To wonder why more parents don't encourage daughters to freeze eggs?

[alesndra]

I know , I know - money! But there's so many more parents that help out their children by buying them housing or contributing large sums towards the wedding. Why isn't egg freezing a more common "gift"?

For example, I grew up quite comfortable and my parents wanted to help me build up a safety net. When I finished uni they bought me a flat in central London (for which I am immensely grateful) and paid a substantial amount towards my wedding (again, very very thankful for this). So they clearly have money and were willing to use it to help me out in life. Similarly now, I've mentioned we might do IVF and parents have said if they can help out financially they are very willing. So... why is it that so few girls are encouraged by their parents at age 18-25 to freeze eggs by their parents? Why, among all of my friends, even ones who went to private school and come from super rich backgrounds, have none of us been "gifted" an egg freezing round but many got flats etc? Not ungrateful but just wondering why culturally it's not as common when it could save so many tears, stress and even money down the line to be used on unsuccessful IVF rounds as egg quality declines?
I feel like this is 100% something I would "gift" my daughter, ahead of for example cars or flats. Or am I missing something?

So higher success rates than per IVF cycle!!

1 - Very expensive.

2- Perhaps the most important is it is actually doing a procedure which may have long term health implications. It has long been suspected that IVF and the hormones that stimulate the egg production are linked to female cancers. So as lovely as it sounds securing your daughter's fertility. Who would want to risk their daughters health if it may never be needed???

Also rightly or wrongly most women presume they’ll be able to conceive naturally or perhaps with IVF using their own eggs and for a lot of these women this will be the case. Most people I know having fertility treatment didn’t embark on it until they had problems. Why would you?

Please don't pressure your daughter to have children. She might not want to have them, and certainly might not want to undergo an invasive procedure on a 'just in case'.

Or lower...as the article suggests...

I'd rather tell my daughter that if she doesn't have to have kids, it will be ok if she doesn't. There migth be a few sad years but those sad years aren't forever. Even if a person wants kids and can't , I assume that the sadness mostly passes and after acceptance there is freedom. I think the best advice is to live life intending to fill it as though you won't have kids.

I find that chilling tbh. They are basically buying what they see as the most productive years of her working life.

Instead of encouraging a risky, expensive and unnatural procedure, we could encourage our children to have children at a biologically appropriate age (e.g by talking about the risks of leaving it to late, talking about life choices with them, encouraging them to find a decent, stable partnership, offering childcare/help with housing if possible) or campaigning for a society which makes it possible for people to have children at the most biologically appropriate age (e.g campaigning for a real living wage, better parental leave policies, stable and affordable housing, a decent welfare state etc, training and education and career opportunities to be offered at various stages of a persons life, flexible employment, access to affordable childcare).

Yes, getting her to delay having kids so she is available to work for them!

Personally I think a house is a fantastic choice for parents to invest in for their children’s future. It is a definitely going to be needed thing rather than a vague maybe thing.

Surely though the massive amount of help you were given means you had much more disposable income at that age that you could have actively saved and planned to do that yourself though?

either way I hope things work out for you, I can see this thread is coming from a situation where you are going through a hard time and thinking back about how if you had known your future you could have made different decisions.

That's fucking awful. The ONLY reason this company would do this, is to ensure the workforce aren't off having babies whilst employed there... Not having to give maternity leave/pay, and then no need to offer flexible working or parental leave etc
They're 100% not doing this to be kind or thoughtful or to be on the side of women...

How can you not see how fucked up that is?

Why, among all of my friends, even ones who went to private school and come from super rich backgrounds, have none of us been "gifted" an egg freezing round but many got flats etc? Not ungrateful but just wondering why culturally it's not as common when it could save so many tears, stress and even money down the line to be used on unsuccessful IVF rounds as egg quality declines?

Because if I had provided my daughter with a private education, a flat, and also paid a substantial amount towards her wedding, then I would expect her to be able to put some money aside for freezing her eggs, if that is what she wanted to do. If she couldn't manage to earn and save the money herself after having such a privileged start to life, then I would be pretty hurt and disappointed that she then wanted to blame me.

I feel like this is 100% something I would "gift" my daughter, ahead of for example cars or flats. Or am I missing something?

But that's probably because atm you are going through fertility treatment which is making you anxious and super aware of potential fertility problems for your daughter. You're looking at it with emotions, not what makes a logical financial investment, such as a flat.

For me it’s because it’s leaving something as precious as genetic material that has the potential to be my grandchild/their child ( irrespective of how and who fertilises it) in the long term care of other people. Admittedly I’m sure there are strong protocols in place but the risk of mix up is disturbing enough that i’d only suggest that route if I knew they were having trouble - and were keen. I guess I’m just jealous ( in the possessive sense) and hyper vigilant about leaving my descendants lying round the place in the care of others …

Absolutely this. I think infertility can become all consuming for those who suffer from it hence this kind of thinking

Yes… and this.

OP who is paying for the egg storage fees for all the years after the "gift" is given?

It's a difficult, painful, invasive medical procedure that is not without risks in itself, and the chances of subsequent successful conception using the frozen eggs are low. It's not something people should undergo unless necessary.

I froze my eggs for medical reasons, went on to have six attempts using IVF, none were successful. With hindsight, I wish I had not done any of it.

It's also enormously expensive. I'm in my 40s now and still paying for the experiences I went through in my 30s. The cost is beyond the reach of most people - read your own post back and check how many times you told us you are from a wealthy family!

why is it that so few girls are encouraged by their parents at age 18-25 to freeze eggs by their parents?

Because it doesn't have high enough odds to be worth the cost, and the procedures involved, unless you're in the position that you need it?

Work offered to pay for it for me at 22. I was told the often-quoted figure is around 30% but in reality, it's about 20% successful, and I'd have had fees to pay for years. In reality, I met DH at 26, and had DS easily at 31. We're TTC again and it's admittedly been less smooth sailing this time, but if it's a girl, I still don't think I'd put her through that medical intervention and cost given there's nothing to suggest she wouldn't be able to conceive naturally.

I also know of two people, of the seven of us, who had side effects from the procedure. One now believes she's infertile, one seems to have recovered okay but it took her a few years. Both were in hospital for around three weeks, with very swollen abdomens and lots of pain.

Expensive, invasive and not as foolproof as egg freezing companies would have you think. Companies convince women it’s a silver bullet and it’s not.

I agree that is appalling. They could offer a childcare bonus or something, so eg, have a child, but stay with this company, we support you to be a mother.
Keep their employees that way.

I had a baby with a wrong 'un and I knew I wasn't in a very good situation financially (although not the worst) and I knew the relationship wasn't as supportive or equal as I'd have liked from a life partner but you can tell yourself that you have the potential to sort out finances and relationships later.

I was shamed in some quarters. Women can't win.

Because for most it will be a waste of money. Everybody needs somewhere to live, a relatively small number of people need to freeze their eggs.

Something about it also feels a “Handmaids Tale”.

This 👍

As a parent, the only time I would ever suggest something like this to my young adult dc would be for fertility preservation due to cancer treatment etc. Fertility issues in healthy young adults (20’s and 30’s) are not particularly common. People are leaving it too late these days eg trying to conceive in their 40’s. So surely a much less invasive and convenient way to address this is to encourage dcs who DO want children to be aware of their biological clocks.

Because it’s none of the parents’ concern, it’s invasive, expensive and unreliable. What a creepy OP.

Indeed. My mouth is still agape at the "gifting" of a property in Central London. My parents weren't even wealthy enough to get a mortgage for themselves.