To never move out from my parents’ house as I don’t want to live alone?

[AtHomeForever]

I’m 30, and have saved enough to be able to buy a property. I’m single though, and so would be living completely alone. I work remotely too, so I have visions of going multiple days without speaking to anyone. I also don’t really have any friends where I live and I’m single, so it’s not like I’d have a partner coming to spend a few nights, or knowing I have friends coming round at the weekend. I’ve started to view properties and suddenly the excitement of having my own space and be on the property ladder has disappeared and been replaced with complete dread and fear of a life lived alone.

I’m currently living with my parents, but we are a bit on an untypical family as I have a sister who is disabled and will likely never move out, so there is no expectation of everyone fleeing the nest. I contribute to bills, but I have a good quality of life at home. I get on well with my parents, I go and sit with them during my lunch break when working from home, etc. I also have a lot more disposable income being at home, if I moved out things would be quite tight which I would just get on with of course.

I feel really conflicted. I feel like I should move out, and I think turning 30 has made me panic and rush to get my own place. However, viewing the properties has made me see the reality of what my life would actually look like and it doesn’t look like a good life…

Please be kind in the replies as I’m feeling quite vulnerable posting this, but would appreciate any advice.

Obsession with owning is stupid.its hard to live alone and can be very hard.Get your social life going and no decent friends or partner will judge you

A pp mentioned having a dog and I definitely second that suggestion. A great companion when working from home. And animals attract people in to your life.

That doesn’t sound like a great option housing wise if you have a choice ,which you do. You could carry on saving while living with family and perhaps if you WANT to, get a property in a better location in the future . Maybe try and fight back a little on the introvertion but within your comfort zone? Join a gym? A choir ? Or other type of club? Learn to drive? Find a job closer to home to you can work from the office ? If you love animals and are ready for responsibility and family are happy with the idea , dogs are great company and you meet loads of people walking them. But there is no shame in just being your introverted self, if you ´re happy as you are it’s all ok.

There’s nothing wrong with you staying with your parents but if I was in your position I would look to buy a 2 bedroom place then advertise for a lodger. You could stay at your parents 2-3 nights a week (or more if you wanted), and if you get the right lodger you would benefit from their company (and possible new friendship too). Plus a large proportion of your bills would be covered by the lodger so you wouldn’t feel the financial strain so much.

What about a part time job in a bar OP? To help you bet a social life and also a bit more money!

@Deipara

there are lots of issues if you actually read OP’s posts

I agree with those saying it's a cultural expectation that differs around the world. Kicking your kids out of the house at 18 doesn't work for everyone and certainly not in areas where the cost of living is so high compared to 50 years ago when it seemed very common to expect your kids to move out.

The thought about renting, say for 12 months, with the acceptance you can return to the family home if you wish, might be a way of finding out if you can in reality live alone.

There is too much of a pre occupation in western society of living independently. Throughout the rest of the world it is normal for extended family to live together. If this set up works for you -that is ALL that matters. I suspect we will see multi-generational living becoming the norm anyway due to necessity/cost of living. My advice to you would be- look into buying a property anyway as an investment- you can let it out to generate income- with the knowledge that should you ever want to move out in future - it is there for you.

I'm on the fence, I can see how it benefits you to be at home (although it is definitely holding you back) but as a mother of two teenagers I would be incredibly sad that my children wanted to stay at home at 30.
You already sound like you have missed out on so much (have you ever been abroad on holiday without your parents? What about nights out when you don't come home until 4am?).
Your parents maybe doing a great job of hiding the fact they wished you'd built a life for yourself or they may genuinely be happy to have you around, especially if you are helping with your sister - do you feel like you are being lined up to be her carer once your parents have gone?
Either way, I think the best thing you can do is move out ASAP and build a life for yourself.

If you're happy where you are (and your parents are also happy with the arrangement) I would stay there and save hard so that when you do buy a property you'll have a bigger deposit and can get a better mortgage deal. The more money you can put down initially the better it is in the long term as you'll be able to pay the mortgage back quicker.

I lived with my parents into my late twenties, even though I had enough for a house, because I had no partner and got along well with my parents. Shelling out a load of money to sit in a house by myself seemed pointless. If I'd rented, I'd have just been pissing money up the wall, and if I'd bought, money would have been tight. So I just kept saving until I met my partner.

I concede that I was probably a bit deeper into my comfort zone than some of my peers. But I didn't hesitate to move on when I met my partner and the time was right. We were also attractive buyers because we weren't in a chain and I had saved enough to put down a good deposit.

In short, I don't see any problem with staying in your parents' home. However, make sure you're still taking other steps towards an independent life so you aren't standing still.

When I moved out to live alone in my late 20's I visited parents a couple of times a week for dinner and stayed over quite regularly as well. Gradually and naturally this became less as my life settled into its natural new rhythm. You mind find this works for you but don't push yourself before you feel ready 😊

No don't rent for the sake of it. Would you consider a buy to let? I agree with building up your social life.

My youngest daughter (now 25) lived on her own for a year. Despite having plenty friends around she did find it lonely. We relocated and she decided to move up as well. It was/is supposed to be short term but she actually doesn’t like living alone. We are happy for her to stay with us as long as she wants. If you can afford it buying a property to rent out as previously suggested sounds like a sensible idea.

Are you sure your parents want you to stay with them? I wouldn't be happy with my kids staying with me at this age, though I am also mindful of the housing crisis.I would probably hide my true feelings. Nevertheless, I want my own space.

How wonderful that you have a great family and wonderful relationships with them.
In your situation I would continue to save hard and look to progress your career helping you to eventually buy in a better location.
What are the future plans for your sister?
Could you end up as her carer or have your parents put plans in place?

Do you happily see your future as her carer?
A partner and or children?
What are your dreams and what are you realistically doing to achieve them?

If everyone's happy with that arrangement who cares what anyone else thinks.

How about a dry run? Find somewhere nearby to rent for six months to see how it feels but talk to your parents so they understand how you feel and whether they would be happy with you possibly moving back.

m it won’t feel so scary and once you’re out there and enjoy your own space I bet you’ll feel better placed to take the jump. Good luck!

try a central flat - give yourself 6 months to see

or continue to save money to make changes

Best thing would be to build up a social life outside family, so when you do move out you will have people to socialise with or would be confident to go somewhere on your own, so you don't end up sitting in your house/flat all by yourself all the time

You don't have to move out.
Disabled sister. Are you going to take over as a carer once your parents cannot do it?

May be they should make all these arrangements now and make you co-owner of the house because you don't see it but a lot is coming your way my dear, unless you move and even force yourself to start having a solo life and a partner.

it is up to you really. You are not breaking moral laws or any other law btw for living the way you live.

If being at home is enjoyable and works for you all, then stay put. I would consider what you do with your savings though to ensure you get a return. Possibly buy a buy-to-let so you are on the property ladder or put them in a high interest fixed term account for a year and then you can review living at home when the bond matures.

Having dread about living alone at 30, when you have enough money saved, isn't normal.

15-20 min walk to a bus stop is more than feasible and is still below what you should be aiming to do exercise-wise. I wouldn't let it put you off.
Renting a room in a shared house with people your age will be a good start, I think. You don't have to rent by yourself.