Saying no to childcare in the holidays

[Aprilmaymum]

I today put my foot down and said no to my DSIL asking me to look after her three DC for two days next week. I have DC of my own and I am a full time mum while my DH works long hours. Last week I looked after my DN’s for two days. I I get my DSIL works and I am always happy to help but this is turning into more than the odd day. Of course my DBIL
has spoke to my DH about this and how disappointed he is etc etc. I don’t want to fall out but I feel enough is enough. I plan my DC activities in the holidays and next week two have swimming and one a drama group. this gives me a chance to catch up on jobs. So when DSIL asked me again and for three days I said no. It took me a lot to say no but now I feel
like a pig in the middle.
anyone else who is a full time mum feel like they are being took advantage of.

Absolutely this.
I worked FT when my DD was young and yes indeed each school holiday was planned weeks in advance. This is just what you have to do.

For us it was usually a combination of leave from work, grandparents, holiday club or arrangements with friends who had DC. But it was always planned ahead. For the long summer holidays we usually had a chart on the fridge door showing the plan for every day of the school holiday.

Your BIL and SIL are just trying to take advantage. Nip it in the bud now and make sure your DH is on side. You do not want to become the default childcare for all the family

Those basturds are trying to stich you up OP, stick to your guns and dont engage/shut them down, etc.

They are being so disrespectful of you and your time. As others have said, you have sacrificed your income to be available to your children and to use your free time as you see fit.

Tell MiL if she feels that strongly about it she can provide unpaid childcare on short order, on a regular basis - which is actually what they’re expecting. And as for BIL, l’d be telling him in no uncertain terms that if he has something to say about you he should say it to your face instead of whining to his brother and expecting him to back him up instead of supporting his wife.

My eldest even said this morning he is looking forward to a quieter house ) he is very shy and likes his space )

It might be worth pointing out to DH that your priority should be your own kids enjoying the summer, not bailing your SIL out all the time!

If their kids are a handful and your kids don't enjoy having them there then it's a no brainer.

Make sure you make lots of plans for the remainder of the summer, OP! Your own kids come first!

How much were they paying you per day?
Did they provide the dc with food?

Has she forgotten to organise childcare for the summer holidays? Do you owe her lots of favours? I don't get why she would have this expectation.

I’m sure a ratio of one adult to six kids wouldn’t be allowed in a professional setting. How would you keep an eye on all of them at once, when you need the loo for instance. I childmind for one 3 year old and need eyes in the back of my head

In similar circumstances when they started wittering on about family I asked them to support me as I said it was true that families should support each other and asked them to support me.

They stopped asking pretty quick.

Um, well, surely they knew this when they booked the holiday? Did their childcare / holiday club booking fall through for the summer?

Do you owe them money? I just don't get how someone could expect unreciprocated babysitting for 3 children on an almost regular basis, unpaid and at short notice.

And not only this @Aprilmaymum , DBIL trying to guilt you - he can look after his own kids. Total disrespect talking about you not to you!

So sorry I voted YABU by mistake, I meant to vote YANBU!

You can change it

Tell them that they do not reciprocate with childcare and your time is as valuable as theirs. You are under no obligation to mind their children and they should not organise their workload with the assumption that you will. You are entitled to your own life. End of.

Just out of idle curiosity how much time has your DBil been pencilled in to look after his own children during the summer?

How pedantic and completely unnecessary.

ps. I describe myself as a full-time Mum and I’m not going to change my language for the likes of you.

Even if I had no plans, I’d not be willing to take care of someone else’s three children. You’re not running a crèche.

This is what would seriously get my back up.

I'd be messaging DBIL saying:

"DBIL, when DSIL asked if I could mind your children next week, I explained that I was unable to due to having plans made. I'm understandably confused as to why you then messaged DH about the matter? I am not DH's employee, I am an adult, who is perfectly capable of running my own schedule, and if I tell DSIL I have plans, it's because I have plans. Going to DH won't change that fact. Furthermore, being "family", albeit by marriage, does not mean I am obligated to carry out regular unpaid childcare whether I have plans in place or not."

They've pissed me right off and I'm not even you 😡

All the time. All. the. time. And none of these people ever reciprocate. They never babysit so you can go to dinner with your husband. It's only ever in one direction.

When are they helping you out, if that’s what families do?

”Yes, sure, I’ll have them for three days this week, and then you can have my child for three days the following week”.

full time mum? not that crap again.

“A lack of planning on your part doesn’t constitute an emergency on mine.”

Totally different if it's a week at ours and a week at theirs childcare situation. That's what I do with my family. For you OP, absolutely not fair being used as the default just because of your family setup.

So, for me the summer hols look like, 1-2 week family holiday
1 week at my sisters
1 week at in-laws
1 week at my mums
The rest holiday clubs/lolling about

And by a week I mean 2-3 days but that'll be the main activity for the week

I was SAHM & had to dodge friends & fam who wanted childcare, errands and for me to become a part time carer to MIL. I helped out in emergencies, but made it clear I wasn't doing it regularly. One time, SIL, who has a big fancy job asked 'why can't Mermaid Mummy do it?' in relation to driving their mother to appointments etc.

I remember reading somewhere at the time that if you don't do paid work, your time isn't valued, so everyone thinks it's ok to impose on you. You're an easy solution. Even if you have young DC.

Now I work the change is incredible. My time is respected & I'm no longer considered a free service.

I would be fuming at this.
Absolutely no, you have your week sorted and deserve some time when the kids are in clubs.
MIL has a cheek to wade in when she doesn't help and I would say exactly that.
Sorry SIL but MIL could step up.