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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to contribute money towards a wedding present collection

129 replies

beaniesteve · 14/04/2008 15:59

for some random woman in my department?

Another person has sent an email round saying she'll be coming round to collect money for a wedding gift. A couple of months ago I was sent an email asking me to the hen night (the email went to all the female staff in the dept) - I didn't go as I thought it was a bit odd.

I don't work with this woman though we are in the same department. I don't know her, I have never met her husband. I don't want to contribute frankly. I have enough people in my family having birthdays and getting married thank you.

Thing is I know that if I don't then it will get round and everyone will bitch about it.

what do you do in situations like this?

OP posts:
Jahan · 14/04/2008 19:30

I would give a £.
Its not every day someone gets married. I think its a lovely that they'll recieve something from the dept.

ChicaLovesHerLocalGreengrocer · 14/04/2008 19:39

If you have the option of giving however much you want, or not giving then that's fine. I don't think YABU about this.

In one place I worked, there was an awful system in place. When the secretary had her baby, one of her close colleagues announced at staff meeting: 'We're getting Mary a buggy. It costs XX euros, so everyone needs to give Y.' And they came around, collected it and ticked off our names. I think it was something like 6 euros, so at the time 4 pounds more or less. Not really an easily lost amount for some people.

WigWamBam · 14/04/2008 19:47

She's getting married. Occasions don't come much more special than that.

Interesting how you don't mind leaving collections when the person is going off to another firm and probably a better salary, but begrudge doing it for the happiest day of someone's life.

Stick 50p in the envelope if a pound is too much, and wish her well. A few good wishes is surely not too much to ask for, and you make yourself sound rather mean-minded if you begrudge her a few pence.

Oblomov · 14/04/2008 19:55

God mumsnet is becoming so ungracious.
No tiping a waitress.
No collection for a wedding ?
What kind of people are we ? What kind of place do you work?
Christ I'm glad I don't work there. I like the people I work with. we have a dept collection for birthday cards. We buy/make cakes. Birthdays are big in our dept. We occassionally go out for a lunchtime curry a couple of times a year.
I really like the people I work with. I may not specifically choose them as freinds, if I didn't actually work witht them, but hey.
God you lot are so miserable.
Put a couple of quid in, for fucks sake.

Oblomov · 14/04/2008 19:57

AND, I wen to visi my mil at the weekend. We went out for fish and chips. And we all agrreed that the were one of th best we had ever had. I left all the coins I had in my purse asa tip. The girl had been more than pleassant and the food had been great. I think I left about £3.60. The bill only came to £24.90 for 4 of us.
Now that is decent tipping.

HereComeTheGirls · 15/04/2008 07:03

In my office we are regularly told to contribute and an amount is SPECIFIED which can be £10 or £20, which especially annoys me if its to buy a special Xmas present for my mean tight fisted boss!!! YANBU

Original poster
beaniesteve · 15/04/2008 08:15

Oblomov - thing is, I don't work with her. The woman doing the collection does, I don't. I guess I feel like it's a subtle form of emotional blackmail.

I won't be contributing.

OP posts:
amidaiwish · 15/04/2008 08:23

just don't then.
why is this such a big deal?

DirtySexyMummy · 15/04/2008 08:33

You are mean and tight. And unreasonable.

You really grudge a couple of quid to some newlyweds?

You do work with her, she is in your department so you do work with her. I don't. You do. You might not talk to her, but you do work with her, and it is courteous, and a nice thing to do to stick in a donation to her wedding gift.

'imagine I had to give a pound every time someone had some kind of celebration, bithday, baby etc.'
Er, yeah?! Whats that going to be, at most £30 a year? That includes £1 for each of the 24 people you work with, and £6 to allow for the weddings and birthdays. Out of 25, its unlikely to be 6 a year, so you might even get some change.

Stop being tight and stick in a pound!

amidaiwish · 15/04/2008 08:35

far less than that...
no birthday collections apparently
just weddings, babies, leaving. at most i would say 5 a year?

littlelapin · 15/04/2008 08:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DirtySexyMummy · 15/04/2008 08:38

So not even including birthdays, so, really a few pounds a year?!

Tight tight tight..

___

Thanks Lapin. Its new. I changed name.. we have spoken many times..

OrmIrian · 15/04/2008 08:42

Just pass the envelope on. We get envelopes for everyone in the company for big occasions. I don't give unless I know and like the person TBH.Why would they want me to?

littlelapin · 15/04/2008 08:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DirtySexyMummy · 15/04/2008 08:55

Ooh, I really can't say i'm afraid..

littlelapin · 15/04/2008 08:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dropdeadfred · 15/04/2008 09:15

jeez, who cares if you don't 'know her'...wish her well and give a £1....

Original poster
beaniesteve · 15/04/2008 09:47

So if I decide I don't want to contribute to a present for a virtual stranger then I am tight?

So basically I am right, if I don't do this then the rest of the dept or at the very least the woman doing the collection will think I am tight?

Flippin heck, even more determined not to contribute now!

Am I alone in thinking that a gift should be a personal and private thing and I should not be persuaded to contribute because of the pressure of people thinking I might be tight?

I have no objection at all to contributing to birthday/leaving presents for people I am friends with but for weddings, babyshowers etc for every tom dick and harry...
sorry but no thanks!

OP posts:
RubySlippers · 15/04/2008 09:49

give a £1 - no harm done

Not worth getting so het up about

perhaps when you are celebrating, and there is a collection for something special for you, you may regret not sticking a quid in?

madamez · 15/04/2008 09:55

Actually, there is no reason why the OP should give money to someone he doesn;t know and doesn't give a toss about. How do all those of you sentimental whiners calling him names know that he and his family aren't on the sort of hideous tight budget where even £1 makes a difference?
I don't mind people going round with envelopes to collect, but I think it's a bit much to make people tick off their names or specify how much they have to give and wouldn't give to anything like that on principle (though if I liked the person in question I might well buy them a card or a gift myself).
And it is worth getting het up about, actually. A workplace culture of emotional blackmail and sentimentality is not one to encourage.

HereComeTheGirls · 15/04/2008 10:01

I agree..it seems every week there is an envelope in my drawer at work with an amount on it ..usually no less than £5, with a list of names and ticks...I hate it, and we can't always afford it, but you feel emotionally blackmailed into it..

Saturn74 · 15/04/2008 10:01

No reason why you should contribute if you don't want to.
Just tell the person collecting the money that you have made your own arrangements.

You are not being unreasonable - why should you put money in for someone you don't know?

Having said that, I would probably bung in a pound for an easy life, and then spend the rest of the day begrudging the woman because I could only afford a piece of toast for my lunch.

Original poster
beaniesteve · 15/04/2008 10:06

"perhaps when you are celebrating, and there is a collection for something special for you, you may regret not sticking a quid in? "

I don't give to receive, I give because I care for the people I am giving to.

OP posts:
Original poster
beaniesteve · 15/04/2008 10:06

oh and I am a she

OP posts:
ecoworrier · 15/04/2008 10:07

I think she is being perfectly reasonable. Why should anyone be forced to donate to anything. It's not about the money, although how do you all know £1 isn't a large amount of money to her?

The best way is if it is an envelope being passed around, then you just choose whether to contribute or not, and pass it on.

Working in an office environment means there are collections for just about everything and everyone.

And what about all those people begging for sponsorship, when again you probably don't know them or even worse it's their children or their friend's children or someone they know...

I think any gift-buying or donating to anything must be a personal decision.