£10.5k spent since January on my credit card

[Heyheyheyyou]

I’ve spent £10.k on my credit card since January 2025 on food, clothes, petrol, eating out and other general stuff for me and the kids. This excludes bills & mortgage, which are paid from a separate account.

DH has become angry as he views this has excessive and points to things, such as take aways and coffee etc, which he considers a waste.
He’s basically made it clear, he wants to take over running the family finances or have completely separate bank accounts.

DH wants to save enough to help DC buy a house at some point in the future ladder. He was putting away £100 per month for a few years but has had to stop due to the cost of living.

Dors my spend seem excessive, I don’t think so. We have 2 primary school aged children.

I agree that the CC is a red herring - I put every single exenditure I can (including a 75p purchase in Sainsbury's) on my Amex Platinum as I get cash back at the end of the year (and its not insignificant).

The problem is that you are not saving - so I suggest that you start the month by transferring to savings accounts so that the money has gone. Then have a budget for everything else. Start by going through the last 3 months CC statements - itemise everything you've spent into food/children's essentials/children's extras/petrol/your essentials/your extras. Get your DH to do the same with whatever he has been sending for the last 3 months and use to compare and build a budget. You do need to consider lifestyle issues too - eg if he works in an office with a lovely coffee machine and you are eg a carer traveling between jobs then your petrol and coffee costs will be higher so look at ways to cut back - eg a flask/a 99p filter coffee from Pret rather than a £3.50 cappuccino etc.

Also how much of your "extras" are top up shops? Were they necessary eg more milk, or an extra eg I fancy a sourdough/snacks etc that weren't on the weekly budget.

The outstanding balance is paid each month, so we aren’t racking up debt but we aren’t saving.

OP says it's paid off.

OP it's not possible for anyone to answer this.

Only you and your H know what your joint income is and where it goes.

It's 'safer' to use a credit card for purchases as you get protection if anything goes wrong, rather than a debit card.

We never use a debit card.

We do and always have paid off the balance on the CC every month.

Ours is in the region of anywhere from £1200- £2K a month for 2 adults, no kids at home, and it includes all our outgoings - food, fuel, clothes, insurances, etc.
That leaves us with wriggle room for saving as well.

I have a free holiday a year thanks to avios points on my BA credit card so there are advantages to it and it’s irrelevant to the OPs post which method she uses, she’s still going to spend the same amount!

@Heyheyheyyou this is what we do and we pay it off every month. We have an app that imports everything into a spreadsheet and categorises is so that we can see what we are spending on.

it does help us rein in when the spend on crap gets excessive.

the other thing that always creeps on us that we forget about is annual insurances. My DH hit the roof at my CC this month too on initially seeing it until I pointed out I’d paid the deposit on next years holiday and both the house and car insurance on it. So do just check you are counting all household items that you put on there other than food.

it is just no good, dear one. as simple as that. you got it all wrong and need some basic financial education and yes, please, give all control back to your husband

If it's £10.5k of debt, yeah, that's really serious. If you pay off in full every month, it's not a problem at all.

I do all my day to day spending on 2 cashback credit cards, and it's about a grand a month, but I get between 0.5% and 2% cashback on all of those purchases, and they're both paid off in full monthly without ever accruing a penny of interest (unless I need to make an emergency big purchase, but that's only ever happened once or twice). In the meantime I can leave my earnings in a 7% savings account.

If you're doing something like that, credit cards are your friend, but if you've now got a huge £10.5k bill, you're in trouble. I suspect the truth is somewhere in between.

Eating out and buying coffee on a credit card is insane, and if you cant afford to pay most of the credit at the end of the month you need to seriously rethink your spending.

You dont seem to understand how credit debt works, and see nothing wrong in this situation. So, if it wasn't for your husband, what would you do? Continue spending until you rake up massive debt, and then what? I'm sorry but I think he is right, you cant be trusted with money.

@Heyheyheyyou - I’ve got a friend who buys everything she can on Amex for the rewards. If you’re sufficiently financially clued in, it can be a good way of spending. But you don’t really sound like you are because your reason for using a credit card is simply that you’ve heard it’s better but you don’t seem to know why that’s the case. In fact, the very fact you said you’d spent £10.5k on credit cards without mentioning you pay it off every month suggests you’re not massively clued in because that’s such a relevant point.

I use my debit card for pretty much everything because I feel more in control of spending that way. It does sound like you’re spending a bit carelessly. If money is tighter than it used to be, you should now have a budget and you should be able to save £100 per month. Your DH doesn’t need to take full control of the finances but you do need to be a bit more conscious of your spending. No doubt it can be trimmed.

I put all my spending through my credit card and pay it off every month. I find it easier to budget that way.
I aim to keep it to an average £700 per month (just me) but it varies as I put holidays on it too so some months it can be quite a lot higher, so I have to have lower months too. This month it is under £450.

I rarely buy sandwiches out and never coffee when not on holiday. I resent paying so much for something that is easily prepared and eaten/drunk at home.

I rarely eat out but do have a big supermarket wine bill.

Nothing is unreasonable as long as you have the income to cover it.

From what you have said, you do clear it every month and it includes and petrol and general kids costs. But if you are not saving then the issue is the take aways and coffees. Fritter money I would call that, and fritter money shouldn't exceed the monthly amount your save.

I would recommend working out what your monthly set bills and likely other costs (food shop, kids costs) and see what you have left over. Get most of this left over into your savings and set your self a fritter budget.

Well, yes, but those are numbers I've made up. Maybe the petrol is double, lots of top up shops mean the food is more, maybe the kids activities are more. Maybe there is something else not listed, like expensive dental treatment or similar.

Point is, the total is meaningless without knowing what it was spent on. And when OP looks at how it was spent, the place to make savings should be obvious.

Or share responsibility for spending and saving sensibly with full transparency.

Since you said you pay it off each month, your savings will be instant...
If you allow yourself cash for 1 coffee a week, £20 A month will cover it.
Get out cash for treat stuff on a budget. So once gone it is gone, on a card you don't see your spending.
Shopping if you allow £500 A month.
Then look at it what else your spending it all on.
I am sure your husband is very stressed if he can't even save yet your spending.

I’ve always been told it’s better to spend the money on a credit card, rather than a debit card.

Have you ever stopped to think about why though? Might be irrelevant to you.
E.g. For younger people or prebuoys financial issues, it might help to build a credit history. Doesn’t sound like you need that - or even if it’s in your name anyway.
Can be good for building points - but only if you’re in a points scheme.
Purchase protection might be useful - but irrelevant if your spending is on groceries, coffees, soft play.

You shouldn’t do things because, “you’ve always been told” but because you understand why and you make that choice.

The food shopping does reduce it of course, but I think even the reminder in 6 months is a lot. It’s all relative though 🤷🏻‍♀️

The thought of spending that much money without saving gives me anxiety.

The thought of spending that much money without saving and having my "partner" complain about me to the internet and pick a fight when I try to provide for our kids' future fucking terrifies me.

This will come at the end of her self education

The amounts and the use of credit card are neither here nor there.

Basically your DH wants your finances to be a bit different (start saving) and this isn't currently happening. So you need to discuss this and work out what you're both happy with.

We put pretty much everything on credit cards and spend between £6-10k per month... But that suits us and we've agreed it. If things were to change we'd discuss it and tackle it together as a team.

Spending it all on credit card is fine since you are paying it off at the end of the month. A credit card provides protection against fraud and also lists out your expenses nicely to help with what you need to do next which is to separate essential from discretionary expenditure.

You said 120 for a weekly shop. Include petrol into that figure. I would consider these to be joint essential expenditure, so your dh should not consider it your spends, but spends for the family.

Then break it down into discretionary. Children's clothes and shoes, including school uniform, can come up to a lot if you buy them new, but because there are many cheaper second hand options, I would consider it discretionary other than for a base amount.

What you have ringfenced the non-discretionary essentials, look at all the discretionary items like coffees, takeaways, eating out, activities, presents to give yourself a reasonable budget.

I would say that if you are only saving 100 for each kid, with no other savings, then your spending can be cut down to save more, say another 100 each if possible.

That would help to calm your dh down. He could very well be overreacting but differences in approach to money and savings is a flash point for a lot of couples. I have to say I am in the dh camp of slow and steady savings, even if times are tight. Both my dcs, who are 20 and 17, have substantial savings and investments for uni and a house deposit. A little over the years does add up due to compounding and capital growth (we have always invested in stocks and shares). So it is good to sock away what you can now without too much of a disruption to your lifestyle.

If money has become an issue then your DH has a point.

You need to discuss a budget and work together to stick to it.

Is he doing all the worrying while you continue spending?

Maybe you can no longer afford coffees, if you want to save.

We have an emergency fund and savings. We aren’t overdrawn each month but cannot save as much as we’d like.

i don’t know where the money goes: its £5 here, £10 here, £40 for the odd takeaway and it’s adds up to a £500 a month, that I can’t explain.

I agree

I spend £1500 roughly a month and
pay off each month. I am single with a 25 yr old son at home still. That’s not excessive to me.

I don't think £10.5k spending on food, petrol and everything else (assuming as you choose not to use your debiy card that it is including holidays, car repairs, birthdays, meals out etc?) over the course of 7 months is particularly excessive at all. It's £1.5k per month for a family of 4.

Is your husband fully aware of how much a weekly shop of groceries (is it REALLY £120 with no top up shops, loo rolls from B&M, school dinners supplementing it?) , trip to the cinema, present for a party, pair of school shoes etc costs or does he leave you to do all the legwork of running the home and sorting the kids and then complain about it?

Wow - that's some serious spending! We both put every single purchase on JL credit cards (and pay off every month) and don't get anywhere near that level of reward any more. They have cut the returns significantly in the past year - our last vouchers were £15, which is still better than nothing, but not a patch on what it used to be.

i don’t know where the money goes: its £5 here, £10 here, £40 for the odd takeaway and it’s adds up to a £500 a month, that I can’t explain.

You need to look at your credit card statements and add up how much you spend on different items.

This isn't rocket science op.

That's what statements are for! I don't think the credit card is the issue, you clearly spend a lot and need to rein it in, whether it's cash, debit card, credit card, whatever.