To find parents who inflict pressure to become grandparents creepy

[OptimismvsRealism]

It's creepy, right

My parents will never be grandparents but they have never complained about this (which is just as well because tough) but it seems a lot do.

I would be appalled if I were your child and you said this to me. So passive-aggressive! Please do not do this to your children as it will serdamage your relationship(s).

I absolutely do not and will not feel like I’m missing out.

Am reminded of this (real) advert

YANBU. I used to feel really sorry for a friend of a dd, whose Dm was always wailing that at this rate she was never going to have any grandchildren. The poor girl (mid-30s ish) just hadn’t found the right bloke to have them with - it wasn’t her choice.
So insensitive of the DM.
(The dd did eventually find him and have 2 dcs though.).

Some people might .

I recall over-hearing my mother and mother in law talking, obviously about the lack of children when we'd been married for 8 years, and my mother said 'Oh, they won't have children, they're enjoying themselves too much!'.

Then they should get a puppy !

This poster is just being a GF, also disrespectful as well. This poster sounds about 15 or younger with the language used.
I never pressured mine to have children, in fact I really dud not care. I have them now and I love them, but would never see it as my business.

My mum shames me for being a childless cat lady AFTER I HAVE HAD A BABY.

Apparently I was all unfulfilled before. Whereas now I get to talk about poo and never do my hobbies!

I'm the opposite, I don't want to be a grandparent. Hopefully, neither of my DC have kids.

5 days after my 4th miscarriage my mother asked me when I was going to have children. I hadn’t told anyone apart from DH about the pregnancies I lost as it was early each time. I’ve never managed to have the Grandchildren's she wants. She used to do the ‘at this rate I’ll never have Grandchildren!’ Just glad my brother managed to have a couple (grown ups now) but she rarely sees them as his ex made hard for him to see the kids and he never pushed it via court.

i was in emotional pain and she just made it worse.

I`ll never be a grandparent because i never wanted children.
Never bothered my mother if i had them or not.

My mum did a lot of talking about how she couldn't wait to be a grandchild, and we'd need to get a move on to make her a grandmother etc.

I wasn't sure I wanted kids, would have been OK if I hadn't had them, and DH and I also thought (for various reasons) it would never happen. We have now and she says things like "we waited a long time for this" etc. And TBF my parents are amazing grandparents.

However, it's turned out my sister can't have kids, and desperately wanted them. And she feels like she's let out parents down, which has also mortified them. So if we hadn't been able to have children, both of us would have felt like we'd failed.

Creepy isn't the right word, but it is a terrible thing to pressure your kids for. Because anything could happen to mean that those grandchildren don't materialize...

I always wanted to be a nana.. and i will not lie, my children have always known i was looking forward to my nana years, but i wouldn't say there was ever any pressure on the children to make my dream come true!

One DD has always wanted to be a mum, so i knew one day, eventually the day would come. My othe DD will let hell freeze over before she ruins her body by birthing a child! I still love and adore the pair or them, its their decision!

I most certainly didn't inflict pressure on them!

I know several people who have not been able to have children despite trying everything. One on particular has not told her mother of her struggles beyond the first loss, because of a lack of sympathy from her. Another who doesn't want to tell her parents because she doesn't want to disappoint them.

@lazysummerdayz think very carefully about voicing your thoughts, as you don't know the real reason anyone is child free.

I never pressured my dcs. To be honest, I hadn't ever thought about being a GP and felt sorry for children of colleagues who were forever going on about having dgc, even before their own children were in settled relationships. When one of my dcs told us we going to be GPS, I was amazed at the sudden strength of feeling I had about it. And that only magnified when dgc 1 was born and then, a few years later, dgc2. I doubt that dc1 will have children - they and partner have demanding careers and both want to be successful. For the female, their career would be severely impacted by taking time out. I completely respect this. I have never mentioned children to either DC prior to the announcement. I hated it when my mum or mil would drop heavy hints about it and would never do that to mine.

My mother was desperate for grandchildren. Once they arrived she showed no interest in them whatsoever and told me before DD1 was born that she would never babysit or help
out. She was only interested in their achievements so that she could boast to her friends or ask me aggressively why mine didn’t eat Brussels sprouts as Enid’s grandchildren loved them.

I don’t think it’s creepy, but it’s inappropriate

OMG that advert is priceless!!

I won't lie, I would absolutely love grandchildren and I'm at that age where quite a few of my friends have them now. But I wouldn't dream of even mentioning it to my dc. If I wanted one that badly I should have fertility treatment, apply to foster or adopt, work in a nursery etc not start nagging my dc to have children. I would probably have ended up with a collection of those reborn dolls but I find they look like my youngest did when they showed him to me before he was whisked off to nicu to go on a ventilator.

Again it's not your decision. As for hoping your own children don't get to experience parenthood in all its joys and difficulties, yet you have allowed yourself to have your own children....there's no logic to that whatsoever.

I'm a grandparent, my grandchild brings me untold joy, I do a lot of childcare and I feel that it's a privilege to be able to have a close loving relationship with my grandchild. I hope that I will be lucky enough to have more grandchildren one day, but that's not my decision and I totally respect that.

I’ve had to deal with literally years of comments from my MIL about her want for us to have grandchildren and yes it’s creepy - because our sex life is none of her business. She also already has grandchildren so has never been missing out the whole time she’s made these comments. I think people are imagining it if a mother said it to their daughter and think it’s not so bad or creepy. Now imagine if it was a father or father in law saying it to a young woman in their life - instantly more creepy isn’t it? It’s creepy

I don’t think want grandchildren is creepy neither is pressurising you for them. The pressure is overbearing and not great but hardly creepy.

Even if your dad wanted children it’s no guarantee “eventually the day would come”

you say you didn’t inflict pressure but if they’ve always known your desire for GC then that itself is pressure.

if your dd had struggled to conceive the knowledge of disappointing you would have added to the heartache.

i’d quite like to have young kids around again but am considering emergency childcare/respite rather than expecting grandchildren.

i see marriage/children as only one choice. I get the feeling some people think it’s the only choice, above career or any other achievements. As long as my kids get to live the life they want then that’s good with me, whether it’s traditional family or travelling round the world.

I’m very glad my brother has kids, because I know how much pleasure my parents get / got from their grandchildren.

But I’m also bloody grateful that they never put any pressure on any of us either way. I don’t think it would be creepy but I do think it would be massively unfair.