Saying no to childcare in the holidays

[Aprilmaymum]

I today put my foot down and said no to my DSIL asking me to look after her three DC for two days next week. I have DC of my own and I am a full time mum while my DH works long hours. Last week I looked after my DN’s for two days. I I get my DSIL works and I am always happy to help but this is turning into more than the odd day. Of course my DBIL
has spoke to my DH about this and how disappointed he is etc etc. I don’t want to fall out but I feel enough is enough. I plan my DC activities in the holidays and next week two have swimming and one a drama group. this gives me a chance to catch up on jobs. So when DSIL asked me again and for three days I said no. It took me a lot to say no but now I feel
like a pig in the middle.
anyone else who is a full time mum feel like they are being took advantage of.

Oh now that is taking the P

It gets easier with practice!

You've now said no. It's hard, but you've done it. 👏👏👏

Keep saying it to whoever asks tomorrow and in the future.

You're not in the wrong here, they are.

It’s so important for your kids to have time with YOU and each other too - without extras coming in and changing all the dynamics. Even though it’s hard on you - it’s actually your kids who pick up the bill. Hold you reserve OP!

Exactly this!!!

I gave up work to look after our 3 children, took the wage cut on board but was made to feel guilty because I didn’t want to look after my nieces/nephews through the holidays!

it’s like nope, I done this to look after my children, not theirs and they too could decide to do that to so nope YANBU

That's great.
When have they and will they help you?
As this sounds very one way

Bloody ridiculous you can’t possible mind 6 kids 2 or 3 days a week for the holidays! Cheeky DSIL is expecting you to pick all all the slack due to her and her DH piss poor planning? Did the summer holidays come as a surprise to them? What were they expecting dropping 3 kids off, leaving you to feed and entertain them before picking them up later to put to bed? Stick to your guns!

if you give in now it will be every school holiday!

This is your reply, OP

If they’ve never looked after your children, what DBIL means when he says family should help each other is only that your family should help his family.

And what’s this nonsense with him calling your husband after you had already said no? Seems a bit like he feels your DH should make you toe the line.

I think I would call him and let him know that you have only said no for next week and if he can’t accept that with good grace they can kiss goodbye to you ever doing childminding again

Stick to your guns, they are being so cheeky, and at your children's expense!
Let MIL look after them if she throws her opinion in aswell!

Just say no..easy!

Yanbu.

Absolutely stick to you guns.

But more than that, you need to work on not feeling guilty about it, not feeling bad.

You haven't done anything wrong at all. The fault is theirs.

I like the idea the poster above had of turning this around. Not only will you not feel guilty, but you'll call them out on how rude and entitled it is to ask.

She did WHAT??!

And you just sat there and and didn't say "nah thanks, DD and I are off"?

That is nuts. What did she/you say when she got back 😯

Your dh should ask bil why he hasn't arranged childcare for the summer or does he always leave it to his wife to sort out?

They used their annual leave to take their dcs on holiday in term time! Plus they both took a months leave at the same time! Oh wow. They are idiots. I would say to your dh that you will not be providing free childcare again, ever.
Personally I would help out now and again but not to parents like this, no way.
Yes tell your dh that your bil can sort his own childcare out. He can take unpaid leave and then sil can take unpaid leave the next time.

If I were you Id make lots of plans for the rest of the holidays too. Dbil saying families support each other just means he expects help as and when he wants it. I wouldnt let them guilt you about anything either, get angry at their entitled behaviour and make it as awkward as possible for them. Maybe then theyll have to cough up for childcare like everyone else has to

Keep saying no and to contact MIL.
Do not allow your husbands family to make an unpaid childminder out of you.
A month a way at Easter?
They really think you are a mug.
Listen to your children, the want to enjoy a peaceful house.
You don't owe anyone childcare.
I would be apoplectic at my husband being contacted about MY time.
Cheeky fxxkers.

The best bit is when they say "you are so lucky not to have to pay childcare".
Err...No! My childcare cost me my whole career salary for 5 years.
I learned to say "sorry lovely, that doesn't work for us".

Really? A bit of an over reaction here. “Sickeningly insulting” I think not, it’s just a phrase that people used to use to describe being a SAHM.
I can think of some phrases that are sickeningly insulting but full time mum isn’t one of them. The OP had already apologised and explained what she meant.

No, no and no again. Their disorganisation (and stupidity of taking a month off in term time) is not your problem.

I'd remind them, and DH can reiterate, that you were already kind enough to help out.

Cheeky fuckers.

My sister - before I became a mum - used me as her babysitter at least 3 times a week (and more on the weekends) when she got divorced and went through her slutty/not picky period.
I loved having my niece and didn’t think twice about it - until my sister got involved with a guy and then married him and dropped me like a bad habit.
I finally figured out that she’d been using me for free childcare for 5 years.
It hurt my feelings. But then again, she used me for free food and free lunches & dinners for 5 years too — so who’s the fool?
I am. I’m the fool.

I would plan to go away one of the weeks maybe visit your family/ camp in a field, be unavailable more often. Dh should also be clear that he is working hard to support your dc, not theirs.

No.

Putting people on the spot like this by asking is rude, rude, rude. Not sure who came up with that "it never hurts to ask" claptrap.

It's one thing to propose something mutually beneficial like trading favours. But a selfish one-sided ask unless it's a major medical emergency is just obnoxious.

YAnBU… I am a teacher and used to get this all the time in the summer from local mums when our kids were younger.. it was never reciprocated funnily enough so I put my foot down.

Well done for sticking to your guns. I would actually ignore any more messages requesting childcare. Just don't respond, there's so much power in choosing not to engage I think.

If they keep on, I would respond with, 'sorry I can't keep going through this nonsense every week, I don't have the energy' and leave it at that. It's time to get annoyed and show it. It's not like the summer holidays just crept up on them is it.