To wonder why more parents don't encourage daughters to freeze eggs?

[alesndra]

I know , I know - money! But there's so many more parents that help out their children by buying them housing or contributing large sums towards the wedding. Why isn't egg freezing a more common "gift"?

For example, I grew up quite comfortable and my parents wanted to help me build up a safety net. When I finished uni they bought me a flat in central London (for which I am immensely grateful) and paid a substantial amount towards my wedding (again, very very thankful for this). So they clearly have money and were willing to use it to help me out in life. Similarly now, I've mentioned we might do IVF and parents have said if they can help out financially they are very willing. So... why is it that so few girls are encouraged by their parents at age 18-25 to freeze eggs by their parents? Why, among all of my friends, even ones who went to private school and come from super rich backgrounds, have none of us been "gifted" an egg freezing round but many got flats etc? Not ungrateful but just wondering why culturally it's not as common when it could save so many tears, stress and even money down the line to be used on unsuccessful IVF rounds as egg quality declines?
I feel like this is 100% something I would "gift" my daughter, ahead of for example cars or flats. Or am I missing something?

Why aren't more parents encouraging their daughters to think very very strongly about whether they even want to bother having kids.

Success rates with frozen eggs are much lower than IVF with fresh eggs or frozen embryos, and even those chances of being a success or low. I would have thought it someone had no housing costs and a free car they could put their hand in their pocket for once and pay for their own egg or sperm freezing.

A fairly small percentage of people need IVF, not all of those are due to poor egg quality.

Anyone going through IVF is of going to go through the what ifs, but they can’t blame someone else if they chose not to have sperm or eggs frozen earlier in life. Theres also no guarantee their eggs or sperm were of good quality when younger.

Because most of us don't need it? I didn't need IVF to conceive my two DC, it would be pretty awful for me to have gone through that procedure and have my eggs frozen when I didn't need it. If I were going to be gifted money by my parents (I haven't ever been), it would have been much more useful for it to have gone towards a house deposit. Many of us don't get gifted a property or a substantial wedding contribution. Those things would be more useful to me then frozen eggs.

How weirdly intrusive and creepy, try to think of your daughters as more than fucking baby making machines.

Exactly. My thoughts too.

Surely it would be a waste of money for the vast majority of everyone did it.

I wouldn't encourage it because the procedure itself is very invasive with no guarantees that it would help.
I would absolutely pay for IVF if DD would ever want to explore that path in the future but I'd never encourage anyone to have IVF treatment. It is an all consuming gruelling experience from what I've witnessed as an outsider and can lead to deep disappointment.

Although I did read an article a few years ago where they described a new procedure that involved harvesting something in a similar fashion before the age of 30 (I don't remember exactly) which can be used to create a personalised anti ageing treatment in the future. I found that to be very interesting. Whatever that something was (cells of some sort), it would be harvested and then multiplied in a lab somehow and injected as needed in the future. You'd have yourself own stock of never ending supply of this matter. It had to be done at the optimal age where oestrogen was at its highest levels. I wish I kept that article, it was in the Style section in the Times during the pandemic sometime in March/April. I would encourage that. In fact I did mention it to my DD but she wasn't interested. Sadly too late for me to investigate for my own use.

If my 18yo said she wanted that then sure I'd help. But I wouldn't push it on them.

Better to tell them female fertility reduces from age 25 as the vast majority are unaware.

There's also the issue of what you do with the eggs.

What if you have one child naturally and are done, but have eight frozen eggs? What if there are three frozen eggs and they feel pressure to use them all?

A lot of people, if not most people, struggle with the idea of destroying them. So it's a lifestyle of paying for them, or a lot of pressure to have the exact number of children as frozen eggs...

as a childless by chance woman, can I throw in that there seems to be an underlying assumption that A) every woman wants children and B) that every woman who can't conceive naturally will go the IVF route because they will never be happy without children. I get that that is how it feels to the OP but it ain't so.

Fucking hell, what a monstrous thought.

Having babies older already has health implications for the woman and the potential baby. Doing so with frozen eggs is even more of a gamble, whilst the idea of "freezing your eggs while young" gives a false sense of invulnerablility and sidestepping a biological clock.

Encouraging perfectly healthy, fertile young women to undertake an unpleasant, invasive and expensive procedure on the off chance they might want it later is awful.

Yup. My SIL had her eggs frozen at 35yo (insane), all paid for by her employer (an investment bank). It was a benefit under the umbrella of health benefits. I had/have no words.

I mean what does happen to them if they are not used ?

I know this isnt AIBU but its such an unreasonable idea. I find it appalling tbh.
Babies arent a commodity.
I desperately wanted children and feel forever glad that I was able to have the two I did. Had I not been able to - Id have considered fostering, adopting or.......... not having kids. Not ideal but que sera sera.

Because it is not normal or risk free to have a baby this way.

Is there any long term data regarding the progress of children who are conceived via frozen eggs?

That's madness so she can work longer then decide to have a baby at 45-50.

😲

It’s nothing to do with me. If I was asked for an opinion I would give it but I would not start that conversation with anyone, I don’t even know how I would begin to broach something so personal.

As a mum of two daughters in their late twenties I don't encourage my daughters to do this because their family planning is none of my business.

Because the chances of a healthy pregnancy are pretty poor?

“the chance of a live birth is somewhere between 32% and 18%”

https://carefertility.com.au/resources/blog/8-common-questions-about-freezing-eggs-for-a-later-pregnancy#:~:text=The%20number%20of%20eggs%20that%20can%20be%20stored%20depends%20on,time%20she%20freezes%20her%20eggs.

They’re not great odds to pin your hopes on, go through an invasive procedure and spent a lot of money on.

Because it’s a complete unknown. A woman may not want children or may end up conceiving naturally, or IVF process might fail.

A flat or wedding or uni money is solidly and reliably spent.

I think most 18 to 25 year olds wouldn't want to do it, mine certainly wouldn't.

because world population rates of humans are ridiculously high @alesndra ?

Exactly this. It’s a huge ordeal to undergo physically and mentally in addition to the huge financial expense and there are no guarantees. The eggs probably won’t be needed and if they are, there isn’t a lot of evidence that egg freezing is successful . I don’t think we’re anywhere near a situation where egg freezing should be seen as a general practice for girls between 18-25, just in case!!