To wonder why more parents don't encourage daughters to freeze eggs?

[alesndra]

I know , I know - money! But there's so many more parents that help out their children by buying them housing or contributing large sums towards the wedding. Why isn't egg freezing a more common "gift"?

For example, I grew up quite comfortable and my parents wanted to help me build up a safety net. When I finished uni they bought me a flat in central London (for which I am immensely grateful) and paid a substantial amount towards my wedding (again, very very thankful for this). So they clearly have money and were willing to use it to help me out in life. Similarly now, I've mentioned we might do IVF and parents have said if they can help out financially they are very willing. So... why is it that so few girls are encouraged by their parents at age 18-25 to freeze eggs by their parents? Why, among all of my friends, even ones who went to private school and come from super rich backgrounds, have none of us been "gifted" an egg freezing round but many got flats etc? Not ungrateful but just wondering why culturally it's not as common when it could save so many tears, stress and even money down the line to be used on unsuccessful IVF rounds as egg quality declines?
I feel like this is 100% something I would "gift" my daughter, ahead of for example cars or flats. Or am I missing something?

Egg collection is painful, invasive, and unpleasant. It can also carry significant health risks. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer my surgeon and oncologist both told me that having IVF was likely to be one of the major contributory factors to having developed my cancer, along with other unnatural hormone use such as the pill and the Mirena coil.

I have every sympathy with infertility and I support a woman's right to pursue whatever medical treatment she is comfortable with, but personally had I not been able to have children naturally i would have either fostered or adopted, or failing that taken on a shit load of rescue dogs that need serious rehabilitation and aren't suitable to be around children. There's no way me or my Mum would have ever dreamed of freezing my eggs in any circumstances that's just off the table for me.

Because a surgical procedure is not widely regarded as a desirable gift, especially when it's to cure a problem that probably does not exist.

I reckon we have a biological clock for a reason.
If my daughters wanted a career and pushed kids back until 45, then that's their prerogative, but I don't think it's healthy to have 4 kids then.
It is going to be harder to have kids at 35 /40 than 25. That's life and everyone should know that.
I think we often play with our biology and most of it has come out as not as harmless as we initially thought.
Even something like birth control. Jeez we thought it was the best thing yet and used it like sweets.
Only now are we starting to figure out that it maybe wasn't that good for all the girls' health to be kept hormonally 'pregnant' for 20 years. (From 16 to 36)

I think this whole egg freezing and ivf is going to have a similar trajectory.
Sounds great that woman now have the option to focus on the careers and have babies later. Only to figure out that maybe you werent supposed to have your babies at 38, 40 and 42.
That maybe being 60 and having a teenager isn't that much fun.
Or whatever we will figure out

Bloody hell @alesndra I read this and I thought you must be 30s/40s with a looong history of TTC. So your rather mad question is borne from frustration. But it turns out you're only late 20's and you have a child already.

You've clearly been brought up in a rarefied atmosphere. It it mean to say that this may well have buggered up your critical thinking skills?

Exactly!

Great msg. That's the thing
We're going to sit with tons of women with breast cancer for example because their parents thought they were giving them a gift. I think even stating that an invasive medical procedure should be standard shows a huge lack of insight on your side op.

You can keep them frozen for 55 years now

It's expensive

It's potentially lethal

The prospect of gestating a fertile embryo to full term is so slim, It's almost futile

For information - the ten years thing doesn’t apply any more - it’s 55 years you can store now. Different clinics differ on age they’ll go up to for defrosting. Not tooooo hard to find a clinic that will go up to 50 in the UK and you’d probably find somewhere that wouls take you up to 55.

the success rates are VASTLY better than these days because they use a different technology now. It’s basically just a dash lower than IVF for the age at which you froze your eggs. (And the slighty less because of my freeze maybe offset by the fact that there no fertility issues leading to IVF).

@Gingernaut that is incorrect

Because most parents don't interfere in their daughters' decisions in this type of issue.

Their daughters may want to have children or not. They may want to leave having children later. These are personal decisions an adult woman should take without her parents offering any type of "encouragement".

@theworldsmad before birth control lots of women had babies at those ages

So true! You think fb are doing it because they're so nice? Really thinking about their lovely employee, Lily?
Nope its economical to them. They basically pay so that you will work for them longer and not go on maternity or leave ( stats show that many women stop working especially in such high stress tech jobs, once they have kids). And then maybe by the time you actually want to use those eggs (as you've put off kids for so long, because you've frozen your eggs, so why have kids early)?, you can't even use them.
Facebook wins all the way.

It was almost never their first babies.
We know that the age of the mother at the first baby is significant in chances of Downs syndrome etc.

Because what my daughter does with her own eggs is her buisness, not mine.

@theworldsmad Down’s syndrome I understand is from the age of the egg when frozen - so the risk profile one the OPs hypothetical would be for an 18 year old egg.

what difference does it make if it’s a first or fifth baby at 41?

While it worked for me I do agree it gives a false notion of how long fertility is extended for - in reality it is only by a few years. However, for women who haven’t met someone those few years can make all the difference in terms of finances etc

Glad not to be the only one 😀

It's a hugely invasive procedure ... it's not without risk and if someone reacts badly to the drugs to stimulate their ovaries they could really risk their future fertility. As someone who was fortunate for IVF (on the second attempt) to work I would say it's not a fucking easy fix!

If parents are going to provide

When children are born, all genders

A savings account is opened
A pension is started
A funeral is paid for
Blood & placenta stored
Micro chip added

The freezing of eggs / sperms

What will happen in a 100 years time ?

I married at 22 and used withdrawal method for 8 years and never got pregnant. Been ttc for one year and still nothing

But basically used risky contraception in my 20s and still never got pregnant so youth doesn't necessarily mean you get pregnant easily...

In a nutshell, yes YABU.

I have had successful IVF/ICSI (currently pregnant) and have 2 more embryos frozen at the age of 29. If I had had my eggs frozen in my early 20s it would have made zero difference to my conception abilities because we had treatment due to male factor infertility, which is up to a third of all couples seeking fertility treatment in the UK.

I also was very very unwell and hospitalised after egg retrieval with OHSS, something that seems worth it now I am pregnant with my husband's baby, but had I been doing that on the off chance I might want children one day I would be more than a bit miffed.

I am very lucky to come from a similar place of privilege, my mum gave me money for a house deposit, and a large chunk for our wedding. When she heard we needed IVF she offered to pay, I think the words were "I don't want finance to be a barrier to this if it's what you want, I'll help you", as it happened we managed to fund the majority of it ourselves (up to £7k so far).

OP, I understand you're struggling to conceive your 2nd, and so you're thinking this from a different place than lots of people on this thread, but as some one who has done it successfully at the same/similar age as you, egg retrieval earlier would not have been the answer to your current issues. Wishing you the best of luck.

It gives a false sense of security as the chances of actually having a baby this way is so low. I think it's a 12% success rate.

Are you finding “money can’t buy everything” a hard lesson?