There's absolutely nothing wrong with iPad at the table at a restaurant after a child centric day

[moomoomouseey]

Imagine a day, filled with child friendly activities on holiday. Think beach, biking sandcastles, swimming together, pool, diving, playgrounds, reading books together, drawing, child centred show in the evening, fun fair, trampoline jumping.. etc etc..

At the end of all this, you go out for a meal. You bring crayons and paper etc and other toys, but after a while, your children are restless and bored but you want to enjoy your meal. You get out the iPads with headphones and let your kids watch for a bit/ play educational games, while you enjoy your meal in peace.

Some judgy judgerpants walks past and thinks you're a bad parent.

Kids are 2 and 4 or 3 and 5.

Perfectly fine - provided they're using headphones, which they were.

If they hadn't been using headphones it would have been different, because that impacts on other people in the restaurant, but they're harming nobody by sitting quietly relaxing with some entertainment in a restaurant after a long day.

Very bad table manners

I wouldn’t comment but I don’t think it’s necessary. We went on holiday and it was everywhere tiny children staring at screens in restaurants. No interaction and not hearing anything going on around them.
One day we were sat at a table with 3 little children on one side colouring and what my teen calls an iPad kid on the other table and the difference was so stark.
Talk about your day, colour, do you want more juice v just plonking it in front of them. If they are so overtired then don’t go for a late evening meal.
It’s something that’s really changed. 10 yrs ago at same destination all kids menus came with crayons or bendy sticks to play with at table. These are child friendly restaurants so servers will interact with kids, lots to see and normal family chatter noise absolutely fine.

So how did our parents manage when we were todders, if they 'can't sit there'? Of course they can, it's just easier for you not to make them.

What did they say to you? I can’t imagine commenting on someone’s parenting in public. If they were berating you then they are the rude ones.

We don’t use iPads at a restaurant but I don’t care at all what others do (unless there aren’t headphone!!), I can’t imagine making a comment about it.

We don't do it but I don't judge others who do.

This reminds me of when my son was a newborn. I went out for a walk and he finally went to sleep so I put my earphones in to listen to a podcast. Within minutes, a woman walked over to tell me I should be engaging with my baby, not listening to music. I wish I'd told her to fuck off.

As long as the sound is off/head phones are being used. I couldn’t care less!

Absolutely fine. I have done and will do the same in the future.

YANBU OP.

According to mumsnet it seems the absolute worst thing you could ever do if let your child look at a screen in public.

Mine are still very little but I will stop it being allowed once they are old enough to actually engage while sitting at the table / have the ability to emotionally regulate re: being made to sit still.

I have recently been on holiday and some days my toddler could sit at dinner playing with a couple of toys, others we used a few cartoons on Netflix to stop them trying to get up / escape / play in the road etc.

I think people are massively judgemental about it, when only really having a snapshot of the families day.

Absolutely fine. People get judgey for the weirdest reasons 🙄
I'm sorry you have been made to feel bad; a lot of Mumsnetters seem to have really thick skin I think, and don't let stuff like this bother them, but being judged / shamed in public would really upset me.

Did they actually judge or is this one of those 'the world is picking on me and someone walking past gives me issues'

Failing to see the problem, it keeps the kids quiet and happy.

I agree. Everything is so extreme now - either hyper focussed on kids, or SCREEN TIME. It’s all too much for their brains, constantly in a state of excitement and dopamine hits. It feels like the adults ricochet between being the best Instagram parent ever by spending £££ on fancy days out, or ‘needing a break’ and wheeling out tablets to disengage from the children completely. It’s a cycle which feeds into itself and means kids become less and less able to play independently.

I posted the other day to say I’ve thrown the towel in on modern parenting and have revisited what my parents did in the 90s. Kids just weren’t constantly stimulated then - we had toys and books and pottered around as parents did jobs or had a beer in the garden. We chatted as we went, big days out were a treat, we went together on dog walks/church or errands. Less pressure on me, less dopamine crashes for them, less expectation and disappointment. I’ve never had to wrangle a tablet off my kids because they’ve never had one.

It didn’t used to happen, but that’s because iPads didn’t exist so when eating out with young kids adults wouldn’t have been able to really enjoy the meal by having adult conversation and once the kids had finished eating they would have paid up and left. If having the kids on iPads means they can sit for an extra half an hour whilst you finish the meal off with coffee and conversation I don’t see an issue in that. Obviously it’s different if kids are given iPads on immediate arrival to a restaurant and stay on them whilst eating etc, but if towards the end of the meal once the kids have finished and start getting restless giving an iPad means you can stay a little longer rather than immediately leave then I don’t see an issue with that.

I'd tell those judging that you do this so that THEY, and other guests, can have a quiet and undisturbed meal.

However, you'll happily take the iPad etc away and allow the kids to disturb people's meal!

My kids never had iPads in restaurants. Sorry if I sound judgy but you did ask.

"after a while, your children are restless and bored but you want to enjoy your meal."

I get it (and I certainly wouldn't say anything to a parent at the end of their tether who was doing this!)... but at the same time... you chose to have children, and it's perfectly possible to teach children to behave themselves in restaurants.

Regularly relying on iPads to keep your kids quiet so you can have 'adult time' is a bit of a cop out, really.

iPads/ tablets certainly have their time and place, for absolute emergencies, long haul flights/ train rides etc. and I wouldn't mind using them in a more relaxed family cafe/ pub like a Harvester or something.

But in a restaurant, personally, I just wouldn't. I would put time and effort into teaching my kids how they need to behave, even if I was tired and wanted to 'enjoy my meal' - the kids are more important and they need to learn social skills. It's not OK for me to pull out an iPad and watch Love Island if I get bored in a restaurant, so it's not really helpful to teach kids that it's OK.

And if they are too young to behave themselves in a restaurant, personally I just wouldn't go. Go to a family friendly pub/ cafe instead where it will be more relaxed.

I think it's a necessity at the end of a long day sometimes. It didn't happen in the 1980's or whatever because the technology didn't exist and I hardly remember eating out as a kid (we were poor though so maybe that's my own experience only)

What I don't like is seeing babies/toddlers glued to screens in pushchairs. It's normal for kids to be a bit bored on public transport or waiting for something. I don't think the solution should always be putting a screen in front of them.

We didn't do it, or have mobile phones at the table.

Relying on electronics for constant entertainment didn't strike us as desirable.

But each to their own, if you find it useful. You do you. We're all different and so are our kids

Of course it's fine. I'm sure most people let their kids watch TV some of the time. I remember watching Crown Court as a toddler in the 70s! What's the difference?

The OP clearly pointed out that her children used headphones.

Why is 'placating with screens' any different from placating a child with a colouring book, or a toy, or a dummy, or any of the other billion things parents use to entertain/soothe a bored child so they can get a minute's peace? It entertained a child in a pleasant and harmless way for a while so everyone could eat dinner in peace.

Mumsnet is so, so weird about 'screens' and just thinks any screen-based activity is bad and wrong and harmful, regardless of what it is and when it's happening.

Also perhaps they were tired and after a full on day like that - why not take them back to the hotel or whatever and not to a restaurant.

I agree. Surely colouring is an occupying activity too. Yes technically can talk and join in but a lot of kids don't.

People who are saying it didn't happen 20 years ago. My Aunt said they just couldn't eat out. They just didn't go. ND kids.

We should stop judging others unless you know the full story but even then don't.

@Jk987

No. Just pointing out that it didn't happen in the past. In my own childhood because iPads didn't exist and my DC's because it isn't necessary. It's a choice. The OP made her choice. I made mine.

They probably didn’t go out for meals and sit in restaurants.

I had a game boy and a CD player as a kid that I took places (we travelled a lot).

If you really want my toddler sitting sobbing in a high chair while I pin them down so they can’t escape, then so be it, but generally I think it’s easier to just let them watch Peppa Pig for twenty minutes and not ruin everyone else’s meal.

The idea that parents need to be actively engaging with their children 100% of the time is a bit of a modern phenomenon IMO. And a lot of rose-tinted spectacles…!