There's absolutely nothing wrong with iPad at the table at a restaurant after a child centric day

[moomoomouseey]

Imagine a day, filled with child friendly activities on holiday. Think beach, biking sandcastles, swimming together, pool, diving, playgrounds, reading books together, drawing, child centred show in the evening, fun fair, trampoline jumping.. etc etc..

At the end of all this, you go out for a meal. You bring crayons and paper etc and other toys, but after a while, your children are restless and bored but you want to enjoy your meal. You get out the iPads with headphones and let your kids watch for a bit/ play educational games, while you enjoy your meal in peace.

Some judgy judgerpants walks past and thinks you're a bad parent.

Kids are 2 and 4 or 3 and 5.

We've done it on holiday after eating when DH and I want to relax a bit and finish drinks.

I couldn't care less about what random strangers think of my parenting.

My DC have limited screen tile and are very active, bit sometimes the while family needs to have some chill out time.

I have a ND child and devices/headphones are a godsend!

They allow us to eat out as a family occasionally. Sometimes we don't use them but they are there in case the child (now a teen) becomes overwhelmed by noise etc. They calm him and allow him to stay at the table a little longer so his parents and siblings can continue to eat together.

I'm absolutely sure we are judged for it, but at this point I tend to judge the judgers right back for being so clueless about disability.

Letting a child have an iPad in a restaurant is very child centric. You're pandering to what the child wants to do and what is easiest, rather than teaching them to sit quietly even if they might be a bit bored.

We didn’t get taken out for meals as children. Most holidays were self-catering, so DM cooked. We occasionally went to McDonalds, which had a play area, and Little Chef if we were driving somewhere on holiday (which also had a play area outside which we were left in unsupervised while our parents enjoyed their meal).

Totally different to now, where we often go for Sunday lunch in a pub, or eat in places like Real Greek or Prezzo on holiday.

@Screamingabdabz The Benefits of Boredom - Child Mind Institute

Why Boredom Benefits Kids and How to Cultivate It This Summer - The New York Times (nytimes.com)

What did the person walking past say to you OP?

I was a 70s baby and no, we weren't entertained with iPads because they didn't exist, but I have very vivid memories of being in a pushchair looking at a Disney Jungle Book comic and eating Jelly Tots in a cafe while my mum was having lunch with her friend. I'm pretty sure those Disney comics and Jelly Tots from the newsagent were serving exactly the same purpose as an iPad would have done, and that if an iPad with toddler-appropriate entertainment had existed in 1978 my mum would happily have let me look at one.

I’ve not got evidence as such; but I have noticed a decrease in imaginary play in dc these days. It’s seen as silly or babyish. It was my lifeblood till 10 or 11. We do let ours have devices at times but less than many and so many parents and teachers have commented on how creative and imaginative our dc are. You have to practice things - even using your imagination.

OP in this circumstance ( long day; you and DH trying to relax) I’d let them have it after the main course provided they behave and partake properly until then. Then you can all relax completely over dessert and long coffees. I wouldn’t let them at home.

Personally I’ve never allowed it but I would say we have had some very tough meals where we’ve had to exit early or have someone pacing up and down outside. However, I think that has been worth it as it’s now genuinely pleasant to go out with my 5 and 8 year olds and they behave beautifully in restaurants and are quite happy to have a chat or do a bit of colouring.

On holiday kids are often eating out much later and are a bit overtired. I’d much rather be next to a kid on a tablet with headphones than be sat next to a kid crying or chucking food. It’s not my place to judge as each family will be doing what works for them.

For everyone saying ‘I don’t care what anyone else does’, I do.

Child/teen mental health has never been worse, we have scary CAMHS waiting lists and clear evidence that tablets and excessive screen use (which interferes with normal communication) is damaging on every level, from babies through to teens.

Of course someone will leap up and say ‘yeah right like 10 minutes on a tablet would give a kid a mental health issue’ but in every case I know where the parent would say ‘oh they only use it for 10 minutes a day’ it’s actually a LOT more. I think if they actually timed it, they would shock themselves. And the reliance creeps up on you.

I’ve been convinced for a while now a lot of teen ‘anxiety’ is just screen withdrawal when they’re sat in school and can’t just use their phone as much as they want. And there’s emerging research they’re strongly correlated with speech delays and sensory issues.

It’s become a societal issue now rather than a person one tbh

Hi from Judgy Judgerpants

You do what you see fit with your kids OP.

But yes, total judgement from me for using them with kids under 5, I think it's awful to see them with electronics at the table at that age.

People will always judge for something that's different to how they do things, it's just how it goes. Your reaction to it though suggests that you are bothered as you know it's not great yourself and your just looking agreement to appease your own guilt.

I would definitely judge.

I honestly couldn't give a shit so long as your kids are not being disruptive.

Fine, except I have genuinely never actually seen anyone doing this with headphones. Invariably they think it is ok to have the volume up.

There is nothing wrong with this occasionally especially if the children have finished their food. I don't agree with ipads while eating.

I did see one really disturbing incident involving an ipad when sitting at a table in the airport. A couple sitting next to us with a child around 3yrs old proceeded to remove the ipad to let the child concentrate on his food. You could have have herad his screaming a mile away. I felt so sorry for him. He was obviously addicted as it happened every time the parents intervened. Eventually they were so embarrassed they left him to it. Needless to say they'd have had one hungry child on the plane and no doubt a repeat of the same scenario. There is absolutely no excuse to allow ipads to become an addiction.

Personally we don't use tablets when eating out but we are lucky that our dcs seem quite happy without one. Eating out is a bit of a novelty as we don't do it that often. Our holidays are entirely child-centred and we prefer to relax in a home environment doing self catering (but often a takeaway) after a busy day of activities.

Excellent point from Rainbowsponge

"
I’ve been convinced for a while now a lot of teen ‘anxiety’ is just screen withdrawal when they’re sat in school and can’t just use their phone as much as they want. And there’s emerging research they’re strongly correlate"

100% agree. Meals are for conversations, children need to learn how to sit still and behave even if they are a bit bored. At least you gave them headphones though. I get really annoyed when you can hear what the child is watching.

People like to judge, I wouldn’t take too much notice. We generally don’t allow screens at the table, however have done in certain circumstances. Like driving back from holiday, we were all knackered and had to stop for food halfway back. Kids were allowed then, I’m sure some people would have judged. One of the DCs has autism though so I’ve probably developed quite a thick skin when it comes to the opinions of strangers.

I'm with the judgmental parents!!!

I don’t care what people chose to do as long as the sound is off or the kids are wearing headphones. iPads with the sound on in a restaurant, plane etc is completely unacceptable and very rude to other guests.

No child benefits from sitting bored at a table. At home it might encourage them to find ways to amuse themselves but in a restaurant just sitting there bored and hungry they're more likely just to be silly/miserable/loud/crying or trying to run off.

I would 100% rather see a child behaving well at a restaurant with an ipad with headphones, then ones where they're running round the restaurant, crying when they're caught, refusing to sit still, shouting and making a fuss.

I never went on a plane or to a restaurant as a child in the 70's/80's, it's a completely different world now and ipads can be a god send when you need a child to sit quietly and just wait.

I wouldn’t be bothered about anyone else doing it, as long as headphones are being used. I don’t do it (DC now 7&4) and never have. We don’t have iPads or tablets so they wouldn’t think to ask for them.
We have been taking them out to eat since they were babies. Hard and a lot less enjoyable when they were small toddlers (think constant colouring / drawing / reading and no adult conversation!) but for the last year or so it has been fine. They will happily sit for 3 courses, as long as we have some pens / paper etc. We are all chatting / playing games (hangman, eye spy) etc as a family between courses.
I’m very aware this would likely be different if either of my children were ND, and know how useful iPads etc are for friends kids who need to regulate / take some time out.

well, it IS bad parenting, and totally inappropriate, but at least it is quiet

Boredom benefits kids in situations where they can go off and make their own entertainment. That means an afternoon at home in the school holidays or an activity-free weekend or an evening after school, when they can go and play or be creative or find things to do that haven't been organised for them. That's when boredom gives kids an outlet for independence and creativity.

It doesn't mean that boredom is good for children when they aren't able, or aren't allowed, to find a way of alleviating it - such as when they need to sit still and stay quiet in a restaurant while other people are eating, or when they're in the waiting room at the doctors, or on a plane. In those sorts of situations, when there's nothing to do or look at, a child benefits from some entertainment - in the same way that any adult would.