To think she's gearing up to cancel?

[SunflowerMabel]

Last year the mum of my DC's friend kindly offered for her to join them on a mini break they had planned this year. I paid for her share of the accommodation and food (around £300)

Getting together has been a bit more tricky since they started (different) schools but we generally met up once a month or so.

So, they are due to go on on this mini break on Monday and I haven't heard back from mum. I text last weekend suggesting we meet up for lunch/an activity and asked for confirmation RE what time they'd be leaving to get to the destination etc and I haven't heard anything back at all.

She has been active on social media. I don't want to pester her but I'm getting a bit concerned that there's a cancellation coming. Surely there would be some contact by now if it was going ahead?

AIBU/WWYD?

OP, this thread reads as though you are reconsidering your decision for DD to go because of posters on this thread saying that 5 is so young.

It is young, but you know your daughter and how she is around the other child and her mum. And if she has happily had sleepovers before and you are able to pick her up early if needed (not in the middle of the night - she may have to wait but would be safe and looked after) then that is a perfectly fine decision. Particularly as you mention her missing out sometimes due to siblings care needs.

I would call the mum this morning. Rather than waiting overthinking until this evening.

I hope you get sorted soon. Bad form on the mother's part ignoring you.

If she has already paid for the holiday ,then your £300, is long gone ,weather she goes or doesn't
Your not going to get that money back
That's why she's not been contacting u

If she mentioned it a few weeks ago I can't see why she would cancel now

This is AIBU so people are being unnecessarily harsh, calling you a mug etc.

You tried to do a nice thing for your DD and got caught off guard a bit. I can see why you thought this would be good for DD - and chances are it would.

Dont beat yourself up about it - you sound like a great mum. All any of us can do is what seemed okay at the time - nobody has a crystal ball. Hope it works whatever happens.

Please don't cancel @SunflowerMabel . Your dd would be disappointed and she'll probably have a whale of a time. Only you'll know if your dd will be OK without you for that length of time, but she'll probably be so busy having a great time that she won't have opportunity to miss you.

You do need to speak to the other mum ASAP though.

Wow, that is young to go away with a friend. I wouldn't leave my kid more than a few hours with a friend at that point.

I'd be backing out. Way too young to go away with another family, especially one who you have such limited contact with.

what on earth are you thinking sending a child that young away??? And to be honest i am shocked they even asked.

wtf? Nobody asked if you approved

Just call and say is everything still going ahead for next week what time do you want us to drop dd of to you. Ignore other posters on here iv taken other people's kids on holiday of this age she will have a great time.

Nope, but it was discussed the week before when we met up at soft play. Mum raised it, said how much her DD was looking forward to it etc.

Look at it from their point of view. IF you're organised and confident and relaxed about taking an extra 5 year old on holiday, (which they are, because they offered), AND you spoke about it with OP just a few weeks ago (which they did), AND you reaffirmed how much your DD was looking forward to it (which they did), THEN why would you rush to be in contact with OP? You know it's all okay, and you assume OP knows it's all okay, because the plan has been in place for a year, and you reaffirmed it, with them, just a few weeks ago!

OP, take a deep breath, and stop letting the thread work you into a panic. Pick up the phone to double-check whatever you need to. Own your own anxieties and work out whether you need to act on them. Don't turn this kind and generous friend into the bad guy.

The OP knows her daughter, and the situation, better than strangers on the internet do. The question was about what to do now that the other mum has gone quiet.

Just call the woman and whatever you do don’t cancel as that would then mean she doesn’t have to pay you back - let her cancel on you and then you can ask for your money .

5 years old is too young to be going on sleepovers never mind away with a family that you know so slightly.

You've done nothing wrong OP you know the family and you know your own child and you made the decision that was right for you. It might just be in the run up to the holiday the other mum is just very busy and hasn't been avoiding you on purpose- I'd send another message just to say you need to clear up travel plans etc and see if she replies.

OP, your uncertainty over arrangements (what time to leave) and this thread are working you up into a firm belief that your friend wants to cancel, and that your 5 year is too young to go with a friends parent.

Friend could well be busy / distracted and does not have time for a meal or activity to discuss basic arrangements.

And I often took 5 year old friends away with us and mine went on short trips with friends. As you have said: your friend is a reliable safeguarding parent.

Of course it is fine for parents to decide that their kids don’t travel with others, up to you. But MN has a high % of very cautious and anxious parents.

Don’t let this thread cause you to scupper what could still be a happy arrangement.

Call your friend NOW.

Oh for goodness sake, don't talk yourself out of this !
speak to the mother !
you are a grown adult ! and can actually use a telephone

you say your child knows about it and is excited

so find out if it is happening for her
you said it's only an hour away on a train

my daughter was doing and having sleepovers by the age of 4, yes Butlins is more than a sleepover but she may love it and be too tired out to miss you too much

I've just tried to call her and got no answer. Will see if she gets back to me.

When she's not working she's usually zipping between her own hobby clubs and ferrying her DD to numerous of hers, it isn't often she's doing nothing iykwim.

But the OP’s question wasn’t ‘ is my daughter too young to go away on this trip?’ What other people with no knowledge whatsoever of the situation think about that is irrelevant and unhelpful.

Sounds fine to me. It was discussed not that long ago, no reason to think the mum is planning to cancel?!

Five is quite young for a holiday with another family but plenty have done it and enjoyed it! If she doesn’t, well, you’re only a short train ride away.

think the fact that your DD has limited options normally, given your disabled child, means it is particularly worth giving it a go.