said anything like this before.

I have a young DC and I am also worried about them being around my mum. I don't want her extreme views put onto them.

I love my DM because she's my mum but I don't like her as a person and what she believes in and stands for. I feel sad for me. I feel embarrassed and ashamed by her too.

Has anyone else got parents like this? If so what did you do?

Foreign with right to live/work there. Naturalised eventually. My German friend is foreign. My American BiL is foreign.

What do you think foreign means? There’s nothing wrong with being foreign. It means not originally from here.

Well by that metric I'm foreign. I pay tax in the UK. Does that still mean I can't 'spout off about running the country to suit' me? I should just gratefully hand my cash over to HMRC while never voicing an opinion about the direction of the country?

Might depend what you’re saying. Might depend whether you speak as an individual or as a community. Might depend whether I find you objectionable in person, or whether you are like my dogmatic but courteous German friend.

I’m not enjoying your tone here, so I probably wouldn’t enjoy your company. Obviously I’d be no loss to your social circle as I have empathy for my mother’s feelings.

If we don’t attempt at all to understand the feelings of people who disagree with us, how can we move forward? I’m not bothered by people who weren’t born in the uk. My mum sometimes is. And you writing her off because you don’t like that doesn’t endear you to me.

And @User135644 living here is a choice you have made. It’s not a choice my mum has made.

My mum was a Stalinist, right up to her death at 89

@KeirSpoutsTwaddle as a ‘foreigner’ in this country for nearly 30 years I can tell you that the majority of people do not use it as a plainly descriptive word. It’s loaded and weaponised. The same people would object in the strongest terms if called the same when they are in Spain, or France or Dubai hence ex pats. It’s a hypocritical system based on British exceptionalism.

You may see it as a neutral, descriptive word, but you are in a minority.

Intention is always the issue. Not the language.

The fashion for going is awful and plays into the hands of those wanting to break up families. Sure your dm is racist. But are you? I wouldn't worry at all about exposing DC to your mother's views. Since obviously it didn't work on you. It will also teach your DC that people can be misguided but you can be tolerant about it and hope one day to change their minds. That is what love is, to stick together no matter what. Not just the good things but bad too. I hate this fashion of dumping people who have different opinions. Treat them like people fgs.

@KeirSpoutsTwaddle These issues are excuses for racist thugs, not racism themselves.

Indeed. "men" comes to mind...

Viewpoints are not contagious unless the mind is weak

I grew up with a father like your DM. Racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, misogynistic etc… Despite the fact that he was a Jew born to immigrants and married to my mum who came to the UK in her 20s.

I started to push back in my teens when I began forming my own views that didn’t align with his. I too was shouted down and insulted if I disagreed with him. Safe to say I am now NC. There are other reasons why I am NC now but one reason was because I didn’t want my DC being exposed to those views. I’d cut ties I’m afraid OP, she won’t change.

First of all, I've said not one word about your mum, so not sure why you're accusing me of having written her off? Perhaps, despite being native born, your comprehension isn't great? Or you're mixing me up with another poster?

My question was simply whether, as a 'foreigner' I shouldn’t spout off about running the country to suit me? I'm denied the right to have an opinion because I wasn't born here despite the fact that my family has contributed a fairly enormous amount to the British economy in the 20 years we've been here? Does my vote or my opinion genuinely not matter because I wasn't born here? For your talk about understanding people who disagree with us, I certainly don't get the sense you're making any attempt to understand my feelings.

On the subject of your mum (who I doubt would be frightened by me as I'm a native-English-speaking white woman under 5'4"), would she really be comfortable in a crowd of British born, English speaking men like the ones throwing bricks at police officers? Because they seem a lot more dangerous to me than ones who just happened to be born somewhere else.

Yes obviously I love my DM but where crosses the line where you say I can't stick by you and let you do and say awful things. She wanted to join these awful riots, wanted to be apart of the violence. She talks about other races with such hatred and idolises people like Tommy Robinson and Trump. I know she's the making of her own upbringing but still surely you know that being awful to other humans who are just trying to live their lives is mean.

@User135644 I can’t be bothered to trace back and reference where this started. I was talking about my 4 foot 10 mum feeling intimidated when she’s in the supermarket and effectively trapped in the middle of a group of non English speaking people. I defended her right to dislike that experience and speak in a way others might interpret as racism.

I’m sorry your feelings have been hurt- I imagine you wouldn’t be spouting off in an inflammatory way about how this country should be run, as I’ve seen expats in Spain doing. And indeed I questioned some of what I saw in Singapore, but had no right to raise it with locals so didn’t.

The issue on this thread is whether OP is right to dismiss her mum as an extremist for having different political opinions to her.

It’s not about rioting, racism or whatever. It’s not a set of opinions I even share but I share people’s right to have them and favour discussing their concerns not berating them for wrongthink under the assumption is far right extremism and racism when it may be perfectly valid.

Cross post- OP is talking about actual racism and a desire to riot. I take it all back 😆

For those asking my mum supports Reform, before that it was UKIP. She also supports BNP and EDL when it was up and running fully. She loves Tommy Robinson and believes he has been falsely arrested and that the government and police are trying to silence him for talking the truth rather than him commiting any crimes. Its actually insane and I cannot reason or have any conversation about it because I get called "woke" or a sheep or stupid for not opening my eyes and seeing what's in front of me etc.

One thing I often do when people tell me I am worke or sheep is to challenge their argument, not their idea. And by that I mean saying to them “Calling me woke is not going to make me agree with you, It’s a very poor debate skill to resort to personal attacks. Why don’t you tell me about the reasons for the way you think and we can look at the evidence together. Maybe, I’ll be able to understand your point of view better”. I mean, more often than not someone would then tell me to “google it” at which point I decide it’s not worth talking to the person. But every now and then we are actually able to have a much more intelligent discussion and maybe I can disabuse a person from their belief that “immigrants get a free car from the council” as, predictably, none of us can find a council in the country who offers this wonderful opportunity.

The BNP, EDL and Tommy Robinson are far right and extremist. Reform and UKIP are right wing populist parties though they appeal to the far right.

If your mum does nothing but prothletise and rant about far right themes: racial supremecy, authoritarianism, ethnonationalism, the great replacement etc then you have every right to stay away from her as she sounds nuts.

I wouldn't waste my energy trying to change the mind of someone with extreme views. I'm afraid she's lost to you.

I know and this makes me so sad. Its such a conflict because I love her as she's my mum but her extremist views are awful and do not align with me at all. She's not a nice person and for her to even consider to go to the riots was a massive shock to me. I never thought she would do that.

Have you told her exactly what you’ve said? Because if my child said that to me I’d hope it would make me think at least. Sorry op, it must be really hard

Hmmm. I'm a grandmother and my grandchildren have no idea what my political views are, nor will they know until they are older. It seems sad to not allow your children contact with your mum. Have you spoken to her about not mentioning her views in front of children?

If you let your children love a violent racist who celebrates terroristic rioting and the practice of arson and grievous bodily harm directed at men, women, and children of other races is that a good idea?

How can you tell the dancer frim the dance?

I can't imagine anyone I know wanting to join a bunch of thugs throwing bricks at the police. It must be very difficult for you.

And when I questioned her in my shock and said why would you do that they are violent. She replied no they are peaceful protests but the mainstream media don't want to show you that.
She has literally been brainwashed by all social media. I mean she already had the underlying beliefs anyway but the right wing media have made it so much worse