To think you're not really that adventurous if you have your husband with you

[GigglingSid]

I'm part of a group for families who enjoy travel, nature, camping, outdoor pursuits, both in the UK and abroad. It's not a very single parent friendly group, some of the advice given, particularly around my budget for certain holidays has been very rude. There's been a lot of women commenting 'well my husband will always drive/ put up the tent/ plan routes/ bugger off cycling all day and leave me with the kids.
I've been away this week and have been chatting to various people on the group about hiking routes, camping spots etc. It suddenly struck me that many of these families have credit cards with limitless amounts on them, expensive cars, tents and camping equipment worth thousands and they are also nearly all heteronormative couples. What a different experience trekking though the Sahara as or with a large white man with you compared to my experience as a short, mid thirties woman?
I feel like I've been conned a little bit into thinking I wasn't able to be part of this elite club as I wasn't savvy enough at reading a OS map or that great at kayaking.
But maybe actually being a woman on her own, with two kids, £200 and an Aldi tent makes me the most adventurous of them all?

Generally these trips will be easier with 2 adults so you can share the jobs, whether that is putting up the tent together or one of you doing the meal prep whilst the other figures out the route and packs the car. Going as a solo adult means you have all the responsibility, so it's potentially more stressful.

Tbh I think you need to find a new Facebook group, or just leave this one. If it is making you feel bad about yourself and your trips, it's not worth it. More adventurous to plan by yourself from scratch!

I've been seeing an increasing amount of this on social media - people looking down on women simply because they're married or have children, and using the words 'heteronormative' or 'cis'.
It's viewing women as stereotypes and then judging them for it. Really dislike it.
And yes, I've travelled and hiked and camped, on my own, with friends and with both male and female partners. I guess I'm somehow less adventurous with the latter.
Besides there are plenty of people who aren't adventurous, both men and women. Nothing wrong with that either. Everyone is different.

Who cares if it's saggy if it does the job? :-)

Rom com writing sounds great. I'm not much of a fiction writer but love reading. We all have our strengths and talents, I guess. I'd love to be a better writer myself.

I'd argue someone in the wilderness alone with their DH is more adventurous than someone in a group situation. However, everyone has to take the approach that is safest and best for them and their circumstances. None is better or worse, just different preferences.

Why is it a competition? If you're having a nice holiday that's all that matters.

Who said they're doing it to be adventurous? Maybe they're just doing it for fun?

Most of the solo hikers/campers I know use pop up tents no assembly or dismantling required.
Oh and they're designed to be folded back up by 1 person

You don’t sound adventurous. You sound jealous

Hang on? You're doing this as a group? Well then none of you are participating adventurous, including you OP! 😅

I think you need to go away with other single people rather than the smug married group

I don't do it as a group. I do it with my DD and sometimes my DH comes along. I hate the idea of doing it in a group. I like to be close to alone in nature.

Getting out to remote areas doesn't have to be expensive. You don't need all the gear but the things I would advise is to make sure you have good footwear and a good PLB. I'll spend on those. Safety is everything as conditions can change very quickly. You need proper clothing. This doesn't have to be expensive but tends to last well, so can be worth an investment. Carry a torch as things can take longer than you think. A group is much safer unless you know what you are doing, as these can be risky activities. Be safe out there. There are already too many rescues of people who don't have the experience for what they take on.

I'd do it as a group for the risk factor, I'm not adventurous. Sorry this message was meant to be directed at OP ad I realised she's doing this on a group

Did this get lost in translation?

are you a single parent comparing yourself to go on holiday alone whilst couples go together?

I agree OP. Camping as a female single parent is indeed brave and adventurous.

This

Once you can put a tent up solo, it’s fine putting a larger tent up, it’s just a tad more stretching arms out - the principal is the same.

I had a larger tent as although solo I wanted to be able to sit inside on a chair (as was away for a month) so purchased the same as my 2 man tent but larger. Practiced putting up at home, achieved it and went away.

next time want an air tent

It's a group for families, so you shouldn't be surprised that dads are there.

They might be nearly all heteronormative, but if they're straight people then they're not "unadventurous" if they're in heterosexual relationships. If you know who you're attracted and not attracted to, you're not adventurous going after a person you know you don't want just to seem exciting, you're an idiot.

"I feel like I've been conned a little bit into thinking I wasn't able to be part of this elite club as I wasn't savvy enough at reading a OS map or that great at kayaking."

I don't get this at all. Conned? Who conned you? Why is it supposed to be elite?

Lovingsummers

thamk you!! I think my family would appreciate your tent putting up abilities better 😅😅😅 Reading a lot is the best way to becoming a good writer (and writing of course!) Hope you’ve a good read for the weekend and get to sit and enjoy!

@MikeRafone I can and often use normal tents solo however if the weather is liable to change or I'm on a tricky route the pop ups are very handy and quick to put up in a pinch

Congratulations on being bwaver than all the others. Here’s a sticker, your medal is in the post

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Hmmm I think I agree with you op.

I think this about teens who go off on gap years....funded by their parents who if worse came to the worse would fly them out of there back to their detached house in the home counties.

I am a very good academic writer. Fiction gets me because I want to rush over all the details and just tell the story. This weekend I have a book by Helene Flood. Hoping to finish it today. Today I stay indoors!

Adventure means something different to everyone. I've done amazing things with DH that I'd never do on my own because it wouldn't be safe to go into certain areas alone, or I'd have to stick with guided tours. Sometimes on hols I've left him with the kids & gone off to do something non kid friendly. And vice versa.

BUT, if someone goes to a different beach for a holiday, and to them that's adventurous, who am I to judge? It's their adventure, not mine!

My DB likes to call us all boring for not constantly being on the go, doing new things, dropping everything for the latest adventure like he & his family do. It really, really, pisses me off. Our circumstances are different & I've no desire to camp in the middle of woop woop (I hate camping).

I read it as the OP being made to feel a bit less than by other members of the group because as a lone parent she i) doesn't have the finances to undertake certain 'adventures' or buy certain equipment and ii) can't be quite as as 'adventurous' as you can be when you have a second pair of adult hands to help set up and organise things and wrangle the kids. Plus a lone woman (or a female couple) with children are potentially more vulnerable than those with male partners in certain places/situations, which again can limit how 'adventurous' you can be.

As a single parent I get that OP. I've fortunately had the opposite experience of people being really supportive and positive that I do things on my own. And admiring my ability to pack huge amounts of camping equipment into my small car! If you're getting snide comments when you ask for advice then I think the issue is you need a new group.