To think she's gearing up to cancel?

[SunflowerMabel]

Last year the mum of my DC's friend kindly offered for her to join them on a mini break they had planned this year. I paid for her share of the accommodation and food (around £300)

Getting together has been a bit more tricky since they started (different) schools but we generally met up once a month or so.

So, they are due to go on on this mini break on Monday and I haven't heard back from mum. I text last weekend suggesting we meet up for lunch/an activity and asked for confirmation RE what time they'd be leaving to get to the destination etc and I haven't heard anything back at all.

She has been active on social media. I don't want to pester her but I'm getting a bit concerned that there's a cancellation coming. Surely there would be some contact by now if it was going ahead?

AIBU/WWYD?

I would phone her this morning, rather than spend the day worrying about it! Do it!!!

Bit weird, I’d have thought by now that she’d have been in contact with you to sort out plans.

Good luck getting a train in the middle of the night!

In my situation the mum was literally a one minute walk away but still didn't come until the morning, I didn't want to wake her at 4am.

If you contact her and make it seem in anyway that cancelling is your idea, you might not get your money back.

I don't think we have either!

Ordinarily it wouldn't have occurred to me to let DD go anywhere without me whilst so young. I think the fact mum was so enthusiastic, coupled with what she does for a living etc, I've let my guard down more than I otherwise would.

On the flip side I can see why taking somebody else's young child away for a few days would fill you with dread as said date approaches 😐

You know what they say about good intentions..

I hate ringing people, but o think I’d just do it now, so I knew rather than stressing about it all day

reasoned that with the fact that I could get there via train in an hour so - if she did get upset or want to come home I could zip across and get her no problem.

At 2am?! Where are you in the country?!

Letting such a young child go away for a holiday with someone you don’t appear to know well at all is bizarre!

Agreed, I'd let her do the canceling even if you're having 2nd thoughts

Did either of you mention this holiday when you last had contact two weeks ago?

Nope, but it was discussed the week before when we met up at soft play. Mum raised it, said how much her DD was looking forward to it etc.

Ok so it’s not like absolutely nothing has been mentioned about it recently so it would be very odd if she now cancels, I’d either call her or if you really can’t bring yourself to do that then send her another message asking if it’s still happening and if that isn’t responded to I think you have your answer, message her giving her your bank details to return the money.

This!

You'd rather say goodbye to that money than make a phone call to a woman you apparently trust enough to leave your young child with her for several days?

This. I was quite shocked when you said year one. No way would I be sending my child off with a flaky, unreliable friend for a few days at that age. Heck I don’t think I’d even let family.

You should call her this morning. Not put it off. Your dd deserves to know she’s not going so you can get your money back and organise / pay for some good activities with her.

I'm no stranger to losing £ to bad decisions unfortunately, I call it the ADHD tax. This isn't the first time I've agreed to something I later changed my mind about, although its the first time it has been specifically about my DC.

I wish I'd have just held my initial position and said no it's okay, can't commit etc 😐

I wouldn't leave it until tonight, give her a call this morning so you can gauge what her reaction is. Could be she's got something going on in her life right now and has worked out final timings/details for Monday in her head.

If she does have any reservations and you feel she's not sure now, suggest she take someone else and you'll have your money back, so that's £300 towards day trips/treats for your DD in the hols.

Its a really bad decision isn't it?

I've had doubts consistently in the run up but pushed it to the back of my mind and told myself I'm being daft, it'll be great for DD etc.

Something that influenced me just cracking on and going along with it is the fact that she misses out on quite a lot due to having a disabled sibling who can't/won't cope with most of the activities she likes/wants to do.

This friendship between her and the other little girl and our days out etc was something I viewed as important to her, because I know the importance of trying to make sure children with SN siblings have something resembling a normal life.

So whilst I absolutely had reservations I was definitely more susceptible to agreeing with it with all of the above in mind.

I think I need to cancel myself at this point and do her a favour.

You paid £300 for your 5 year old to go to a holiday park with another family? You’re a mug, you just paid for their holiday. What a bizarre thing to do, why would you even let your child go away with another family like that?

I think I'd just cancel it OP, I'd say your DD is unwell or something, I'm not sure sending a 5yr old away with somebody she doesn't know super well is a great idea...

Can you plan something else with DD this week, even just a really nice day trip?

See above.

It's a nuanced situation it isn't black and white. It was a chance for DD to do something she otherwise wouldn't have the opportunity to do at this point.

i knew someone who send their 6 year old off for a week or more to Italy with a school friend - the girls were fine, and you are only going to be an hour away.

this of course assumes the other mum still wants to take her . If that’s not the case then it needs clearing up sooner than later. Why are you waiting until this evening? Why not phone this morning?

Just ring her. Stop listening to people in mumsnet and ring your friend.

Just to take a step back here and forget the money, are you sure you want your DD5 to be going away with a family that you're not comfortable having a phone conversation with?

Ring her. However, I agree with pp, 5 years old is too young, looking at it from all sides. Just cancel. Someone will have an anecdote about going to the Amazon with another family when they were 4, but this is your reality.
You made a mistake, it happens.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the trip @SunflowerMabel. There were people I’d happily have let mine go with at that age xxx