To find parents who inflict pressure to become grandparents creepy

[OptimismvsRealism]

It's creepy, right

My parents will never be grandparents but they have never complained about this (which is just as well because tough) but it seems a lot do.

My husband and I used to joke about our mums being "groody" - broody for grandchildren but also aptly sounds like greedy.

I also suffered greatly from physical and mental health difficulties after my first and their comments about having another (and even another after that) were extremely insensitive and cruel.

They were both uneducated mothers of 4 though so the pressure makes sense really, it's not like they could understand wanting to do anything else.

It's not creepy but it's definitely self centred. Have kids if you want them yourself and never to please others. Potential grandparents need to find ways to fill their own lives.

I think it’s pretty normal to talk about it with your kids, part of having a relationship with them, talking about the future.
I guess it’s difficult to get the balance right. Could sometimes it be misinterpreted as pressure whereas it might just be enquiry.

YANBU, however… I desperately want to be a grandparent. Possibly because I was close to mine and my DC are to theirs. I want it even more than I wanted children of my own and if ends up not happening I will be desperately, desperately sad.
But I know this is my issue and I have to keep it to myself. My children can never know how strongly I feel about this. It is 100% their decision.

You should absolutely not be doing that
You have had your turn at having babies. Get a pet or a hobby.

It is up to your DC whether they have them or not. You would be very lucky if they didn't tell you to mind your own business. It has nothing to do with you.

I would like in the future to have grandkids and be as involved as I can (though not overbearing as many threads on here have made me worried) BUT my son has said "nope never no way" and "why would I want to be waken at 5am" though he is autistic so I totally get it lol
My daughter would like kids but who knows what the future holds. I would never pressure or try and influence as its not my choice. I've done my part in the species 🙃 though I admit there would be some satisfaction in telling my kids "told u so" when/if they have terrible twos/tweenager/teenager kids of their own. (Ps joke incase anyone missed it)

My mother kept asking when we were having kids. I was like ‘Do you basically want to know when we’re having sex? Far too personal!’ Shut her right up.

When I was younger, and had been
single for several years, i went home to
visit my parents for the weekend, and when they were driving me back to the train station my mum turned around to tell me “your dad and I have been speaking, and we wanted to let you know that if you ever have an “accident”, we would help you to bring it up”.

I was and still am gobsmacked - so desperate for grandchildren they wanted me to get knocked up!

And then by the time I was in love and pregnant many years later, they had already had four grandchildren and had completely lost interest - mum didn’t even stop washing the dishes when I told her!!

But plenty of people love their families and loved their childhoods and want to replicate that and add to their family. Perhaps their parents are simply excited and looking forward to being able to share in and support that.

Though, obviously, it's unfair to put pressure if their children don't want that.

It’s very likely I won’t get to be a grandparent. I’m being very careful not to say anything to dc. The only place I might talk about my disappointment is with DH or online. I know is something I have absolutely no right to an opinion, even if I had my own dreams.

i also understand the rational of the next generation being extremely hesitant to have children. I was nervous enough about doing it myself. The climate and economic situations have only gotten worse.

Creepy isn't the right word in my opinion.

A parent who does this may be self-centred because they want babies in the family or because they enjoyed the experience and don't wish their children to miss out or because it's traditional in their culture to say whatever is on their mind and not hold back.

I won't be "pressuring" my children when older, but I certainly don't think people who mention or ask about having children or chat about future plans to be "creeps".

Some people consider even mentioning something to be "putting pressure on". I suppose it all depends on what you are used to.

I'm not white and I am well used to relatives who feel the need to speak their mind on any and every topic. I don't think they are creeps.

@KittytheHare

Ha ha, it was the first cold-ish looking animal I could think of

It's creepy to aspire to your kid doing anything in particular with their genitals.

As a pp said, if you like babies (weird to me but whatever) get a doll.

Yep I think it’s weird. My mum is pressuring me to have a third child- no chance. And the first time I got pregnant she goes “ ohh you do have sex then!” Like wtf! Bloody weird!

Ewwww what is wrong with people

Tell me about it! And the ironic thing is , she’s not even a hands on grandparent!

How can you say sky puppies are cold?

look at that face..

I’ll be honest your view of it is really creepy. Not many grandparents think beyond having another baby in the family and that’s it.

Maybe you should look at why you are a bit creeped out with something most people take for granted happens and don’t give it a second thought.

It can definitely be creepy! DH and I were married 8 years before we started TTC. My mum mentioned it once during that time, casually, in the context of a wider conversation, in a "if you and DH ever have kids..." way.
But my FIL would say things like "MIL and I were wondering if maybe you can't get pregnant because you had a termination" (in my teens, not with DH). Once he outright asked me if we were using contraception or just struggling to conceive.
I still feel so angry and violated and humiliated when I think of his questions. So fucking weird and invasive to ask your daughter in law for details about her sex life! Funnily enough, they never asked DH... 🙄

Mm I think being unthinking is a bad idea, on the whole. Adults know where babies come from.

I couldn’t have kids and fortunately my mother was never desperate for grandchildren. She was happy enough with granddogs.

YABU.

Parents, especially older ones, want to see their line continue as it’s the only way to “live forever”.

FWIW, I think having kids is the best thing in life, and wish the amazing joy it brought me for my kids too.

A pretty self centred view.

Few parents actually come up with that shit at the time though (no offence)
It really is a grandmotherly way of looking at it.