Sister keeps asking when I will move my family out of my parents’ house

[KindNavyJoker]

Dh and I emigrated back to the UK with the kids after living abroad for 5 years. I have 3 young children aged 5,3 and 1.

Whilst dh and I get situated we are staying with my parents. We are lucky that they live in a beautiful home a short walking distance from a lovely high st. And the train into London is only a short walk away. My parents encouraged dh and I to enjoy the summer with them before jumping into setting up house. I appreciate this a lot.

It’s going well. I do my best to be a good house guest and so do my kids and dh.

Anyway, my sister was visiting (dropped off her kids for free babysitting before buggering off to pub) and whilst we were having a drink very directly started asking about my plans. And how I don’t want to take the piss etc. She pointed out how messy the living/diner/kitchen was ie cluttered with toys. But tbh I don’t see how this is relevant to her. I make sure to tidy up before my parents return from work.

I think us being here is more inconvenient for my sister as she has lost her second space. She had my nephew’s birthday party at my parents house - in the main space my kids and I spend most of our time. Didn’t even bother to ask me. Just announced it.

AIBU in thinking I am doing absolutely nothing wrong. My parents suggested exactly what I am doing.

We are having a great Summer after a stressful move before having to move to a cheaper, less picturesque area most likely.

Same -they both nailed it

I think it depends on the parents whether they find their adult children living with them stressful. My PIL really want to live with us (although we won't be moving together as it'll drive me crazy). My MIL was forever suggesting (when we wanted to upsize our house) to just sell and move in with them. We can then decide our next steps. However, DH and I both know they would never let us and the kids leave if we moved in so we politely declined their offer. Even now in the new place, they're constantly in and out of our house.

Yeah I'm from Ireland and families help each other out. Not unreasonable to hear of people staying with parents when buying a house or waiting for a rental etc. to save money. There's an awful lot of jealous siblings on this thread.

Sorry off point here

Did Caroline's sister ask her when she was moving out?

😂😂😂Oh stop it. 'Definitely'. Really? And how would you possibly know that?

implied

And what's it got to do with the other sister that OP is staying there? She was invited by her own parents. So the same applies to the other sister...absolutely none of her business.

My moaning mil with the son who moved in with his family for a while are Irish. She is happy to help but it doesn't mean she doesn't find it really difficult going from living alone to living with a family of 4. Nobody is saying the parents don't love them and want to help but surely it would be rare for a family with 3 very young kids to move in with you and everyone find it easy and lovely, it's a massive change for everyone.

YANBU to stay at your parents seeing they said you should.
YABU to think she needs to ask you to host a party, it's your parents she should have asked.
To be fair your parents sound very generous and laid back, allowing her to host birthdays and for you to stay for the summer.
She sounds jealous, like you are homing in on her nice easy life being able to have your parents babysit and using their house as she wants.
When she says anything, just remind her your parents asked you to stay, and you will be moving once a house is sorted out.

Yeah this comment comes across as you don't like your sister and regardless what anyone says you'll still not like her.

As others have said, she doesn't need to ask you as its not your house.

And it sounds like she's looking out for your parents. She dropped her kids off for babysitting and pointed out how messy it was. I assume your parents were there to babysit so the house was a mess while parents were there?

@Greencustard so they're both wrong? But only one is on here whinging ........

So she's asked AIBU?

Yes she is!

You’re doing nothing wrong if your parents are fine with this but I don’t see why your sister should have had to ask you if she could have her kid’s party there. It’s not your house! You’re both presumably welcome there as far as your parents are concerned.

If you're sure that your parents are still happy with the situation, just tell your sister you've worked things out with them. If she pushes, reiterate that it's handled and her assistance isn't needed. Assuming you're keeping them in the loop with the house hunt and the timing of when you leave, though, you might as well just tell your sister as she's probably hearing it from them anyway. While it may technically be none of her business, it's not really worth getting upset over. As for the party, I think that if your parents have given you and your husband and children a room or set of rooms for your exclusive use during your stay and your sister wanted to use these for the party, it would be polite of her to check with you on the timing - but also not unreasonable for her to assume that your parents would check if she just asked them. You each seem to be assuming the worst of each other, and that's likely stressful for your parents if they're aware of it.

Yeah I'm from Ireland and families help each other out. Not unreasonable to hear of people staying with parents when buying a house or waiting for a rental etc. to save money. Fairly widespread/normal in Scotland, too. Certainly not something to sneer about. But some of these threads can get a bit monocultural and parochial at times.

@Greencustard and OP is whinging about her sister getting free childcare... I hope she paying rent for a family of five.

Which influencer is this?

When OP says her DS didn't ask her about the party I think she means she didn't ask her to the party, as in she and her kids weren't invited. And the babysitting I took it that the OP's DH was the one babysitting all the kids, not the grandparents who were at work.

You're stating the bleedin' obvious there. Of course it wouldn't be easy ffs but over here, we help family out.

In YOUR opinion. 70% of voters think she's not being unreasonable.

@Greencustard over there do you whinge about your sisters getting free childcare, for a visit to the pub?

Oh come on, I'm second generation Irish and it's not like that! You don't get sisters giving out about their parents giving them an odd night out! Or because they're hosting a DHC party.

You're focused on OP only, not looking at her whinging about her sister getting help.

You've made yourself look ridiculous!

@Greencustard it's not MY opinion! Good to see OPs not come back though......

I think that's confirmed CP's OP's identity...

I think the issue is that it's going to take months for family accommodation to be sorted. If the arrangement was to stay in the house just for summer that is going to be outstayed. It's not the sister you need to speak to it's your parents to work out how long they want the situation to continue as it isn't an indefinite invitation. If you aren't trying to find somewhere now but are meant to be moving in Autumn- whenever that starts for you, you are being unreasonable

This? If you plan to move for Sept you'd surely have the ball rolling by now and if you haven't, if i was your sister id be starting to get suspicious you are hoping to just sort of... Not go.
Have you sorted school place for your oldest child in the area you expect to move to?

She had my nephew’s birthday party at my parents house - in the main space my kids and I spend most of our time. Didn’t even bother to ask me. Just announced it.

Did she ask the actual owners of the house? It has nothing to do with you.

And her family are helping her out aren't they? People are just saying that she might be out staying her welcome and to be mindful of that, some in not such a nice way but the message is the same really. The op doesn't even know what area she is going to move to yet, nevermind being anywhere close to 'setting up house' after the summer. There is a point where it stretches from needing a hand up to taking the piss, the OP needs to watch she isnt getting close to that point. Expecting her parents to turf her out if they have had enough isn't really fair, they are doing the op a favour, the op should have the manners to move out well before it gets to that point.