To dismiss a guy pursuing me, because he likes metal music?

[LilacCatt]

A nice guy is pursuing me. I don't know him much yet, but he is nice so far.

Something that is making me have 2nd thoughts though... Is that he loves metal music.

I frigging hate metal music.

I like pop, rock, reggae, soul, house, disco, grunge, classical.... Anything but metal. I cant bear to listen to even 30 seconds of metal. To me, it sounds totally demonic. I cannot comprehend why someone would want to listen to that.

I spend a large portion of every day with music playing.

This guy says he listens to metal 80% of the time.

I'd love to meet someone who I can really vibe and dance with, and just enjoy listening to the same music together.

AIBU to dismiss a guy for his music tastes? Even if he is a nice guy, respectful, handsome, very sporty/muscly...?

Metal heads are the nicest guys I ever met and their female friends tend to be welcoming. Just my experience though!

In fact, it is important as politics to me and similarly I could not live with someone who did not have the same political outlook as I did.

Death metal literally has vocals that sound like someone growling, screaming, shouting, often to the point that you can't easily distinguish the words. It's not "singing" in the usual sense at all. It's very much a specific taste thing and musically I find it difficult personally when there isn't a melodic vocal. I like the guitar aspects of it though. Plenty of people like it for its rhythmical nature though.

It depends how important music is to you.

I like metal/goth/industrial. My DP lives in the 70s music wise. But we get on in other ways and that is what matters.

Well that’s pretty narrow minded of you isn’t it really.

Theres a whole ocean of things to like or not like about someone, but if music taste is top of your list then I’m sure thats great for you.

This.

I used to frequent metal clubs, and if you had any trouble, then you would get the back up from all the men in the club (and the trouble often came from people not into the music, but just wanted to get pissed in a club).
If you fell over in a mosh pit, several pairs of hands would be picking you up.
You fall over in a mainstream club... you will be getting filmed and put on SM.

When did people become so disposable? It's fair enough to not like someone for whatever reason and not pursue a relationship. But for something as petty as musical taste, if that's the only reason, then you can't like them that much in the first place.
I've always been pursued by men and had lots of choice in who I date, but it's rare that you find someone who is entirely perfect down to small things like musical taste. He might not like her choice in tv show, movies, comedy etc. Most people can get past that. If you want your prospective partner to have the exact same things you do, you're a control freak.

Oooh tough one!

I would usually be the first to say things like this don’t matter but actually this could be a deal breaker for me.

He’s not going to want your music playing and you’re not going to want his playing.

I would try and think of a compromise - a genre that you both find ok to listen to at home and then only listen to your own tastes when home alone or in the car alone etc?

Do you have other things in common? Tv, films, books, hobbies? Shared cultural references?

I would give him a chance.

Men who like metal are usually some of the nicest, most decent and respectful blokes out there. Something to think about.

Do you know what I would do, OP? I would have sex with him. (Provided you are both up for recreational sex with someone you are attracted to, before there are necessarily strong feelings involved).

I think once you have done that, you'll know what your feelings really are for this guy, and whether it is worth finding a work-around to the metal issue.....

Otherwise you may never know.....

It's always worked for me. I have to have sex with a person to know whether I am truly into them or not. Before that it's all a bit vague and fuzzy......

Metallers tend to be lovely guys, so your loss, but you can bin someone off for any reason or none really.

This. Look at his qualities, his values and morals plus his life goals. His music taste and dancing round the kitchen are really not that important in the grand scheme of things

This is literally what I want - evenings at home enjoying music together (and gigs too, of course), be that on the radio, or Spotify, or as you say BBC live shows. I find that so fun.

I'm glad you replied because I feel like I'm not the only one who feels this way so deeply, haha

PS thought you were really hating on the band James for a moment haha

My DH is a metalhead. I am an 80s girl.

When we first met I genuinely worried about the music he seemed to like and would listen to. Like you, I think it sounds demonic! I am much more into pop and easy listening (I recently saw Take That who were awesome)

We found some middle ground. He introduced me to pearl jam and he found a love for dire straits.

We tend to listen to rock when in the same room which is a middle ground for us but I know when he is plugged into headphones, the demonic music is playing 😛

He has mellowed with age and even ventured into a bit of old school Phil Collins. We also have young children now and he loves to play some of the heavier rock/softer metal to them and they all thrash around together. It's quite cute really!

If I'd have dismissed him out of hand 18 years ago I can't fathom all the good things I would have missed out on

My dh almost exclusively listens to Taylor swift, ed Sheeran and avril lavigne. (He is otherwise very stereotypically manly 😂) I always joke he has the music taste of a 13 year old girl.

we just use headphones, or try and find a common ground. E.g we both like fleetwood mac, it’s pretty inoffensive, so if we want to listen to music out loud/around each other we listen to that. It wouldn’t be our first choice if we were on our own but when we’re together it’s a compromise lol

🤣
I'm laughing, but I do think this is decent advice (within reason).

I did fancy him. But I'm not overly flirtatious or anything. Out of nowhere he started saying he can't sleep with anyone until he has emotional connection, etc. which is fine. But I was a bit like 🤨 because I hadn't even mentioned sex.

I thought this was his way of saying he didn't fancy me, but he's been pursuing me heavily since. So, a bit confusing.

Honestly I think I'm just not feeling it.

Huge metal fan!
I'm also a 90s boy band fan!
Love love love it!
Been with my husband since we were young teens.
He listens to a lot of 90s Brit pop, indie and the odd rock band. Both listen to a lot of music and respect that we have different tastes.
He has been to a metal concert with me (Metallica) very surprised how friendly and chilled everyone was....no one throwing cups of urine like the indie concerts.
I love dance, theatre etc.
He is football obsessed (season ticket the lot) I cant stand football!
But we get on very well and he is my best friend even after 21 years together. We have similar life goals, morals and outlook on life!

If you're going to not date with a perfectly nice man because of a different music interest then that's up to you. But you're never going to find someone who likes all the exact same things as you.

There is a saying...opposites attract.

I love metal and really want to know some of the songs he's sent you 😁

My husband doesn't love what I listen to (and I have music on ALL the time) but y'know, we survive.

I go to gigs with other people. It's fine. As long as he's not a music snob about it, there's no big issue really.

And gig wise we've been to Bon Jovi, Mark Knopfler, Eric Clapton, Film scores at the royal Albert hall, The Who and even Madonna

I've gone with friends to see more pop gigs and likewise metal for him

Honestly I think I'm just not feeling it.

I think that's the problem here, rather than his taste in music.

He likes Star Wars and Deadpool and Guardians of he Galaxy 😒

I like Parasite, La La Land, Eternal Sunshine...

Were basically opposites.

I don't even know what we would do together if having a night in.

We both like video games but I don't wanna do that all the time 🤨

I think so 🤦‍♀️
I wish it wasn't the case because he is really lovely.
Oh well!

What kind of metal are you talking about?
Metallica ,Megadeth ,
Or more thrash death metal. ?
The former is more mainstream.
I love rock music and Metallica etc I never really understood thrash ,death etc as it seemed to be more screaming ,but people like what they like and you don't have to like someone for any reason, but it doesn't define them.

I think it would put me off. I just wish I had a partner who only wants to watch reality TV but the likelihood of that happening is very low! Bonding over common interests seems like a good starting point though.

If your not feeling it that's fair enough ,I think his taste in music is probably irrelevant though .