To wonder why more parents don't encourage daughters to freeze eggs?

[alesndra]

I know , I know - money! But there's so many more parents that help out their children by buying them housing or contributing large sums towards the wedding. Why isn't egg freezing a more common "gift"?

For example, I grew up quite comfortable and my parents wanted to help me build up a safety net. When I finished uni they bought me a flat in central London (for which I am immensely grateful) and paid a substantial amount towards my wedding (again, very very thankful for this). So they clearly have money and were willing to use it to help me out in life. Similarly now, I've mentioned we might do IVF and parents have said if they can help out financially they are very willing. So... why is it that so few girls are encouraged by their parents at age 18-25 to freeze eggs by their parents? Why, among all of my friends, even ones who went to private school and come from super rich backgrounds, have none of us been "gifted" an egg freezing round but many got flats etc? Not ungrateful but just wondering why culturally it's not as common when it could save so many tears, stress and even money down the line to be used on unsuccessful IVF rounds as egg quality declines?
I feel like this is 100% something I would "gift" my daughter, ahead of for example cars or flats. Or am I missing something?

yes, I naturally conceived dd at 41. At 42 i wanted another, but then abandoned it after the egg thawing process. it did offer me some peace of mind in my childless days though and served a purpose. A rather expensive one .

but no word of a lie. I cried and cried and cried when I found out what a con it had been.

Im late 40s and my own experience of egg freezing was positive. But I have ended up not deciding to use my eggs 🤷‍♀️

i went through a number of cycles in my mid/late 30s when I was having health issues (that in themselves didn’t impact on fertility. The process does have risks, but I found it a bit uncomfortable but not awful (and less emotional than IVF as it’s only the first bit and it’s all hypothetical at that stage). It did cost me a fair wack. And I froze enough eggs that I would be very very unlucky for it not to be successful.

im pleased I did it because I feel that now I have been able to make a conscious decision not to have a child l. I am in a position now where if I really wanted to I could - although age of course now is a factor that it wouldn’t have been earlier. It turns out that I actually quite like my life and the thought of a child overwhelms me. But i equally might have met someone and been thrilled to have frozen my eggs so I could have a baby with them 🤷‍♀️

So I’ve found it a really empowering decision and I have no regrets. But I also am not loaded but could pay for it without shocking sacrifices.

so I have conflicting feelings on egg freezing. For me it’s been a good thing. But at a more macro level I think it has potential to be negative for many women.

Truthfully oP, I can see this is probably a post made at a time when you are feeling you would like more control and that suggestion probably seems like a way round it. But in your late twenties your eggs are not past it. If there’s an issue it’s more likely a carrying issue than an egg one, and lots can be done at your age. Fingers crossed and chin-up.

What makes you think that using your frozen eggs, even if frozen when you were 18, would give you better chances than having a fresh IVF now?

I am sorry but you're not being reasonable.

On a different note, I've seen people on Mumsnet going for IVF after FOUR months of TTC because they classify it as 'unable to conceive' and go and pay for private IVF thinking it's the easy route. Would probably be even more common if those people had frozen eggs.

How bizarre. I've never had this discussion with anybody in real life but egg freezing is always all over MN.

Because it’s a bizarre thing to do. Why would someone assume that their child may not meet someone and have kids naturally? It’s kind of odd ‘ow darling in case you struggle to conceive or find a man here’s some money to freeze some eggs’ bloody charming! I think my daughter would think I’m an arsehole. I wonder if this is a class thing as my parents couldn’t afford to help with home deposits or wedding costs so the thought of freezing eggs would never enter their consciousness. Is this what rich people worry about ,ticking boxes?

Totally agree. I think it’s mortifying that a parent would do this. It’s saying to your child your role is to carry on the family line and it contributes to this idea in society that women who don’t want or have children are useless.

yup, also the processes needed to be able to use the eggs....including a sperm donor?

A much better question is why don’t parents contribute to children’s pensions more regularly… and the answer is the same - parents focus on helping children at their current life stage.

Most people who want children won’t have trouble conceiving so it’s seems unnecessary to routinely pay for egg retrievals. However fertility tests at a young age might be useful as this might better inform when women choose to have babies.

From a hierarchy of needs perspective, it’s probably also not that sensible to start planning for a baby until you have secure housing hence the flat deposit first.

One of the weirdest posts I have seen. Ever.

OP I find the idea of making egg freezing to become a societal norm very strange.

Yes it’s expensive, also an unpleasant procedure, conception success rates are waaaay higher than IVF, you’d be selling a dream that might not happen. Why not have open conversation about fertility decline with aging instead?

I’ve read some weird dystopian shit on MN and this is vying for the top of the table.

Because it's completely fucked up.

Yes- youre missing the very real point that the vast majority of women are able to reproduce without needing IVF, that they should be able to have children when they are at their most fertile but that in today’s society women in careers have to be seen to devote their lives to the job instead of taking time out to have a family.
You’re in e position of benefitting from having wealthy parents who’ve paid out a small fortune to make your life easy. Most women are not in your position.

I am so sick of hearing about women's biological clock. I get it. We only have X number of years to get pregnant.

If my mother or father suggested egg freezing to me when I was 18, I would have been horrified.

There seems to be so much societal neurosis around women in their 20s and 30s not having kids. Perhaps the world is going to have to change in order to accommodate a higher number of childless women, rather than constantly putting pressure on them to reproduce.

The thought of going through a miserable, expensive egg-retrieving process with a high failure rate- just so I might be able to slightly extend my fertility in a decade's time seems rather pointless.

Sorry, a nerve was hit.

I am genuinely sorry for anyone who really wanted children and was unable to have them. Egg freezing is not the solution.

Some people are not biologically "past it" in your sense--some people have to have chemotherapy at a relatively young age and have their fertility messed up as a result. Indeed young women who go through chemo are often asked (at least in the US) whether they would like to go through this procedure before their treatment starts. A little kindness and much less shortsighted moralization, please!

I think once you need fertility treatment, and know the statistics of infertility, you see things very differently. Most of the responses here are from people who have not had to go through infertility treatment so you aren’t going to garner much support. I sort of agree with you insofar as I think more women should be made aware of how common infertility is at a younger age when they might want to consider a round of egg freezing, unless they know they want to start trying in their early 20s. However, I wouldn’t go as far as suggesting everyone should automatically do it.

Because the chance of having a child using a frozen egg is absolutely tiny.

They are embryos, not foetuses. They are just a few cells when frozen.

What would have been far far better would be that Facebook were to pay their female workers a decent maternity package so they could have children earlier, instead of pretending to value their employees.

It's got a very low rate of success in a live birth. I read somewhere that's it's something like 10% to 30% depending on the age of the woman at the age of egg retrieval. A lot of women who consider it don't realise it's more likely it won't work. Also, at the time when it might be optimal age to freeze eggs, you might be focusing on other things and not planning for imaginary future children.

Yes. And I have realised OP is going through infertility so some of the responses are a bit harsh ( including earlier ones of my own). I think she is casting about feeling a bit helpless.

That said, I’m not sure that would have been the answer op, and, happily, I suspect some of the better possibilities are still open to you. Good luck 🤞

This

Because I wouldn't interfere to that extent in my daughter ( or son and his wife’s) life.

Because most people don't need it.