Saying no to childcare in the holidays

[Aprilmaymum]

I today put my foot down and said no to my DSIL asking me to look after her three DC for two days next week. I have DC of my own and I am a full time mum while my DH works long hours. Last week I looked after my DN’s for two days. I I get my DSIL works and I am always happy to help but this is turning into more than the odd day. Of course my DBIL
has spoke to my DH about this and how disappointed he is etc etc. I don’t want to fall out but I feel enough is enough. I plan my DC activities in the holidays and next week two have swimming and one a drama group. this gives me a chance to catch up on jobs. So when DSIL asked me again and for three days I said no. It took me a lot to say no but now I feel
like a pig in the middle.
anyone else who is a full time mum feel like they are being took advantage of.

Hopefully they just want everyone to have a nice time after all the bickering.

Just go and shut them down.

”6 children are far too many. I’m stuck in the house as we can’t all fit in the car. It’s not fair on my kids and I’m not doing it”

“You shouldn’t have used all your annual leave and spent all your money on a month long holiday in the states if you knew you didn’t have enough of both to cover the school holidays. We’d all like to do that but you need to do it without relying on others to then bail you out. I’m not doing it.”

Hope it all goes ok. On balance I think its better to go.

Apart from their lack of planning, taking you for granted I think they've the mentality that you've already got 4 of your own what difference will another 2 make.

It's not like that in the real world. You can't go out unless you've a minibus and 6 child seats, can't walk to the shops. We 'only' had 3 and the addition of 1 or 2 more changed the dynamics and what you could/couldn't do.

All the best.

@Backtoanoldname the OP has three of her own not four. There are three extra kids, including twins!

Whoops - got my numbers wrong. Even cheekier - asking for 3 to be looked after.

I think they've the mentality that you've already got 4 of your own what difference will another 2 make.

It’s 3 each. I’m sure they can imagine exactly how hard 6 kids

It still amazes me that anyone thinks it’s ok to be looking after SIX children

I hope it goes well for you OP. I am glad your in laws are being lovely about it all. I absolutely cannot fathom why anyone would think it's ok to demand someone with 3 kids of there own to also look after another 3 because they decided to go on holiday for a month.

As a mum of 3 the thought of looking after 3 more kids in the holidays on a day to day basis fills me with absolute dread. I love my kids but getting much done with them home is very difficult. I also pre plan and book holiday clubs etc for them and save up for these in the year. It gives me a chance to get some stuff done. Although the youngest isn't able to go to holiday clubs yet but will be next year.

I will happily look after my nephew from time to time as he just plays with my kids but this is a mutual thing. I stopped caring for other family members kids as they never helped with mine.

I agree, OP; you've done nothing wrong and have no reason to hide away. I hope the invitation from your parents-in-law is as altriustic as it seems and that they won't disappoint you by piling on further pressure. Anyone reasonable would have got the message by now that your answer is 'no', that your DH can't be worked upon, and that the position isn't going to change.

A united front between partners is essential when dealing with people like SiL/BiL. Your DH sounds like a keeper!

Don't feel like you have to make excuses - this just encourages some people to try and find work arounds.
It's perfectly okay to say that you don't want to do it - that you've made your choices to suit your own family, as they have made theirs and you just don't want to do childcare for 3 extra kids.

Ilovecleaning · 08/08/2024 14:34
WickieRoy · 08/08/2024 12:24
I think some are overreacting. Remember, the PIL sided with OP once they knew what was going on, I suspect that they just want to get everyone together in the hopes it will blow over.

OP is in the right, so all she needs to do is brightly say no, that it isn't possible and she isn't available for childcare.
Good point. I’d forgotten that PIL were on her side once they knew. If I were OP I still wouldn’t fancy the family lunch.

That may change if the in laws realise that they are now 'it'

Yes. Giving excuses simply invites counter arguments and discussion.

I wonder how today's lunch is going!

I really hope op comes back to update , hoping everything went well for her at the lunch

Me, too. I have been following the thread closely. I hate to see such bullying, entitled behaviour.

Update please

Rude.

Why is it rude?

OP doesn't owe you an update, this is her real life, not entertainment for you. To ask for one without even using a full sentence is rude.

Ok. Fair enough. I didn’t actually ask for the update. Someone else did.

So her opinion should count for fuck all.
Same goes for dbil and sisil.

How was the meal @Aprilmaymum ?

Brief update,
little awkward at the beginning but nothing was mentioned over lunch. After lunch it was mentioned but in a more of a how are the children and what plans have you all got. Pleased to say DH said I had worked very hard to make sure the DC were kept amused during the holidays with outings and clubs. My SIL has taken time of work ( unpaid leave )
Glad I said no and my two eldest are having a friend over each this week which I couldn’t have done.
thank you all

That's a great update. Glad it all went smoothly.

So now you can see that there were solutions in your SIL taking unpaid leave!
They just hadn't wanted to do this option.

Brilliant, well done OP. Hopefully all will blow over now.