To find parents who inflict pressure to become grandparents creepy

[OptimismvsRealism]

It's creepy, right

My parents will never be grandparents but they have never complained about this (which is just as well because tough) but it seems a lot do.

I got married too young and there was some pressure on the subject of "when you have children". I had no interest in having them and divorced quickly. My mum's friend told me I was selfish as it was my mum's "right" to be a grandparent. I politely told her to do one.

I did eventually have two children. Sadly my mum only met my eldest child but she died at 60 and missed out on my son and my brother's child. It does make me sad but I have no regrets about having children when it was right for me.

To add, my daughter does not want children and I am absolutely behind her with that decision. I don't expect to be a grandparent.

It's natural I think tp want to see your children with grandchildren especially when it's happening to others around you. You can sort of feel like your missing out

That's ridiculous, though.
Missing out?!
It's not all about me, the parent.
They're their own person. With their own lives and ambitions.
Not an extension of me and what I do or don't want

Keep that opinion to yourself.

I am actively advising my kids not to have kids. Times have changed from when I had them.

I'm not sure about creepy. But I don't like it. Or anything really that implies you want your kids to live their life a certain way. Usually it seems to be 'do what I did' but I think sometimes it's pressure the other way. Ie parents who didn't have a great education and really drill it into their kids they have to be a doctor or lawyer etc.

As far as I'm concerned, I've had 2 kids, but their lives are theirs to do what they want with. While they are way to young to know yet, I kind of expect them not to get married and/or have kids. But who knows?

You wanted a family so that WAS one of your hopes and dreams.

For people who don't it is an abandoned of them.

It’s inappropriate and none of their business, but it’s not creepy. And your post here is offensive. The olds? Grow up.

Why does it offend you?

God, you sound like you’re 5 years old.

You're right.

The word is sinister.

This is just as bad - it's literally nothing to do with you whether they should or not.

YANBU. My mother never did this to me and I'll never do it to my daughters if anything, I'll warn them off!
It helps, though, that my mother has the maternal instinct of a bat!

You're lovely

Bats are actually very maternal - have you never heard of bat maternity roosts?!

Seems like a lot of projection going on

Was just about to say this, there are bat midwives and everything!

@OptimismvsRealism ok but equally who is having a family simply because their mum told them to? That seems pretty weak minded all round surely. And whoever was actively telling their children not to have kids, that really isn't any better (I realise that wasn't you though OP). As with most things in life- we can only do what feels right to us based on the information and understanding we have available to us.

Agree. I have 4 kids, ranging from 33 to 17. The eldest definitely does not want children, 2nd won’t have any and youngest two gave said they don’t want any. I’m more than happy with that! If they do have them thats ok too but i definitely do not yearn for grandchildren.

my daughter’s friend is pregnant. Shes 17 and admitted to us she didn’t want the baby but was pressured by her mum and made to feel extremely guilty to even consider not having the baby. It’s so sad that that baby is for her mum not her .

Worse are the people who when a grandchild does arrive, lose all their sensibilities and dump everyone else in favour of the grandchild.

when dh’s marriage fell apart (her affair) they chose to see her and not him so they could keep popping in/have her round to see the grandchildren!

You sound like you're 15 years old. I can't understand why you can't understand why some people would love to have grandchildren. I'm not one of those people but I can understand that others are. It's unfair to put huge pressure on your kids of course, but it's not horrendous or creepy to wish or hope to have grand children.

What about people who find/found being a mum really? Do they want grandchildren?
Because I fall into this category. I'd like to spend my 50s/60s/70s doing the things I can't do now I have a young daughter.
Of course if I did have a grandchild, I'd love them and want to look after them.
But it wouldn't be my first choice, I'll be honest. Being a parent is tough! It must be even harder looking after (grand) kids when you are old!

It is creepy + horrendous. Wanting grandchild to the extent of hassling your kids about it is revolting.

*really tough 🙈

If DC can rear their kids without expecting regular childcare or financial help- as I did-then yes, nothing to do with me. But if you look at most of the posts on MN, this does not appear to be the case. Childcare is so expensive now that most people expect childcare from grandparents, and I am not up for that. The occasional bit yes, but not regularly. Mean as it may sound.

That said, creepy is the wrong word here, and the OP 's post is very weird.