Sister keeps asking when I will move my family out of my parents’ house

[KindNavyJoker]

Dh and I emigrated back to the UK with the kids after living abroad for 5 years. I have 3 young children aged 5,3 and 1.

Whilst dh and I get situated we are staying with my parents. We are lucky that they live in a beautiful home a short walking distance from a lovely high st. And the train into London is only a short walk away. My parents encouraged dh and I to enjoy the summer with them before jumping into setting up house. I appreciate this a lot.

It’s going well. I do my best to be a good house guest and so do my kids and dh.

Anyway, my sister was visiting (dropped off her kids for free babysitting before buggering off to pub) and whilst we were having a drink very directly started asking about my plans. And how I don’t want to take the piss etc. She pointed out how messy the living/diner/kitchen was ie cluttered with toys. But tbh I don’t see how this is relevant to her. I make sure to tidy up before my parents return from work.

I think us being here is more inconvenient for my sister as she has lost her second space. She had my nephew’s birthday party at my parents house - in the main space my kids and I spend most of our time. Didn’t even bother to ask me. Just announced it.

AIBU in thinking I am doing absolutely nothing wrong. My parents suggested exactly what I am doing.

We are having a great Summer after a stressful move before having to move to a cheaper, less picturesque area most likely.

I don’t think yabu. If I were your parents Îd do the same thing for my child and family. I’m sure they are happy you’ve returned to your home country with their grandkids.

'looking for houses' is a bit woolly? Moving isn't something that happens in a few days... Even if renting there are agent checks etc, it can take a while to secure somewhere? You sound a bit complacent - if you truly expect to be moved by early September I'm surprised you aren't quite worried at this point that you haven't actually secured a place to live?
Unless... You aren't actually fussed about moving any time soon....

Anyway, my sister was visiting (dropped off her kids for free babysitting before buggering off to pub) and whilst we were having a drink

You also buggered off to the pub and left the kids? She's probably a little jealous that you are paying no rent or something? If your parents are happy with this temporary arrangement then don't worry about what your sister thinks.

Surely your house hunting now as it can take a few months to find a rental or buy a house.

My sister is the jealous type and literally was also living at our mums and tried to stop me ever visiting. Even when I had my youngest who was really ill in scbu dm had offered to babysit my other dc overnight but my sister went into one saying no and the day of my discharge (with Ds still in nicu at that point) we had to pick the dc up at 9pm as sister was crying don’t want them there anymore (she was in her 20s at this point) on the day Ds was discharged again dm babysat we were bringing Ds to them then taking all dc home sister started calling a an texting saying we had been ‘too long’ and her dd was ‘the priority’ not my dc and to hurry up (we were held up with waiting for dr to sign something) she literally made me feel like shit so after that I went NC with her

How are you securing a school place when you don't actually know where you are going to be living - you already said in less desirable neighbourhood. I'm guess u don't want to move before school starts incase you lose your place at the school local to your parents

The line which shocks me is 'she buggered off to the pub'! Well, in my book, that's pretty rich from someone whose been squatting in parents' house with three kids.

Agree with previous comments, you come across as entitled.

You're 2nd generation, living in another country and telling me what it's like? 😂The irony of you talking about whinging. You're the biggest whinger I may have ever seen on Mumsnet.

This. Sheesh

What if their parents enjoy them hanging around ? Some families are close like this.

Mat leave is 12 months. Odd if your youngest is a year. You do sound spoiled Caroline OP

Agreed. Îm from the North and this wouldn’t be a problem either here. If you can help your kids out why wouldn’t you ?

@Greencustard people help their children out? Again why is OP kicking off about her parents helping her sister out?

My children in their late 20s have all boomeranged back home for different reasons!
It’s the world we live in 🤦‍♀️My children are level headed and care about each other…absolutely normal family dynamics.

It's up to the parents how the house is used and who has use of it. Neither sister has the right to be put out by the other. It does sound like the birthday party sister is trying to assert herself, though.

Are you surprised after all the nasty judgey posts that have been flung at her??? It's like a competition to see who can outdo other posters for being nasty!!! Some of the responses here are just horrible!

The OP's parents sound generous and caring. It's a lot to take in a family of 5, especially such little ones, but they seem to want to make up for the five years they missed out on. Presumably the sister has been benefitting from their parents' support during that time, and she's not keen to share.

Absolutely she (or their parents) should have spoken to the OP before using a space that the OP's family are currently using! That's rude and entitled right there! You don't just swan in and take over!

I would absolutely welcome any of my children back home, family in tow or not, if they needed it. Most decent parents would. I have had some of mine back more than once (thankfully not yet with family in tow, but...!) and none of their siblings ever had an issue with it.

The OP has already said that they are house-hunting - what more do you want them to do?

@KindNavyJoker tell your sister that this is between you and your parents, not her. Speak to your parents too and make sure they are still content with the arrangement. I hope you get settled in your new home very soon.

Did "bugger off to the pub" sister ask OP's DH if he would mind the kids??

What else would you expect them to be doing?

It's totally normal to live with parents (who are happy to host) when you relocate back home after working abroad. I know several families who have stayed with parents for a few months whilst house hunting.

I imagine your sister is feeling a bit pushed out. It's hard to know from your messages if this is justified or not but perhaps worth discussing further with her what she means by her comments?

@Runnerinthenight no not surprised at all the nasty judgy threads thrown at her....

Not one bit surprised

I am a bit shocked by the judgement on this thread. I have relatives who moved in with the MIL after 9 years abroad with their baby and they are staying indefinitely until they 'save up to start their lives nice in another area'.

No one in my family said anything. The dh is now a realtor which is a commission only job...so they may be there a while

@Runnerinthenight

Absolutely she (or their parents) should have spoken to the OP before using a space that the OP's family are currently using! That's rude and entitled right there! You don't just swan in and take over!

I agree 109% you don't just swan in and take over..... I wonder what made OP do that?

Evening Caz

Yep my kids can fall back on my home if they ever need it. Housing is hard enough as it is and I like to think they feel they have a safety net if they ever need it. Like my parents would have done with me if Îd needed it.

And you went with her. Hardly moanworthy.

you aren’t out of order staying.

you are out of order if you think she should ask your permission to access the house ever.