To think you're not really that adventurous if you have your husband with you

[GigglingSid]

I'm part of a group for families who enjoy travel, nature, camping, outdoor pursuits, both in the UK and abroad. It's not a very single parent friendly group, some of the advice given, particularly around my budget for certain holidays has been very rude. There's been a lot of women commenting 'well my husband will always drive/ put up the tent/ plan routes/ bugger off cycling all day and leave me with the kids.
I've been away this week and have been chatting to various people on the group about hiking routes, camping spots etc. It suddenly struck me that many of these families have credit cards with limitless amounts on them, expensive cars, tents and camping equipment worth thousands and they are also nearly all heteronormative couples. What a different experience trekking though the Sahara as or with a large white man with you compared to my experience as a short, mid thirties woman?
I feel like I've been conned a little bit into thinking I wasn't able to be part of this elite club as I wasn't savvy enough at reading a OS map or that great at kayaking.
But maybe actually being a woman on her own, with two kids, £200 and an Aldi tent makes me the most adventurous of them all?

Viewing a woman as bitter because she’s unmarried and/or childless is itself a stereotype tbf

Where does it end? If you’re a short, mid thirties, white (I’ve made that assumption, may be wrong) female, do I get more ‘points’ for being adventurous if I’m short, mid forties and Asian? What about if I’m short, ND, mid fifties and Asian in a wheelchair?

it’a not a competition. Do it if you enjoy it, don’t if you don’t. Don’t put others down, it’s sad.

When you're adventuring remotely you have no access to any money and nowhere to spend it anyway. So it really doesn't matter.

Now, if you're staying at a camp ground with a cafe or coffee cart a short walk away, then maybe, but that wouldn't be an adventure as such as there's little challenge. For me, that would be a mini-adventure or experience. It can still be a fun experience and you can go off and have mini-adventures, but then come back to your coffee at the end of it. (BTW, I do love my coffee at the end of it.)

If you are hiking on your own or with DCs you need to be able to read an OS map - getting lost in the Fells, Lake District, the Peaks, or Dartmoor is extremely dangerous. Trust you take a charged phone and tell someone where you are going and when you are expecting to get back? Those are the basic rules of hiking.
What's adventurous about having an Aldi tent btw?

I'm not sure why you're complaining to this group being heteronormative. If it's a family group, surely it has to be to a large degree?

Everyone needs to be able to sort themselves out in any situation without relying on their phone. I don't know about those areas but reception is often not reliable.

I don’t think that poster said people were bitter because they are unmarried or childless though.

They said they were bitter because they are posting the things the poster, they quoted, had seen on social media

No personal skill to be part of the sailing crew doing a north west passage? Are you for real??
have you tried sailing or just like saying bullshit? I can tell you that even sailing round the isle of wight needs skill and stamina, going offshore sailing needs skill AND spirit. Even as a part of a team, yes. Try eating dry food for days when cold and wet and during the storm. And everyone has to be working on the passage like that, no matter rain or storm. ROUND THE CLOCK (there is a watch system) when the boat is not at port at night

Well, you are the only one who has mentioned safety precautions, so far. Everyone else seems to think trekking off on your own or with DCs is fine, without thinking about the back-up you need.
DS takes DCs camping. Usually in a group. People - not necessarily me - know where he is and when he is coming back (i.e. his ex-DW). Basic safety precaution.

I suspect most people are talking about lighter and less remote adventures than I sometimes do. I feel a responsibility towards my DD who is with me. I'm ultralight equipped for a night in the wilderness if that kind of emergency arises unexpectedly.

If you're at a commercial or well used camp ground, you already have people around you in an emergency. My safety precautions assume I will be all alone and solely responsible.

What a different experience trekking though the Sahara as or with a large white man with you compared to my experience as a short, mid thirties woman?
Well, you will probably die faster if you are a woman on your own trekking through the Sahara. Not adventurous - with or without the man - just plain stupid.

I agree with you but I don’t think it’s a bad thing.

For those of us without “unlimited cash” and a hubby to do the hard work, we have to be more resourceful and do it all ourselves and sometimes bring the kids in and make it a whole family activity as the children are pretty much with us 24/7.

This is coming from someone who spent a decade as a single mum and my life was “the adventures of me and little me” as me and my daughter were constantly exploring the city, going to places etc.

I am now settled and I’ll be honest, life is still adventurous in its own way, but it’s nice to have my partner do some of the work (he usually really wants to even though I’m actually better at putting things up and DIY! But love him for trying), he usually pays for everything but I chip in, and I can see why I can appear “less fun” but it’s probably because there is a little more structure.

Not to say that single parents don’t have structure but my personality is pretty scatty. My partner is more organised and I guess we balance eachother out. Maybe being balanced out looks “boring”.

It must be annoying to feel left out - maybe try and find a group that allows you to be you.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Why are you so concerned about these other people with their husbands and credit cards?

It genuinely doesn't matter. Continue what you're doing and enjoy your life.

FWIW, the people I know, who on the outside appear the most fortunate, are often the most unhappy on the inside/behind closed doors.

Surely having a credit card with a huge balance just makes you in debt not rich? If you were rich you would just buy goods and services outright.

I feel like I've been conned a little bit into thinking I wasn't able to be part of this elite club as I wasn't savvy enough at reading a OS map or that great at kayaking.
But maybe actually being a woman on her own, with two kids, £200 and an Aldi tent makes me the most adventurous of them all?

I think I get what you're saying @GigglingSid, but I don't agree that it makes you more adventurous.

Life is easier to navigate with two adults (as long as your husband isn't a bellend). It's tough being a single parent, carrying the mental load for everyone, being the sole provider, and doing absolutely everything with no one to help or fall back on. With luck, it makes you tough and resilient - but it doesn't make you any better or worse than women with a partner.

Everyone has their challenges, including women with husbands and seemingly limitless credit cards, and comparing yourself to others is one of the biggest sources of misery.

From what you have said, it sounds as though some members of the group have made you feel as though you aren't good enough. You absolutely are good enough.

I would try to find a different group for future trips - there are groups specifically for single parents. I'm sure you'd have a lot more in common with them, and enjoy it much more.

@TorroFerney & @Hoardasurass god me too... can they not just be couples? No one bats an eye these days (& for a long time thank christ!) about other peoples relationship dynamics

I think it sounds as though this isn’t the group for you.

You want us to sneer at them and tell you how great and amazing you are but not being able to read a map and taking your kids camping just makes you send a bit daft. Learn to read a map lol you clearly have access to the internet try YouTube!!

Do those men in the ‘heteronormative’* couples ever offer to help you put your tent up?
Just wondering, because dd and SiL often camp in a group with a single female parent, and I know he always helps, or offers to.

And if so, do you/would you accept?

*sounds like one of those unnecessarily long American-jargon words, though admittedly at first I thought you might have made it up.

You sound bitter and a bit nasty. Just concentrate on your own life and self-esteem, leave others alone.

What’s an elite camping club?

Surely an ‘elite’ anything club, is going to have people who spend a lot on the focus of the group. If you join an elite running club, people are, generally, invest money in things like trainers, all weather clothing etc

and how did they con you into joining?

If anyone wants to get started with some adventuring there is an app called alltrails. It has maps you can print, and you can download them to your phone. This will help you stay on track and it lets you know if you go off track at all.

Start small to build experience and confidence. Our first walk was 30 minutes long. It felt like an adventure, new location and all. That same walk is now a 'who wants to pop out for a quick walk?' affair. We now do up to 12 miles in a day (depends on the terrain) but we built up and learned a lot along the way. There are some other posts with information about other safety options. And make sure you have enough water.

I agree it's easier if you have another adult to divide the hassle of travel with. Travelling with my husband was far more pleasant.
On your own you carry the whole responsibility as well as the luggage/passports/money/tickets etc. Navigating a toddler and young child plus luggage through a busy airport on your own is not easy - a friend said she once asked a woman to help her put her pushchair on her cart as she had her baby in a sling and couldn't quite manage and the women said 'you people and your fucking kids' and walked off. I've also struggled with two small kids and luggage getting on a train - no one to help and no one offered (and if I spoke French I would have had a few choice words to say to the train employee watching me).
And I've also experienced getting the kids to bed and then.... well just me then. No one to share the experience with. Being on my own has certainly prevented me from travelling more.
But more adventurous? Not sure I'd call it that, though I would never have spent a month in Australia moving around nine times with two kids under four without my husband- absolutely no way.
But you also mention money - that's a different thing altogether.

Why is this a competition?

You just sound angry that they’ve been rude to you (and if they have then that’s on them as individuals, not by virtue of being married or wealthy). And now you’re trying to big up yourself to feel better.

Big up yourself all you like – bravery and resilience and ability to go it alone. But don’t criticise women who prefer to travel with their partners to do it.

A woman should never ever put herself in danger to meet some arbitrary view of ‘adventurous’.

This whole post smacks of resentment – if you’d really prefer to see another woman in increased danger to meet your standards in ‘adventure’ then you’re not a nice person.