£10.5k spent since January on my credit card

[Heyheyheyyou]

I’ve spent £10.k on my credit card since January 2025 on food, clothes, petrol, eating out and other general stuff for me and the kids. This excludes bills & mortgage, which are paid from a separate account.

DH has become angry as he views this has excessive and points to things, such as take aways and coffee etc, which he considers a waste.
He’s basically made it clear, he wants to take over running the family finances or have completely separate bank accounts.

DH wants to save enough to help DC buy a house at some point in the future ladder. He was putting away £100 per month for a few years but has had to stop due to the cost of living.

Dors my spend seem excessive, I don’t think so. We have 2 primary school aged children.

This is your issue. Set up a spreadsheet and put it all in (your CC account may be able to do this for you). Then categorise it all so you can see where it’s gone. Sounds like making savings will be relatively easy once you start thinking a bit more consciously about what you are spending.

This is an issue. I’m not surprised your husband wants a solution.
Do you work OP?

That's what makes them examples of grey areas.

I could shove a tub of Nivea into my supermarket shop, or I could spend an extra tenner in Boots. I could buy basic own brand bin bags or get the Brabantia ones which fit neatly. I wouldn't categorise either of those as "how dare you spend so frivolously when we could be saving!" but there's no doubt that they could be cut back if really necessary. And if I did go the supermarket route it wouldn't be a pure saving of course because you'd still have to pay for the own-brand version.

get Monzo or Starling, honestly. It's very good for tracking tiny sums that add up.

"I don't know where it goes"..
Get a paper and pen and work out where it goes OP.
You are frittering away the same amount each month that you spend on food.
Stop using the credit card for small unnecessary spends. Get a set amount of cash out each month and only use that for coffees etc and when it's gone, it's gone.
You are an adult. You need to budget, that's life.

It doesn't seem excessive to me. I have a DS and DP we spend the same each month after food on days out, takeout etc. I do know we need to cut the takeaways down but when I'm tierd I struggle.

The other thing that adds up is nipping the shop outside of the weekly shop. We need to try to stop that.

If you cannot explain, then your spending is uncontrolled to the extent that you don't have a budget. 40 on takeaway is a lot and perhaps you cannot afford it other than a special treat. You won't know unless you can see where your 10 here and 20 there is going. Check your credit card bills and group them up so you have a rough idea how much you can spend each time. Perhaps you want to pack lunch rather than buy it so that you can spend more on takeaways?

It is boring stuff but when money is tight (as it is now), that is how people know how to reign it in.

Do you have your own income and do you have the full picture of the family income? I think daily takeaway coffees are an extravagant expense. If you want to save you need to budget.

The problem is this is so dependent on context. I put circa £4k on mine each month, but then I put all my spending on it and pay off in full each month.

For PP who said if doing monthly spending just use debit, you get better protection spending on a credit card in many cases, plus I prefer keeping money on my account as long as possible and as long as I pay off in full by the due date it doesn’t cost me anything, so the CC is a no brainer.

@Heyheyheyyou, the problem is discipline/budgetting. If you don’t know where the money is going that is the issue. Maybe you need to avoid using the card until you have got a grip, so spreadsheet into categories all spending each month this year and look at what is essential etc and set up a budget. If you need a system then some providers allow for pots (online version of cash envelopes) which might work. Maybe take a look at money saving expert for budgeting tips.

Tbh the fact you cannot explain where your money goes and seem quite resigned to that is already a red flag. I believe your dh is picking up on the fact that you are no good with money. But you can get better. Most people have to budget especially when dc are little unless you and dh are high earners.

It depends whether you have enough income to afford it, like anything else really.

Doesn't seem an excessive amount to me on the face of it for more than half a year

I think you and your husband need to sit down and go through the statements for this year and put all spending into categories, plus consider any known large expenses for the rest of the year. If the £1,400ish per month covers car insurance/ repairs/ MOT, breakfast club, two children’s swimming lessons, haircuts, school uniforms and all birthday/ Christmas and holiday expenses that’s completely different from if it’s just food shop, petrol for local trips and takeaways/ coffee. As part of this you could then look at savings plans/ goals, where to make savings and who does what in the household; things like if you’re buying takeaways because you don’t have time to cook and your husband doesn’t pull his weight with the housework (not saying that’s the case but that kind of thing) then a re-balancing of roles might be the solution rather than beating yourself up for excessive spending.

I put everything on my cc card too (for the points I pay in full every month) and while it sounds a lot my bill is about £1200 a month so about £8.4k over seven months. Food and fuel are over half. Car expenses, annual insurance, mot, service and repairs nearly 1k. Birthdays, days out, clothes, kids activities. I think I’m pretty frugal generally but kids do a decent amount of activities and are ever growing so feels like I’m always buying shoes!

Don’t be ridiculous. You must have a credit card statement either physical or online.

You can find out where it’s gone.

If I was married and my spouse spent 1k a month when we couldn’t save as planned and then said ‘don’t know, can’t explain what I spend it on’ I would be pissed off too.

Op how much does he earn? How much do you earn? How much spending does he have per month?

Do you reckon this this is what's bothering your DH @Heyheyheyyou ? That you "can't" say where it goes and it all just adds up? You need to be able to explain, even if that explanation is "yes it's over the monthly budget we forecast but we just fancied a treat"

I always use my credit card. Pay it off every month. It gets me loads of benefits - points which can be converted into amazon or M&S vouchers for one.

Your issue is the difference between your attitude to finances and your DH's.

You don't know where you spend your money, and since you are in a financial sharing situation with DH, it is fair.enough that he wants to know.

I would start tracking that spending sharpish, so I knew exactly where it had gone, and stop frittering £100 a month so it could be saved, before he does any taking over the finances, because that will be a complete pita.

I'm thinking your grocery shop is probably more than £120 a week and you are underestimating it, Mine is about that and that is for 2 adults, are you adding in everything that may be classed as grocery like stuff from Amazon and places like that.

We have an emergency fund and savings. We aren’t overdrawn each month but cannot save as much as we’d like.

i don’t know where the money goes: its £5 here, £10 here, £40 for the odd takeaway and it’s adds up to a £500 a month, that I can’t explain.

This is quite worrying.

The priority is not your kids' future housing (they are still very young) but to save and then decide how to spend that in 20 years' time.

You need a budget.

ESSENTIALS
Food
Fuel
Birthday gifts for family etc.)

LESS ESSENTIAL
Clothes- for the kids as they grow out of them, for you if you really 'need' new clothes.

HOLIDAYS
Days out

You could look at it the other way and say that you want to save £500 a month.
So you have that moved from the bank account automatically, each month, into a savings account.

Then you live on what's left.

That might include (eg) £20 a week for non essentials that are just 'impulse buys' where there is no real value in what you're buying.

I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if I had that much on a credit card so yes it’s excessive.

Are you serious?

so you’re going to run up 10-15k worth of debt a year? How do you plan to pay it back?

I have a Monzo accout I use for personal fun stuff like meals out, drinks, coffee etc.. I put in a fixed, budgeted amount each month so it is noticeable if I go over. Monzo also do useful spend reports and comparisons month on month so you can identify of a particular month has been a bit spendy.

She pays it off every month

It completely depends on your disposable income and probably more so your salaries.

We spend £3000-4000 a month on credit card (cleared in full every month). This is all of our spending apart from household bills.

We can afford it. We could spend less. We don’t want to spend less.

I suppose in your situation what’s more important is the different approaches to spending from you and your husband. If you have joint finances, you need to be aligned in your views towards spending or separate post-bills money so that each of you can choose what happens with it.

If by default you’re unilaterally deciding that there’s no money to save and H wants to save, that’s more relevant than whether X amount is too much or too little. If that only leaves you £100 per month to save and he wants more to save, and your spending could be cut down, then you need to figure out a way forward that works for you both.

Living expenses have gone up massively in the past two years, so if you and your partner haven’t had a pay increase then you will be poorer in real terms. The money that you earnt two years ago now buys you less today. It’s shit but you can review your outgoings and try to find savings.

Try working with your partner to see where the money is going, and what savings you can make. If you don’t spend cash then you should have a good record of all your transactions since the start of the year. Tracking this in a spreadsheet will help you see trends over time - what bills are creeping up each month? Could you change provider for a reduction? ,are there any direct debits or standing orders for services you no longer use which you could cancel (subscription renewals or online media)? Are there hobbies that you or your partner could do more cheaply? Are there treats that you could cut down on to save money (eg do own nails) etc xx