To think you're not really that adventurous if you have your husband with you

[GigglingSid]

I'm part of a group for families who enjoy travel, nature, camping, outdoor pursuits, both in the UK and abroad. It's not a very single parent friendly group, some of the advice given, particularly around my budget for certain holidays has been very rude. There's been a lot of women commenting 'well my husband will always drive/ put up the tent/ plan routes/ bugger off cycling all day and leave me with the kids.
I've been away this week and have been chatting to various people on the group about hiking routes, camping spots etc. It suddenly struck me that many of these families have credit cards with limitless amounts on them, expensive cars, tents and camping equipment worth thousands and they are also nearly all heteronormative couples. What a different experience trekking though the Sahara as or with a large white man with you compared to my experience as a short, mid thirties woman?
I feel like I've been conned a little bit into thinking I wasn't able to be part of this elite club as I wasn't savvy enough at reading a OS map or that great at kayaking.
But maybe actually being a woman on her own, with two kids, £200 and an Aldi tent makes me the most adventurous of them all?

If I said I think my single parent sister is doing a more adventurous thing in going on a physical holiday alone with a limited budget and basic supplies, than I, going with another physically capspable adult, and enough money to buy whatever I need for maximum convenience, safety and to pay my way out of mishap, would you disagree? Or is it only because the OP has said it about herself you insult her and cant bring yourself to agree with the very obvious point she is making? Just curious as to when facts become 'chips on shoulders'.

There's nothing wrong with it but don't frame it as an amazingly brave accomplishment that makes you better than others.

I don’t understand the point you’re trying to make? Why does it matter who is more adventurous?

Here’s your validation medal you’re clearly looking for. Huge congrats

Why does everything have to be a competition?

They're kids on gap years. First time away without adults for many of them. Pretty mean spirited take on a load of 18 year olds.

You’re right being 2 people will make things look easier compared to on your own even if l of you is just busying the kids

Really?! I know loads from my school who went to the other side of the world 'volunteering' paid for by their wealthy parents safe in the knowledge that if the shit hit the fan they'd be bailed out by said parents and on the first flight back home. What then grates is they put this on their CV and expect to be viewed favourably for this mammoth selfless task. Naturally non of them would dream of volunteering in the UK.

I agree that I did feel a peculiar sense of ‘Gosh, it’s all on me’ for the first day or so, the first time I took my young DC on a long journey. My husband was simultaneously travelling in the US for work, so not easily reachable at times.

But of course it was nothing compared to actually parenting solo or being a widow.

However I take issue with your disparaging use of ‘heteronormative’. The UK is 89% heterosexual, according to the census, so why would it be surprising that a family camping group is mostly comprised of heterosexual couples?

Why does it matter? Are there points being handed out somewhere based on how adventurous you are? I'm also quite amazed that people tell you they have a credit card and how much the holiday has cost them.

Women are generally safer out and about anywhere if they're accompanied by a man. Sad but true

Life is also easier when you have money

It sounds like you need to be in a single parents group of campers, as you've realised you don't have anything in common with the married couples.

You don't say what sort of advice you've been given that's rude, but it might not be personal.

You can probably teach yourself to read an OS map with the guide from the OS map website.

Does it matter that you're not as good as kayaking? Like most things, you improve with more practice.

I don't think you needed to be scathing about married women not being as adventurous as you though.

YANBU OP. There is definitely more jeopardy navigating holidays as a LP. However whilst the couples may seem to have an advantage, their relationships are transactional and who wants to be nice to Gavin who has decided he needs an hour long poo when you need him to connect the gas bottle.
I recommend finding yourself a single mum friend to share your adventures for mutual support.

I get you. I try not to but I often feel envious and resentful of other people who I perceive as having better life than me.

And I agree, you should feel a great sense of achievement camping on a budget and on your own. I've been camping solo, and also on a self organised on holiday to Greece. That was all fun.

There is a Facebook group for women's camping UK you could try that.

Have lots more fun adventures!

O would focus on the fact that you find the group rude and unfriendly - and tha to making you come across as bitter and jealous as a result - which mean it's not a good environment for you

Yes alone is more adventurous but I wouldn't leave dh out of something he loves after all! , and if I was in a group that didn't all help each other out I'd leave it

If you could be more open I am sure we could find you another group that was better

Of course it's easier when there are two of you, or when you travel in a group. Each to their own. But I do agree it's more challenging to go to many places in the world as a single woman for instance. I've travelled alone for many years - Egypt as a lone female was a shock! Fine if you're flying out to a resort and staying in a tourist, protected hotel complex. Definitely more challenging if you're out with the locals and travelling up and down the Nile....

I have been to many Asian countries, trekked across deserts, climbing in Patagonia, up mountains and into rainforests....and many other unusual places over the years. All on my own although often hiring local guides for information or to get me from one place to another. Yes, I feel adventurous. I also think that if you go with partner/family or group of best friends, you will tend to stick with them (naturally) and you won't be forced to build relationships with the locals, nor have to adapt to local conditions to get by. Not everyone wants to do this, obviously, but I have found I learn the most by travelling by myself, and have come away knowing so much more about the joys and challenges of everyday life in the countries I have travelled in.

But that's just me. As others have said, it isn't a competition; however, personally I would only choose to travel alone these days, I love it!

Hi OP
As a single parent, I can understand if you have felt hurt by their comments, and that you would want them to be more sensitive to your situation.

But they aren't going to change. You would be better off finding a group that is nicer to be around. All round, that would be better for you and nicer for your child too.

Are they trying to be adventurous? It's not a competition, and every family has a different comfort and risk tolerance level, which changes with the ages of the kids involved.

Good for you for trying to give your children a great holiday on your own terms, I wouldn’t spend any time mithering about other people’s views or relationships, you’ve got enough on your plate!

I hope you’ve got travel insurance though, if you’ve really only got £200 and no credit card. Not being judgy, I’ve been there.

It’s definitely more of a challenge (and therefore more adventurous) to travel as a single woman, either with or without kids. Find a new group, OP. This one doesn’t sound like it gives you the encouragement you need.

Are you hetronormative and white? Because you mention those things about others in the group as though they're relevant to this situation, but not your own sexuality or ethnicity.
Of course camping is easier as a pair, but seems like your looking for ways to feel negative/judged/judgy.

@ShouldhavebeencalledAppollo in the OP's first paragraph she says, 'it's not a very single parent friendly group, some of the advice given, particularly around my budget for certain holidays has been very rude.' Which I read as being made to feel 'less than' by other members of the group because her budget is viewed as sub par.

I just think you are adventuring with the wrong people. Go in a group of solo travellers who help each other put up tents and navigate routes.

It can be more adventurous to do absolutely everything all by yourself (watch the film Tracks - true story of young woman who crossed Australia on wild camels she'd trained herself.) But it can also be astoundingly adventurous to do something with the help of loads of friends. (Watch Nyad, true story, not heteronormative at all!)

It's just "who's the tourist and who's a real traveller" for older people...

What?

So people commenting in this group how they organise things, or moaning their husbands bugger off for the day should be sensitive incase there's a single parent in the group?

It's not a single parents group. It's a camping group. I was a single parent for a long time so it's not like I don't know what it's like to be one.

But if you feel offended by people talking about camping in a camping group because they talk about the other adult they are camping with, the problem is with you. And you need to seek groups for only single parents.