There's absolutely nothing wrong with iPad at the table at a restaurant after a child centric day

[moomoomouseey]

Imagine a day, filled with child friendly activities on holiday. Think beach, biking sandcastles, swimming together, pool, diving, playgrounds, reading books together, drawing, child centred show in the evening, fun fair, trampoline jumping.. etc etc..

At the end of all this, you go out for a meal. You bring crayons and paper etc and other toys, but after a while, your children are restless and bored but you want to enjoy your meal. You get out the iPads with headphones and let your kids watch for a bit/ play educational games, while you enjoy your meal in peace.

Some judgy judgerpants walks past and thinks you're a bad parent.

Kids are 2 and 4 or 3 and 5.

Why so much judgement towards children using screens at the table when so many adults do the same thing? It's not what I want for my child, I personally don't use my phone at dinner. But I wouldn't judge anyone else.

Oh, give over

@moomoomouseey

Nothing wrong with it at all. Young children are hard work sometimes, even if they are relatively good or easy children. My 2 were honestly good kids, but very chatty and energetic, and it could be a tad overwhelming occasionally. Often we would play with them, draw with them, play board games, go for walks, go swimming, go to the woods, to the beach etc etc etc.

But every now and again, we'd feel a bit overwhelmed, and would pop them in front of the TV to watch a movie, OR let them play video games. (While me and DH chilled for a couple of hours!)

So, popping an ipad in a child's hands to entertain them for an hour or two (whilst you get a little break) is fine.

The other parent probably had just fought off their child wanting to use a screen. People have to bring up their children to not want everything others have or do.

I don’t let mine use them, apparently using screens, the blink rate decreases significantly. Normally, humans blink around 15-20 times per minute, but this rate can drop to 5-7 times per minute during screen use.
I have a problem with dry eyes, I don’t want my young children to have that

Do what you want as long as they aren't disturbing others with the noise (you aren't as they have headphones

Staring mindlessly at cartoons is totally different to colouring and reading books. Both of the latter help develop writing and literacy skills, and by definition tend to involve more parental engagement. That's why they do both activities at nursery and school rather than letting the kids watch things all day.

Children also tend to be less absorbed in them too, so more likely to engage in conversation and their surroundings.

They do benefit. They learn to communicate, they learn patience, they observe their surroundings, they’ll learn setting appropriate behaviour, they may notice something they wouldn’t if staring at a screen.

Children continuously learn through banal, small moments.

2 hours on an iPad?! Really?!

I do have tablets for my kids but there are very strict rules that they are only allowed on holidays (where we are away from home) and even then never at mealtimes because that’s when we talk to each other. However my kids are not the type to want to run around like crazy so I don’t judge people who need to do it to make their kids be still, I’m just thankful they aren’t letting them disrupt other people. I’d assume it was a last resort for them and the kids had some behaviour issues.

It’s completely ok and everyone used to think this up until quite recently.

So 1. I wasn't purely talking about a restaurant setting, OP describes a fully child-centric day, and my comment was regarding the fact that life does not need to revolve around the child. And 2. Colouring/drawing is a creative outlet. And from that article - "But the truth is that it’s okay for kids to be bored. In fact, boredom helps kids develop valuable skills, says clinical psychologist Stephanie Lee, PsyD. For starters, it helps kids build tolerance of less-than-ideal experiences. “Boredom might not be super distressing,” she explains, “but it’s not fun. Life requires us to manage our frustrations and regulate our emotions when things aren’t going our way, and boredom is a great way to teach that skill.” Learning how to sit and have a conversation over dinner is a super valuable skill! And they should learn that not everything is about them. God, if more people taught that from age 2 we might not have so many pain in the arse 25 year olds entering the workplace.

Before I was a parent I judged other parents for using screen time whilst in a restaurant.

Not obviously, but I always said I wouldn’t do it.

And I haven’t yet, but I will be taking a iPad on my toddlers first flight this month just in case becuase I’d much rather him sit quietly watching his iPad than scream and cry becuase he does not sit still. I’d get many more stares from that I can assure you!

I think either way people would judge. Kids causing havoc, moaning or trying to get off their seats - people stare and judge. Kids watching iPad - people stare and judge.

What has changed and when?

I don’t think sitting in front of a screen in restaurant teaches them how to sit without a screen in a restaurant, that’s all. They’re different skills. It takes practice to wait patiently, sit still, engage in conversation, etc., and I think screens interfere with those things.

Yes really, really really!

Nothing wrong with it now and again.

Are you OK @Rainbowsponge???

You seem really quite annoyed that other people parent differently to you.

Ours don’t do it much and have eaten out a lot ( and at some fairly upmarket places too) and they do learn to behave properly by not having an alternative. Quite honestly, I think we have also been quite lucky in our DC’s temperaments so I don’t get too judgy.

BUT I do recall a young waiter ( late teens/ early twenties?) saying to us very unctuously “can I just say how nice it is to see for once dc at a restaurant sitting up properly and not on a device.” And I do recall thinking “just you wait whippersnapper: the theory and the reality of parenting are two different things.”

I judge. See also toddlers in buggy's with parents phone so they can be ignored. I know we didn't have these things when mine were young but I also didn't have feral children carrying on in restaurants.

"Children need to learn to sit still and behave"

Well yes but also no.

My DD has ADHD and ASD. Sometimes over dinner after a long day she finds sitting still hard so her earphones and phone/ipad enables her to decompress and focus.

Would I think it's ok fine dining place? No, but I don't expect kids in that kind of place anyway.

So bored of these judgey parents with perfect, NT and compliant kids.

Flights are a completely different story. Screens/books/headphones are actively encouraged as a way to entertain yourself. It's just not comparable.

We didn’t tend to do that on holiday with our 2 year old, we brought and played with toys at the table (which who knows was maybe more annoying for fellow diners). However, we did have a 2 hour break at the hotel in the afternoon for lunch followed by a movie for downtime for us all, plus DD went to bed early so we could have a drink and chat on the terrace.

I don’t judge anyone for it though, not much different than our use of screen time for down time at the apartment.

I don't particularly enjoy spending time with kids constantly on phones/tablets. I went out with my friend and her nieces and they barely lifted their heads or spoke.

But sometimes all I want to do is mindlessly scroll on my phone if I'm tired or pissed off.

It's nice seeing families eat together at a table and enjoy spending time with each other. But that's not always possible for loads of reasons.

So yeah I try not to judge because we don't know them or their kids.

No headphones and fucking Bluey blasting out and I'll give you stink eye which you won't notice because you're probably an ignorant shit.

All the LOLz.

My 2 yo has never seen an ipad, my 7 yo knows not to ask for a mobile/tablet at the table.

That's my decision on how I parent my children though, nothing to do with anyone else. It shouldn't be anything to do with anyone else how you parent yours.

So? What business is it of yours if other parents give a child an electronic device to entertain them? Not your circus luv.

Also, lots and lots of families don't have a table at home to sit at. They don't have the space for family dinners. People work, have other commitments and don't sit down together.

I kind of think it's unfair on kids to expect them to know how to behave in a situation they're so rarely in.