Sister keeps asking when I will move my family out of my parents’ house

[KindNavyJoker]

Dh and I emigrated back to the UK with the kids after living abroad for 5 years. I have 3 young children aged 5,3 and 1.

Whilst dh and I get situated we are staying with my parents. We are lucky that they live in a beautiful home a short walking distance from a lovely high st. And the train into London is only a short walk away. My parents encouraged dh and I to enjoy the summer with them before jumping into setting up house. I appreciate this a lot.

It’s going well. I do my best to be a good house guest and so do my kids and dh.

Anyway, my sister was visiting (dropped off her kids for free babysitting before buggering off to pub) and whilst we were having a drink very directly started asking about my plans. And how I don’t want to take the piss etc. She pointed out how messy the living/diner/kitchen was ie cluttered with toys. But tbh I don’t see how this is relevant to her. I make sure to tidy up before my parents return from work.

I think us being here is more inconvenient for my sister as she has lost her second space. She had my nephew’s birthday party at my parents house - in the main space my kids and I spend most of our time. Didn’t even bother to ask me. Just announced it.

AIBU in thinking I am doing absolutely nothing wrong. My parents suggested exactly what I am doing.

We are having a great Summer after a stressful move before having to move to a cheaper, less picturesque area most likely.

Don't be ridiculous. The OP is living there at the invitation of her parents!! Her sister unilaterally (or in consultation with the parents) decided to take over a room that the OP has been allocated for her family's use!

Get off her back!

The child has to go to school somewhere! Do you want them to be without a school place entirely?!

You're the author of a lot of them!

I mean, I really couldn’t care less.. do you honestly think mostly strangers would?

I honestly don't know what all the whinging is about from those who are yapping about the OP having got her child into a school near her parents' house when it may not be in their catchment area!

Only thing that makes me think that this isn’t Caroline is that I don’t think Caroline is self aware enough to ask for anyone’s input, but maybe she came here expecting everyone to blow smoke up her arse (as usual)

Jesus, do some people just sit waiting for a new thread with their claws sharpened? It really flabbergasts me how mean people can be to a total stranger.

I also wondered this. My parents used to moan to me about my sister when she lived at home but wouldn't say anything to her.

Yep, pretty much.

THey have nothing else. Sad isnt it?

@Runnerinthenight correct! That's why I'm not surprised 🙄

Because it’s a well-known, well-used, cheat to get your DC into nice schools, at the expense of actual local children.

So yes - I couldn’t care less if OP’s DC doesn’t get a place anywhere.

She has changed sides as there are more bitches than not tonight.....its the school hols....

I've no idea why you are trying to suggest I am agreeing with you, because I am absolutely not!!

OP my mum and I have a very close relationship. I adore her and we tell each other everything. My children adore her and vice versa. She frequently looks after them. I'm a single parent and I know if we ever needed to stay at her house temporarily that would be fine. In fact we have discussed doing exactly that when I have some home improvements (kitchen etc.) done.

However whilst my mum would welcome us for a few weeks I know it would be stressful for her and strain our relationship temporarily. My dc are 9 and 6, so they are school age, and there are 3 of us.

There are 5 of you, and your dc are much younger, and I imagine your parents house must feel very chaotic right now. Your plans about "looking at houses" sound very vague - assuming you are hoping to buy a property, you could be at your parents' house for months more. Buying a property can take 6 months or longer from offer to completion, and you haven't found one yet.

It is very easy to take in family members and end up feeling like lodgers in your own home, particularly if there are more of them than the actual owners of the house!

If I were you, I think I'd take the hint from your sister and start looking to move out.

It pisses me off too - DC2's best friend's parents used the grandparents' address to get her into the school (over-subscribed!) nearest to their home, so they could do childcare.

In this case though, I don't know where else the OP could apply? They don't have a permanent address? Their child needs to go to school?

While you lived abroad for all those years, the rest of your family got on with their own lives here in the UK and probably developed new habits that didn't include you or your husband and children.

Of course you turning up as a group of 5 people parked in your parents house is going to change every interaction between your parents and their other children if you are hanging around the house for months on end.

I'd want to know when you were going to get out of the way so things could go back to normal too if I couldn't even see my own parent without you thinking you get input into that.

They are her parents too, not everything is about you.

@Runnerinthenight calm down and read both of our posts, you'll then understand that in no way would you and I agree.

Your anger is making you unable to comprehend what I'm saying.

Very bizarre comments on this thread.
I moved back to the U.K. a while back with 1 child in tow and another in the oven.
Thank gawd OH came back before me and sorted out a place to live and then went back to get me and child.

I would have loved to have had family to pick us up and envelope us in a nice house and their love for a few months whilst we found our feet.

It was tough. No family nearby. Luckily we had friends to help us get re-established but it was tough.

So OP. Enjoy this time. Will be gone soon enough. Oldest in school. Others In childcare and parents back at the grindstone. Lovely. Not.
Living in the UK is tough.

And your sister may have had her nose popped out of place by your taking up space. However you will all wriggle about and refind your places again and all will be well.

Enjoy summer!

Is it someone who moved from the US? Who is quite a big influencer ?

I think you’re both being unfair to each other. You are criticising her for “free childcare” and she is criticising you for “free lodgings”. Perhaps you can both accept that you get support from your parents but it’s different. Being treated fairly doesn’t always mean it’s equal.

No idea why you think I'm angry? Actually I am not interested in what you think.

Well I was with you up to:
“She had my nephew’s birthday party at my parents house - in the main space my kids and I spend most of our time. Didn’t even bother to ask me. Just announced it”

So yes YABU

You both sound bitter and judgemental of each other.

Caroline's had a wine or a hard cider 😂

She'll take away from this not that she's in the wrong but that people know of her, as usual. Famous babes.

You don't need a permanent address you can use the address you are living at at the time if that's where you genuinely live..kid has to start school regardless to ppl finding their house.