To think she's gearing up to cancel?

[SunflowerMabel]

Last year the mum of my DC's friend kindly offered for her to join them on a mini break they had planned this year. I paid for her share of the accommodation and food (around £300)

Getting together has been a bit more tricky since they started (different) schools but we generally met up once a month or so.

So, they are due to go on on this mini break on Monday and I haven't heard back from mum. I text last weekend suggesting we meet up for lunch/an activity and asked for confirmation RE what time they'd be leaving to get to the destination etc and I haven't heard anything back at all.

She has been active on social media. I don't want to pester her but I'm getting a bit concerned that there's a cancellation coming. Surely there would be some contact by now if it was going ahead?

AIBU/WWYD?

Good point.

What does your DH think? Or other family members who know your daughter well?

If they think it’s a go and if you can get over the chronic awkwardness of calling up, let her go. She’s only an hour away and it sounds like it may be beneficial, on the whole, for all involved. The other parents have someone for their daughter to play with, the kids will enjoy being together, you get a little bit of respite and your son has you to himself for a while.

I say that assuming with your caring responsibilities for your son, if there was a problem, would you be able to get the train you mentioned?

Do you think she might be staying silent in the hope that you change your mind and cancel so she doesn't have to?

I wouldn't want to take someone else's 5 year old for a week but would hate to be the one to cancel in this situation.

You don’t fell comfortable phoning but your daughter is going away with them?

Nope. The only people I would have let my 5 year old go away with would have been my parents or my sister.

I'd ring her and be like "we're fine either way but just need to know" - the either way being your DD goes (if you still want that) or they just give you your money back and go themselves, with no judgement if they'd prefer that. Keeping your £300 is of course not an option! I'd probably something as an excuse like the grandparents are asking if DD is free that day to do something else.

She doesn't need to give an excuse - they're meant to be leaving on Monday!

Just give her a call. And if she has decided your daughter isn’t going then ask for the money back.

Putting aside the lack of communication at the moment No I don't think it is a bad decision.

Whilst I understand why many would not let their child go it doesn't mean it isn't suitable for your child.

Of my children two would be suitable and one wouldn't just because of their personality .

I also think it is important to realise as you have said that your child has less experiences due to the siblings special needs and that it isn't wrong to do things a bit differently to help her have these experiences.

I also don't think that there is any issue over paying for it, as it was discussed upfront and you agreed.

Obviously the not replying to messages puts a different slant on it, agree with ringing her. Hope it all works out

If it’s somewhere like Butlin’s she’ll have a blast and won’t be waking up crying for mummy (that was a mean thing to suggest), she’ll be bouncing from one activity to another!

I don’t think it was an awful decision to say yes. The OP said her DD is excited to go and the other Mum also said this about their child at an earlier meet up.

Just call later and if she answers ask for the plans for Monday. If she doesn’t answer or doesn’t respond just chalk it up to experience and ask for the money back. It doesn’t have to be a big deal.

I'll give her a call shortly. God this is uncomfortable.

I suspect (because she's a bit like me in this sense) she feels awkward as hell about having this kind of conversation.

OP, please don’t let other people’s judgement on here get you down! There’s giving advice, and then there’s downright judging for the sake of it which is in some of the less kind responses on here. You’ve already explained your thought processes behind the initial decision, and been very self-aware about the using the phone thing in this age of social media, but some people seem to like to continue to criticise. Anyway, I hope this situation works out for the best one way or another.

Stop letting other people convince you it’s a terrible idea. It’s not. Your daughter will have a lovely time. Just call the mum and make arrangements. Maybe she has changed her mind. Maybe she hasn’t and just assumes it’s all sorted.
My own daughters would have been absolutely fine to go away for a week without me at 5.

She’s unreasonable to take £300 off you then ghost you.

If you feel awkward making the call, write bullet points down on a piece of paper. It helps you to focus on what you need to say, and then you won't dither with nerves.

• Good morning I'm having second thoughts about the holiday
• she's too young
• too awkward by train if there's a problem etc

I think everyone's being a bit dramatic about the age thing. I used to have sleepovers with friends from a very young age and thoroughly enjoyed it, even when a bit homesick. I assume OP's DD will be able to use a phone to ring OP if she misses her, or to excitedly tell her about her day. OP has said she'd be able to get there in an hour if DD wanted to come home - not that long really. I personally wouldn't cancel, I would call the friend and check all is still going ahead. If she cancels then fine, but don't take the opportunity away from your daughter.

Just wait! Give her time to reply to the text.

The pressure on here is silly. It's not ridiculous for her to go on the trip, she'll have a blast.

If she cancels then she'll need to give you the £300. If you ring up dithering and moving the goalposts she won't give it back.

It's an hour by train.
Not exactly hopping in the car if there's a problem.

I realise I’m totally missing the point, but what ‘mini-break’ in the UK costs £300 per 5/6 year old child?!

I would phone, OP, this is the kind of scatty thing I would forget to sort out until it’s right in front of me. I don’t think she’s gearing up to cancel and I think your DD will have an amazing time.

OP hasn't been ghosted - they spoke about the holiday a few weeks ago.

"If you feel awkward making the call, write bullet points down on a piece of paper. It helps you to focus on what you need to say, and then you won't dither with nerves.

• Good morning I'm having second thoughts about the holiday
• she's too young
• too awkward by train if there's a problem etc"

Might as well say "Good morning, Mumsnet has put me off and made me feel like a bad mum so let me pay £300 towards your holiday without even giving my daughter a chance to enjoy it"

"I realise I’m totally missing the point, but what ‘mini-break’ in the UK costs £300 per 5/6 year old child?!"

Centreparcs? Bluestone? A week at Butlins catered in August?

Good idea about the bullet points but not these ones!

-hello just checking the arrangements for the holiday, it’s still Ok for my daughter to come with you isn’t it?
if no
-that’s fine completely understand, shall I give you my bank details to transfer my money or will you give it to me in cash?
If yes
-great what time do you want me to bring her over?
-is there anything specific she needs to bring?

use the bullet points in the post quoted above by all means if you’ve had a change of heart but if you cancel she is not really obliged to return your money.

Or, "I've been having second thoughts, and discussing it with other mums has confirmed it and lead me to this conclusion "

Do you otherwise like this other parent and apart from this, do they seem sensible?

Unless you have concerns about her well-being, I would let your daughter go on the proviso that you will collect her if it doesn’t work.

The bullet points above were suggestions to help her as I understood her to have a change of heart, as was apparent from her posts.
Yours would not work in such a situation.