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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to contribute money towards a wedding present collection

129 replies

beaniesteve · 14/04/2008 15:59

for some random woman in my department?

Another person has sent an email round saying she'll be coming round to collect money for a wedding gift. A couple of months ago I was sent an email asking me to the hen night (the email went to all the female staff in the dept) - I didn't go as I thought it was a bit odd.

I don't work with this woman though we are in the same department. I don't know her, I have never met her husband. I don't want to contribute frankly. I have enough people in my family having birthdays and getting married thank you.

Thing is I know that if I don't then it will get round and everyone will bitch about it.

what do you do in situations like this?

OP posts:
hana · 14/04/2008 16:00

just drop some change in or a pound

hattyyellow · 14/04/2008 16:03

Isn't the time honoured way of doing collections to pass an envelope around the desks and get you to tick your name off when you've signed card/given contribution if you want? So no one knows what anyone has given, just the total amount collected? That's what I've always seen done..

Will she seriously be standing in front of you waiting for you to put the money in her hand?!

YABU - I think it's up to you if you give or not and how much you give. If it was a close colleague or a small team I would give a donation. How big is your department?

Original poster
beaniesteve · 14/04/2008 16:05

but I don't want to give any money. I'm not her friend, I don't even work near her and it really makes me quite annoyes that there is this assumption that I would want to contribute. Is that unreasonable?

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 14/04/2008 16:06

whats wrong with giving a pound?

hattyyellow · 14/04/2008 16:08

Meant to say YANBU not YABU..head not all there today!

Original poster
beaniesteve · 14/04/2008 16:08

the department has about 25 people in it, but we are all split up. I work closely with 3 other people in one office.

OP posts:
hana · 14/04/2008 16:08

£1 isn't going to make or break anyone

but if you're really hacked off about it, you need to bring the ethos of collecting for special occasions up at a team meeting and put your views forward.

Original poster
beaniesteve · 14/04/2008 16:09

"whats wrong with giving a pound? "

imagine I had to give a pound every time someone had some kind of celebration, bithday, baby etc.

I have no issue at all giving money towards leaving gifts as I think they are a proper departmental thing but for someone elses wedding?!?

OP posts:
BBBee · 14/04/2008 16:10

put a pound in and then raise it as an issue at a staff meeting not specifically related to her but as a general office problem.

Dropdeadfred · 14/04/2008 16:11

But on your birthday they would do the same for you....i guess you could officially opt out and state you do not want including in any collections...seems a bit mean though

hattyyellow · 14/04/2008 16:13

I would at least put a £ in.

Iota · 14/04/2008 16:13

if you really don't know thios woman and don't want to give, do you think any of your colleagues will feel the same - ask them .

perhaps loads of people will agree with you, but are to shy to be the first one to take a stand

purpleduck · 14/04/2008 16:14

I reckon just give a pound or 2, then feel magnanimous forever more

If you all stopped giving presents etc, wouldn't that make work a little bit grey?

Maybe think of the Bigger Picture?

Chequers · 14/04/2008 16:15

Message withdrawn

Original poster
beaniesteve · 14/04/2008 16:19

no - they don't do collections for birthday, at least they didn't do one for me!

I think that leaving presents - fine.
Weddings etc... no thanks!

OP posts:
VictorianSqualor · 14/04/2008 16:23

I remember when someone at my work wouldn't give a pound for our bosses 60th birthday.
She will forever be known as stingy sarah.
I mean £1? Like you said it's not done for general birthdays, who many times do people really get married?

SpiritualKnot · 14/04/2008 16:24

I wouldn't give anything...certainly wouldn't expect someone I didn't know to contribute to a present for me.

Wouldn't raise it at a staff meeting...these things are voluntary and not part of work..

SK

hifi · 14/04/2008 16:24

how about ten bob then?

Dragonbutter · 14/04/2008 16:26

YANBU, I can't stand collections.

Dropdeadfred · 14/04/2008 16:27

God, if you're not going to get asked for birthday contributions all the time, why not just put in a £ and wish her well?

SheWillBeLoved · 14/04/2008 16:28

They make a big fuss over birthdays/births/weddings etc in my workplace, and to be honest - if I don't know them, I don't contribute.

And if I do know them well enough to be getting gifts, I buy my own card and gift for them, rather than watch my wages go towards something which 99% of the time turns out to be an overly expensive 'box of flowers' and a cheap card from the newsagents.

I understand where you're coming from, it is frustrating asking to give money for someone you don't know. I always think of it as "Imagine my neighbour a few doors down who I nod good morning to now and again, asking me for money for her friends birthday".

If you aren't comfortable donating - then don't. Just say you've only come out with your bank card or your handbag was savaged by a pack of hungry dogs on your way into work as you swiftly kick it under your desk

Aimsmum · 14/04/2008 16:32

Message withdrawn

SueW · 14/04/2008 16:35

We used to have opt in birthday fund at my old place.

You opted in at the beginning of the year and were paired with someone whose birthday was about 6 months away from yours. As someone's birthday approached, their 'partner' would go round and collect a pound from everyone who was in the birthday club.

When it was your birthday, your partner collected for you and handed over the dosh. There were about 30 people in our club - it was quite nice to get £30 on my birthday

Chequers · 14/04/2008 16:43

Message withdrawn

rookiemater · 14/04/2008 18:30

So is the person organising the collection meant to specifically make sure it only goes to people who know this lady. YABU it's a wedding, a time for celebration.

If you don't want to contribute then say nowt but hand it on to the next person, whatever you do don't make a big song and dance about it. If you don't want to draw any attention to yourself put in your £1.00 and sign your name.