To dismiss a guy pursuing me, because he likes metal music?

[LilacCatt]

A nice guy is pursuing me. I don't know him much yet, but he is nice so far.

Something that is making me have 2nd thoughts though... Is that he loves metal music.

I frigging hate metal music.

I like pop, rock, reggae, soul, house, disco, grunge, classical.... Anything but metal. I cant bear to listen to even 30 seconds of metal. To me, it sounds totally demonic. I cannot comprehend why someone would want to listen to that.

I spend a large portion of every day with music playing.

This guy says he listens to metal 80% of the time.

I'd love to meet someone who I can really vibe and dance with, and just enjoy listening to the same music together.

AIBU to dismiss a guy for his music tastes? Even if he is a nice guy, respectful, handsome, very sporty/muscly...?

this ^
It's a really broad genre.. if you go on You Tube, there are kids playing Metallica on the flute, the piano and classical guitar. It made me look at it in a whole different way.

Ask him to make you a play list of the most accessible metal music he likes. And make him a playlist of the rock genre that you like - It could actually turn out to be a really fun comparison.

You may not like the same genre, but you both understand really liking music

Yes if music is that important to you then I absolutely would not be bothering with him. However music is not something that interests me at all. I was chatting to a guy on bumble recently who kept banging on about how much he loved it and gigs etc. I told him I wasn’t interested in music at all and he unmatched me immediately. No worries

If it’s important to you, then you don’t need to ask Mumsnet for validation.

‘Metal’ is a very broad genre though. You say you like rock and grunge, both of which would be considered as metal by a lot of people. Obviously if this bloke literally only listens to death metal you’re probably not going to like it, but loads of metal music isn’t like that at all and massively overlaps with some of the music you claim you like.

Ah no, I feel sorry for Heavy Metal Harry. He sounds like a good dude.

@LilacCatt what matters are your core values. What do you both feel is the answer to certain current issues? Are you on the same page or poles apart? How do you feel kids should be parented (if you see kids playing up in the supermarket would one of you be more annoyed)? Are you politically like-minded? Music taste - it’s nice if you can have some overlap but no harm in having different tastes.

I can sort of understand your point of view. I do like metal and my DH really doesn't. I only listen to it when he's not around. I think a lot of the music he likes sounds really bland. I love him very much, so I'm prepared to compromise on this, but I think I'd be even happier if our musical tastes were more similar. So as this is someone you don't know very well at all yet, it wouldn't be outrageous to avoid getting into a relationship with him. I think you would know it was love if you were prepared to overlook the musical differences.

Yanbu that would put me right off. I'm not good with certain sounds and wouldn't cope with someone playing it in my house.

i Had a list of things I’d dismiss for when OLD a few years ago

being called Dave was one of them

@LilacCatt is NBU

But it depends how important music is to you.

It is such a big part of my life that I really couldn't be with somone who didnt' share my taste in music.

I think there's a queue for Metal Mickey's number so he won't be stuck for a date 😁

So if you found someone attractive, had huge sexual chemistry, he was solvent, kind, generous, funny, hard working etc etc you wouldn't give him a chance because he didn't like Abba?

I guess it depends how important it is for either of you. I also hate metal and wouldn’t want to listen to it ever. If my partner listened in his own wouldn’t bother me but yeah it could be an issue long term couldn’t it?

No, but not liking Abba is not the same as listening to metal 80% of the time is it?

Music is such a big part of my life that it would cause so many problems. Similar to if someone had polar opposite political views.

If everything was perfect except for polar opposite political views, I would not go out with them because it would cause a lot of problems later on.

sounds demonic and yes , it is - take some of their lyrics ( there was a band asking people to commit suicide or go to hell) .

second , not sure. Do what you want with him. I personally couldnt live with someone lsitening 80% of his home time the same music and doing nothing else. My husband and I listen to classic or just music, usually on our headphones and not as a form of religious metal worship.

Sorry, not helpful enough.

I wouldn't be too questioning too soon. Many heavy metal fan men are very gentle, very lovely, have most of the attraction qualities that could mean a happy 25+ year marriage.

My exH was into metal. And I mean, REALLY into metal. Not just a bit of Metallica either, but Slayer, Celtic Frost, Sepultura, Dokken.... utter bilge, IMHO. He used to play it really loudly when he was drunk or upset. It was like living with an overgrown 15 year old boy. I would never go out with a metal head again.

It's true!

I've been to meta gigs alone and felt totally safe. One guy barged me and a biiiig farmer dude standing next to me squared right up to him 😁

It's interesting that there is a running theme here of people agreeing the metalheads are all (typically) nice people.ironically, in my 20's, I worked behind the bar at a metal night club (god it was awful 🤣)
And yes, all the customers were all really nice.

Why is that?????

On the same note, I feel like I didn't ever fit in with that 'type' of person. Some of my friends in school were into metal and sometimes I would go to metal bars with them. I lost touch with all of that particular group. I think with metal it goes deeper than just the music. I agree the people are generally quite nice, but for some reason they're not my type of nice? I dunno! It's weird.

YANBU. I couldn't be with someone who loved music and had to listen to it all the time. I'm not into music at all so the way you feel is no different to how I'd hate having music on a lot!

Are you sure you listen to classical and you're not a closet death metal / grindcore fan? Otherwise how do you know of lyrics asking people to kill themselves?

Out of interest what band/song are you referring to?

Most people I know who are into metal are very down to earth and gentle - have no idea why.

Bloody hell, that's not a dealbreaker!! But wait it out there for Mr Perfect then, because you aren't going to find him!!

It's weird isn't it!!!

I think it's because they're outsiders during their teen years, and bond over being left out and treated meanly. When they find their metal tribe they're so damn happy about it!