To think you're not really that adventurous if you have your husband with you

[GigglingSid]

I'm part of a group for families who enjoy travel, nature, camping, outdoor pursuits, both in the UK and abroad. It's not a very single parent friendly group, some of the advice given, particularly around my budget for certain holidays has been very rude. There's been a lot of women commenting 'well my husband will always drive/ put up the tent/ plan routes/ bugger off cycling all day and leave me with the kids.
I've been away this week and have been chatting to various people on the group about hiking routes, camping spots etc. It suddenly struck me that many of these families have credit cards with limitless amounts on them, expensive cars, tents and camping equipment worth thousands and they are also nearly all heteronormative couples. What a different experience trekking though the Sahara as or with a large white man with you compared to my experience as a short, mid thirties woman?
I feel like I've been conned a little bit into thinking I wasn't able to be part of this elite club as I wasn't savvy enough at reading a OS map or that great at kayaking.
But maybe actually being a woman on her own, with two kids, £200 and an Aldi tent makes me the most adventurous of them all?

I don't think going into the Sahara on your own as a single British mother is so much adventurous as stupid. (But then one of my favourite books is The Sheltering Sky where an American woman goes travelling there and - spoilers - it does not end happily.)

I don't think a UK family outdoor pursuits group is the place to find adventure tbh. Face it you're never more than a 5 mile stroll (or maybe 'hike' as these groups call it) from a Wild Bean Cafe. May be the SAS would suit you better?

A family group in a country with 95% straight population will be heteronormative.

quite

Let's start pointing out that going on holiday for a week or so is just that, going on holiday and you are not experiencing the culture or really interacting with the locals, see how that goes 😂

Moving to the other side of the world with a backpack and on your own and staying there for a couple of years, now that would be an adventure. Or would it.

This is as ridiculous as the OP, there's tourists absolutely everywhere, you can find information about pretty much any part of the world, anyone can go anywhere, you can be rescued from anywhere, you'd think people would be happy to get a chance to travel whatever their budget? No, there's jealousy about someone doing it differently. What a waste .

I’m wondering if the wording of the OP maybe wasn’t the best but I think if this is what they were getting at that’s fair enough, anyone else in the same situation would naturally feel the same. Maybe the OP’s wording wasn’t the best perhaps…

This.

Does it really matter who is more adventurous? But if it does, then no, I don't think you being single makes you more adventurous. Someone else could be more adventurous then you but happens to have a DH to go with. Maybe they do more adventurous activities then you whilst away, or are just more adventurous in themselves.

some of the advice given, particularly around my budget for certain holidays has been very rude. There's been a lot of women commenting 'well my husband will always drive/ put up the tent/ plan routes/ bugger off cycling all day and leave me with the kids.

I don't get this part in particular - In what way has their advice around holiday budget been 'rude'? and what is your issue with the women complaining about being left with the kids?

What a different experience trekking though the Sahara as or with a large white man with you compared to my experience as a short, mid thirties woman?

Are the men you're camping with all overweight? i don't get the travelling with a 'large white man', focus. What has his skin colour got to do with camping and would it be more 'adventurous' if it were a large black/brown/Olive skinned man?

This post makes my brain hurt.

I have a blue tent that I bought at a tent shop but prefer my old 1980's ridge tent that is green and blue. Where do I fall on the economic scale?

What's heteronormative? Is that even a word? Do you mean heterosexual?Since when has the word normal been conflated with hetero?

Read Josie Dew's acounts about cycling with her 3 kids, sometimes with a spouse, often not, all on a shoestring. Only tame places like Isle of Wight or around the North Sea, but when she's huddling in a tent comforting her kids from the lightning storm: it's pretty adventurous stuff imho.

tbf, most people don't want adventure. They want a cozy clean house & GoggleBox.

Depends what you mean by adventurous. Its certainly riskier to head off into the wilderness on your own with no plan, no equipment and limited resources.

I think if anyone thinks travelling on your own is the same as travelling with a friend/partner or easier maybe hasn’t tried that. I have travelled solo once and whilst I felt pleased with myself knowing I managed it did also make me appreciate having someone there and ever since I’ve always tried to have a trip where I have someone to travel with because it’s easier and less stress, obv the other person could be lazy and rude etc in which case solo would be easier!

Adventure and taking yourself out of your comfort zone and expand your horizons looks differently for everyone.

I have a friend whose job is listed as adventurer and she does hard core challenges that others could never ever dream of. She says anyone could.

Next week we will go to the mountains for one night camping and hiking and that will be taking my family to the next step in their adventures.

always on this site we read comparison is the thief of joy. I’m not sure what you hope you achieve by trying to rank family levels of adventure.

I guess it's not a competition. You're all doing what you enjoy, but in different ways.

Heteronormative couples? I’ve heard it all now! 🤦‍♀️

Really stupid post. First of all a group camping holiday, presumably in the UK, isn't particularly adventurous for anyone. Second of all, it's not a competition. Third, do you want them to leave their husbands at home just so you can feel better?
I've done my share of risky solo travel, I'm not going to leave DH at home now just to prove how brave I am.

It is just the way of the world… a local teenager featured in the paper as he had sailed a route similar to the north west passage. He had been taken a yacht owned by a friend of the family. No personal skill, effort or adventurous spirit was required to do this. He was just fortunate to have been born in to the upper classes.

Make your own rules for your own adventure

If I took my DW camping with me, I can assure you I would have to be very brave indeed. She likes the idea of camping but hates the actuality. She's taller than me so in theory would be useful for hanging thing out of the reach of bears etc; but in fact she wonders why there are no comfy things (I don't need them, she didn't pack them), sulks that we have no control over the weather, forgets to leave her shoes upside down and in places where enormous beetles might not infest them, dislikes the realities of campsite loos and showers.
And generally, in the words of the youth (well maybe not) "harshes my vibe"

Our beloved offspring is at the stage where any holiday with a parent involved is super cringe, so doesn't want to come either.

So should I hang up a sign outside my tent that says "I'm not heteronormative, but my spouse didn't want to come and reinforce my queer reality"?

Or should I just get on with the camping (and hide all the new equipment I couldn't resist when I get home?)

I have no idea where I was going with this.

Same here.

I think you need to stop feeling self- conscious about being in this group.

Do they really have limitless credit, big fancy tents just because they’re married? I mean double income yes, but that doesn’t make them rich necessarily. Or are they all very posh?

You are camping in the UK with a group of other people. It’s not like you are on Alone.

Even on Alone you can tap out. I'd love to give Alone a go.

I’ve seen it to. It’s a certain type of people who do it. Bitter and entitled ones.

Don't compare yourself to others, you are adventurous, it is easier with more money, better equipment and a partner, but you are enjoying life, in spite of challenges and that's all that matters.

True. But they don’t even have an Aldi tent..

Adventure as in 'unusual, exciting or daring' is obviously subjective and dependent on your past experience, circumstances and level of risk the activity holds for you. However I think its reasonably safe to say, that all other things being equal, it is more of an adventure to do the same activity alone and on a restricted budget than it is to do it with another person and plenty of cash. This doesn't make the first innately superior, but I would argue it calls for a higher level of daring than doing it without the safety net of the second. Its a shame the OP didn't just start a thread saying 'I'm really proud of myself because I've gone out of my comfort zone to do this as a single parent without much money' I think (hope!) the responses would have been a lot more affirming of her achievement. Because its great to see women not allowing the absence of a man or money to restrict them.

😁 Shelter building would be my weakness but I could do it if I put my mind to it.