To think she's gearing up to cancel?

[SunflowerMabel]

Last year the mum of my DC's friend kindly offered for her to join them on a mini break they had planned this year. I paid for her share of the accommodation and food (around £300)

Getting together has been a bit more tricky since they started (different) schools but we generally met up once a month or so.

So, they are due to go on on this mini break on Monday and I haven't heard back from mum. I text last weekend suggesting we meet up for lunch/an activity and asked for confirmation RE what time they'd be leaving to get to the destination etc and I haven't heard anything back at all.

She has been active on social media. I don't want to pester her but I'm getting a bit concerned that there's a cancellation coming. Surely there would be some contact by now if it was going ahead?

AIBU/WWYD?

Butlins during the school holidays, they hoist the prices up to match the demand. It's hotel accommodation plus a dining plan.

It does seem a lot. I note that it includes food, but I can't imagine she'll eat that much!

Please do not let posters here put you off. You know your daughter and this family, we don't. A lot of people on here are so unsocial they won't even open their front door if someone knocks. If it still goes ahead then let your daughter go. She'll have a great time with her friend doing activities she is usually restricted from due to her sibling's needs. Yes, she might miss you but that won't automatically stop her having a great time. And, as you say, you can go pick her up if you need to.

"Butlins during the school holidays, they hoist the prices up to match the demand. It's hotel accommodation plus a dining plan."

Aw let her go OP. She'll have a great time with her friend. Just ring and see what the arrangements are for Monday and ask if there's anything specific she needs to bring

Bless you, I know, I can identify. But take a deep breath and a get bit of perspective here: you are both going to feel SO much better for having discussed it and cleared the air! If there's any confusion, I'm sure she'll be grateful to you for broaching the subject.

Maybe you can drop her a line saying 'Shall I call you at whatever o'clock for a chat about this and check if it's still happening?' And call her then even if she doesn't reply. Then you have made a commitment - which will take all the 'indecision tension' out of it - and she'll have had a heads up (which includes the possibility of cancelling if she needs that 'out') and you're both prepared for it.

Good luck for the best outcome!

Tbh as a mum of several children with complex needs I can totally see why you agreed for the trip. It would be lovely as you said for your daughter to get opportunities she may otherwise not. If the mum is someone you trust and feel comfortable with I wouldn’t feel concerned about the child’s age so much. Some of the grandparents Ive seen out providing childcare look unable to manage if A toddler ran off etc so a mum your trust who works in safeguarding seems reasonable.

i agree with other posters re just picking up the phone although understand it can be hard with ADHD to actually do that - remind yourself - worst case she’s changed her mind, you’ll get a refund and you guys can arrange some more local treats over that week - best case she’s just one of those parents who wings it all and actually all is fine she just hasn’t thought to message further updates

Above all else - be kind to yourself. Parenting children with complex needs can be guilt inducing enough

Oh I didn’t get that from her posts, sorry. I got that she’s now having doubts because of what people are saying on here. It’s easy with the benefit of hindsight she has now with the patchy communication to be having doubts but I don’t think I’d want to instigate the cancellation, I’d be hoping she either has a good reason for the lack of communication or that she is going to cancel! Hold your nerve OP, even if you want to cancel, wait and see if she cancels first so you can get your money back.

"It does seem a lot. I note that it includes food, but I can't imagine she'll eat that much!"

Less than £45 for food, accommodation and entertainment (which is fantastic for 5 year olds btw). In peak season? Seems reasonable really

£45 a night that should read

I agree. OP, don’t end up in a situation where you cancel ( unless you want to) and then don’t feel able to ask for the money back. Your friend has been unreasonable here in not being in touch to confirm, even if there are good reasons for that. I think your suggestion of waiting, but preparing your DD for the possibility it might not happen is a good one.

Oh, I thought she'd paid £300.

I'm in the let her go camp. She'll have a fun time with her mate and a caring responsible adult. It'll expand her horizons. And if she's miserable and hating it, you go and get her! Please give her the chance to do some fun stuff and ignore the finger waggers. If they choose not to do it, fine. Their prerogative. But your post wasn't about that - hope you hear back positively from the mum and hope your DD has a great time!

Sorry, just seen your update.

If you’re genuinely concerned about the set up then obviously your Dd shouldn’t go but as another poster said do not be put off by MN posters alone.

you know your DD and the other mum. MN do not and you have no idea whether you’re being influenced by a mum with similar attitudes and experiences to you or one that won’t let her children go to someone’s house unless she’s known the parent for at least 6 years, done a full background check and is able to check in via nanny cam every hour. When the child is 15

I don’t think she’s going to cancel and suspect she would be disappointed if you suggest it. She’s probably just very busy doing summer holiday stuff. Ring her and check “All still ok for Monday?” then check what she needs to bring etc.
If you hadn’t paid and/or it hadn’t been mentioned in months I’d think it’s off but as things stand I think it’s likely to still be going ahead. I hope your daughter has a fabulous time.

I went away with neighbours and family friends at age 5 and 6, summer camp at 7. It was fine.

Her posts indicated a definite change of heart to me, but all things are open to interpretation, and my suggestion came with the best of intentions. I hope a discussion clarifies it to everyone's benefit.

OP did say £300 for food and accommodation, which does seem steep to be fair. Sounds like they wanted to rebook but we’re £300 short. I think if you offer to take someone else’s child on holiday you pay for it. It’s nice if the other parent offers to contribute but really, how much extra does it really cost to add on an extra 5 year old? Not £300

Just phone her and ask if everything is still set. Don't Just cancel and upset both kids

Or course it can cost an extra £300, and extra bed means bigger room plus all food drink entertainment.

For Butlins it sounds reasonable.

Absolutely @KateDelRick I didn’t mean any offence by quoting you, I liked your suggestion but just not that the OP should go straight into the conversation cancelling it, even if that’s what she wants to do.

Yes, thank you - I agree 👍

If your DD is happy to go and you're confident that she'll cope just fine without you there then I would send her. She'll have a ball. That's if she's still invited obviously!
I'm another one who'd ring the mum this morning because if she bails on you, you need to let your daughter know asap.

Just ring her now, @SunflowerMabel

Hi-just wanted to catch up with you about Bultins on Monday-can’t believe it’s come round so quickly! Can you run things through with me so I know the timings and what to pack?

I would not be comfortable sending a child this young away with another family, although I appreciate only you know yourself if you're happy with it or not. If you cancel yourself then I'd ask for the money back. If part of the money is for her food/ expenses, then surely they can give you that part of it back at least.