To wonder why more parents don't encourage daughters to freeze eggs?

[alesndra]

I know , I know - money! But there's so many more parents that help out their children by buying them housing or contributing large sums towards the wedding. Why isn't egg freezing a more common "gift"?

For example, I grew up quite comfortable and my parents wanted to help me build up a safety net. When I finished uni they bought me a flat in central London (for which I am immensely grateful) and paid a substantial amount towards my wedding (again, very very thankful for this). So they clearly have money and were willing to use it to help me out in life. Similarly now, I've mentioned we might do IVF and parents have said if they can help out financially they are very willing. So... why is it that so few girls are encouraged by their parents at age 18-25 to freeze eggs by their parents? Why, among all of my friends, even ones who went to private school and come from super rich backgrounds, have none of us been "gifted" an egg freezing round but many got flats etc? Not ungrateful but just wondering why culturally it's not as common when it could save so many tears, stress and even money down the line to be used on unsuccessful IVF rounds as egg quality declines?
I feel like this is 100% something I would "gift" my daughter, ahead of for example cars or flats. Or am I missing something?

And I'm not questioning why 18-25 year olds don't do that themselves because... 18 year olds are rarely thinking about that type of thing and , at least for me, I don't think I was mature or life experienced enough to think that far ahead!

Because the procedure to retrieve the eggs isn’t easy or straightforward, neither is using those eggs down the line when you want to have kids.

Because it’s very expensive, uncomfortable and invasive, there is no guarantee of success and it’s not some magical way of stopping g the biological clock?

It has some health risks, is not that effective in terms of odds of a live birth, expensive, including ongoing costs, and is not something warranting unsolicited parental advice IMO

Because it’s a horrible procedure by all accounts.

I have had egg retrieval, so I am aware what the procedure involves. Just that whilst doing it I thought so many times "if only I had 18 year old me's eggs"...

As far as I'm aware egg freezing isn't ideal. It has problems and a high rate of abnormality & miscarriage. It also involves very invasive, painful and dangerous medical intervention.

If you are going to freeze anything it's better with embryos but that takes a willing partner, who will then have a lifelong hold on you/your fertility.

I've encouraged DCs to have DCs in their 20s and plan careers etc around that.

All of the above, but also the fact that women having their first babies later is quite a recent cultural phenomenon. I'm 34 and it wouldn't have occurred to my parents when I was 18 that I wouldn't just do the same as them and get married mid 20s and have a baby immediately.

Unpleasant procedure and may be totally unnecessary. I'd have been horrified if I'd been 'gifted' this by my parents.

Because a baby is not a commodity

It's painful, expensive and not necessary in a lot of cases.

Because not everyone wants children, it’s painful and invasive with no guarantee of success for starters.

@Carebearsonmybed in fairness, my parents have encouraged me to have children in my 20s, which I have tried to do...

I think what you're "missing" is that you and your parents are outliers. Hugely removed from the norm.

It's assuming our Dds want to have children.

Why are you thinking of IVF, are you having fertility issues? No-one gifts IVF egg freezing because no-one thinks infertility is going to happen to them 🤷‍♀️ it's very uncommon to go through the difficult and expensive process when you're unlikely to ever need it (unless you know early there's an issue).

Not all women want babies. Not all women are comfortable with freezing eggs. Not all women have difficulty getting pregnant. Not all women want that level of involvement from their parents when it comes to their bodies. Why don’t parents give their boys the gift of sterilisation to prevent unwanted pregnancies? Then the parents can pay for the reversal later?

I'm sure that crosses lots of women's minds but resources by and large go into the battle to buy a home.

@Allie47 yes , wouldn't have IVF if I didn't have trouble conceiving

It's a good question OP! Maybe they think it'll incentivise their DDs to delay parenthood?

Also a bit cynical perhaps but I think sometimes the "gifts" you mentioned are to benefit the parents, especially wedding costs when parents want to determine the guest list.

Getting involved in planning the breeding of the next generation sounds somewhat presumptive - and an awful lot like pre-Modern Era trading of female children/arranging marriages on the basis that they'll produce children in the future whether they like it or not.

If somebody's been bought a flat, they've got the best opportunity to have money to make their own reproductive choices, rather than have their Dad say 'best get started with invasive medical procedures before you've met somebody to impregnate you/wank into a pot, those eggs'll start deteriorating along with your womb before you know it'.

This!

Better things to tackle would be those factors that make it so hard for young couples to be financially stable and have a secure home earlier on, the factors that make women in professional jobs feel they need to progress to a certain level before having kids due to the fear of the impact it will have on their career etc etc.

And I say this as an older Mum who had kids between 35 and 41.

Because the implied message of ‘we really want grandchildren so we’ll use our financial status to make you feel strong-armed into having this procedure done’ could feel really invasive. I’d have felt uncomfortable with my parents being this presumptive, even though I wanted children. Fertility, reproductive systems and childbearing are private.

Because in 99% of cases, it's unnecessary, the process to harvest eggs is not pleasant and because the success rate from frozen eggs is not huge.

Better to raise one's children to be confident & healthy, and help them with childcare, so they don't have to wait too long to be able to afford dcs.

I really don't think I should be forcing dd to have painful medical procedures that will probably be unnecessary at a young age. I assume if she wants children she will make the decision when she wants and hopefully will be successful but a) I don't think giving her the false security of egg collection that may mean she delays is helpful and b) I don't want her to feel any pressure from me either way.