To wonder why more parents don't encourage daughters to freeze eggs?

[alesndra]

I know , I know - money! But there's so many more parents that help out their children by buying them housing or contributing large sums towards the wedding. Why isn't egg freezing a more common "gift"?

For example, I grew up quite comfortable and my parents wanted to help me build up a safety net. When I finished uni they bought me a flat in central London (for which I am immensely grateful) and paid a substantial amount towards my wedding (again, very very thankful for this). So they clearly have money and were willing to use it to help me out in life. Similarly now, I've mentioned we might do IVF and parents have said if they can help out financially they are very willing. So... why is it that so few girls are encouraged by their parents at age 18-25 to freeze eggs by their parents? Why, among all of my friends, even ones who went to private school and come from super rich backgrounds, have none of us been "gifted" an egg freezing round but many got flats etc? Not ungrateful but just wondering why culturally it's not as common when it could save so many tears, stress and even money down the line to be used on unsuccessful IVF rounds as egg quality declines?
I feel like this is 100% something I would "gift" my daughter, ahead of for example cars or flats. Or am I missing something?

I also didn't realise rich women did this as "standard"

I don’t think it’s necessary.

Because a baby is not a commodity

It's assuming our Dds want to have children.

Because the implied message of ‘we really want grandchildren so we’ll use our financial status to make you feel strong-armed into having this procedure done’ could feel really invasive.

I agree with these ^^ and all the other replies.

Whether DD wants babies or not (she doesn't) is none of my business. It's her life not mine. This is about what the parents want not the daughters, and has hints of The Handmaids Tale about it.

What is it with some women who think they are missing out by not being grandparents?

This. My parents couldn’t have afforded any of that but if they could, and suggested egg freezing, I’d have been horrified. Whether or not I have kids is none of their business. Even if I wanted kids I’d have refused the egg freezing on a point of principle if they offered such a thing.

Because insurance that comes with no guarantees but that does come with a horrible procedure is a crap gift that wouldn’t occur to most people.

My friend was gifted egg freezing by her employer (she is employed by Facebook in the US) when she was in her 20s. I don't think the OP's suggestion is so crazy, people would take up that gift if it was on the table.

Also, can you imagine having your parents pay to freeze your eggs when you marry at 28, only to have them watching your every move from 30 onwards, and then at 33 or something, laying on the pressure because it ‘doesn’t look like it’s going to happen naturally’ and you’re ‘not getting any younger’?
’Oh but we spent all that money on freezing those eggs for you when you were young. The least you could do is try…’
Yuck.

Because legally we're only allowed to store the eggs for a limited amount of time. Since a lot of women are having children a lot later now, freezing them in your early 20s would be a pointless exercise

Because egg freezing is incredibly presumptive. Why assume that having children is on the agenda for everyone.

Everybody needs a roof over their head and IF parents are able to make a contribution that makes much more sense than encouraging someone to freeze their eggs - what happens when you've paid a shedload of money to freeze eggs and then the daughter decides 'nah I don't fancy children now'

Because it is hugely intrusive for parents to "encourage" their daughters to have children by any means, whether traditional, IVF or whatever. It's none of their business. Frankly, any parent going down this route with an adult daughter is likely to be told to F off!

I'm really surprised that anyone who has gone through egg collection would recommend it as standard to everyone. I certainly wouldn't want my daughter to go through it unless very necessary.

Does anyone have any stats on success using frozen eggs. I was led to believe it's much less likely to result in a successful pregnancy than using frozen embryos

This is just an insane concept. Why not gift your uterus to your daughter so she doesn't have to go on mat leave until the baby is born, or so she doesn't lose her figure? Why not gift a kidney in case one of hers packs up at some unspecified date? Why not buy her a head or whole body cryo unit, etc, etc
Is there something in the water this week? Common sense seems to be sadly lacking across the entire country

Ignore me. The law changed in 2021.

And how many young women do you think would willingly consent to egg retrieval at their parents' behest?

And finally (I’ll stop soon, I promise) the horror of toxic parents or PILs who decide they’ve got a bigger stake in your child, and can make decisions for them, because ‘DC wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for us’.

Do you work for the fertility industry?

There is no reason for young women to see themselves as walking wombs or producers of babies.

They may or may not choose to have children at some point in their lives.

If they do, the vast majority will not need help to do so.

Those who do need help, it is more complicated than 'premium eggs' for most.

Not everyone wants their eggs frozen? I wouldn’t want to raise a child without a father. I know that’s my choice but I can’t be the only woman thinking the same.

Also easy to make the statement about asking for your eggs to be frozen instead of money for anything else when you’ve already been bought a house, a wedding, god knows what else. Plenty of people would prefer the security of their own home or at least a deposit given the choice.

It's a really unpleasant idea, tbh. I can see why you've reverse-engineered the logic of the thought in your own situation but I think the ethics of it being widely practised are pretty gross.

Egg freezing is really low success rates isn't it? Frozen embryos are much higher. Then your daughters either need to have them fertilised with donor sperm and hope the man wants an unrelated baby. Or fertilise it with the current boyfriends sperm and hope they don't split up because she can't use them without his consent.

What an awful thing to say. Maybe women don't want babies?!

The success rates are lower than with fresh eggs, or even frozen embryos iirc.

Egg freezing patients ‘misled’ by clinics https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-68505321
How successful is egg freezing in the UK?

Few patients in the UK have come back to use their frozen eggs, but for those who do, the success rates are slightly lower than IVF using fresh eggs - which is about 20-30% per round depending on age. It could be as low as 5% for people in their 40s, according to HFEA.

Struggling to conceive may not be due to the egg quality though. Why would I pay to put my young daughters through an invasive, expensive, possibly unnecessary procedure - may have no fertility issues, egg quality may not be the issue with fertility, may not want children. Do you think we should encourage our sons to freeze their sperms also from a young age because the mobility and quality is better or they may face future issues such as testicular cancer.

Yes it feels like your own parents have a vested interest, I.e grandchildren.

Because I wouldn’t encourage my dd to undergo unnecessary medical procedures, nor assume that having children is something she would want to do, and if she did then it’s literally none of my business how she goes about that. What a weird question.

It's against nature.

It's not biology's fault people are waiting until they are biologically "past it" to have children.

It's invasive, expensive at the time and an on going expense that might come to nothing anyway.