Sister keeps asking when I will move my family out of my parents’ house

[KindNavyJoker]

Dh and I emigrated back to the UK with the kids after living abroad for 5 years. I have 3 young children aged 5,3 and 1.

Whilst dh and I get situated we are staying with my parents. We are lucky that they live in a beautiful home a short walking distance from a lovely high st. And the train into London is only a short walk away. My parents encouraged dh and I to enjoy the summer with them before jumping into setting up house. I appreciate this a lot.

It’s going well. I do my best to be a good house guest and so do my kids and dh.

Anyway, my sister was visiting (dropped off her kids for free babysitting before buggering off to pub) and whilst we were having a drink very directly started asking about my plans. And how I don’t want to take the piss etc. She pointed out how messy the living/diner/kitchen was ie cluttered with toys. But tbh I don’t see how this is relevant to her. I make sure to tidy up before my parents return from work.

I think us being here is more inconvenient for my sister as she has lost her second space. She had my nephew’s birthday party at my parents house - in the main space my kids and I spend most of our time. Didn’t even bother to ask me. Just announced it.

AIBU in thinking I am doing absolutely nothing wrong. My parents suggested exactly what I am doing.

We are having a great Summer after a stressful move before having to move to a cheaper, less picturesque area most likely.

Nope.

I’ll despise grifting influencers until the day I die.

Especially arrogant, hectoring ones. If you don’t want your life criticised, don’t sell out your kids privacy for freebies and put your family at risk online.

I feel desperately sorry for the children of any influencers who show them online for money. They’ve been sold by their parents.

I am far too much invested in this thread!

Who the fuck do you think you are?

I was wondering this too. They may have had a rose-tinted fantasy of five of you staying with them for the summer and it'll be lovely to all be together but the reality is, it's chaos. They don't feel they can say anything because they invited you, but your sister is happy to make sure things will move on as planned and reduce the stress on your parents.

I agree with the others, sounds like your parents have been complaining to her. Where else would she get the idea you're no longer welcome?

My parents had my stepsister staying with them for months after she came back to the UK. SS thought they didn't want her to move out as they'd miss the kids, the 'rents couldn't wait for them to leave!

What's it to you?

I'd think it's likely your parents are starting to feel less enthusiastic about having a whole family move in with them. I'm sure initially it all seemed like a great idea - they missed you they wanted to get to know their grandkids but they most likely forgot how full-on young kids can be - how much noise and mess they make - how there never seems to be quiet time. You need to stop taking advantage of their generous offer - move out before they have to ask you directly and then everyone will feel bad.

Your sister didn't need to ask you if she could hold her son's party at the house, or even tell you. It's not your house, the only people she needed permission from was your parents, as it's their home. I do think your sister is perhaps miffed that you have returned and has taken up the space/time, she is used to having freely available to her, for so long. Your parents suggested you all stay for the summer, but we're now into August. It may be one of your parents made an off-the-cuff comment about 'not seeing much movement' or 'haven't heard about your plans', and your sister has taken it upon herself, to go the direct route and find out what your plans actually are! Have you started trying to find a property to rent/buy? Have you looked at different areas? You do need to start making concrete plans to move out. Finding somewhere can take time. If you're not careful, you will overstay your welcome.

@Itsallok

You were breathtakingly rude and presumptuous in your comment to the OP.
Who are you to call someone a 'waste of space'?

You’d sister mentioned how messy the kitchen, living room and dining room are. Could you take this on board, and tidy up more? Get a storage box tO put. the toys in at night. Don’t have them in every room etc. Tidy up in the kitchen after cooking etc. if your parents like a tidy house, this will be distressing for them.

The parents may not themselves know what exactly they think.

I got lots of signals from MIL that we had overstayed our welcome particularly when she started talking about moving her other daughter and her husband into her cramped home..I took this as a cue to step up our efforts to buy despite it being difficult in london with our budget. Thankfully prices did fall.

But ask her 5 years on, the narrative has changed, we could have stayed forever, if we need help we just move right back in
Etc etc i think loving parents love the idea of helping and theoretically like the company but the reality is often different but they feel like they can't chase their kids out..

It sounds like she’s probably looking out for your parents. If they’re anything like mine your DPs just want to help out and make you feel welcome but that doesn’t mean you’re not inconveniencing them even though they’d never say it. Your DS is probably noticing things she knows will bother your DPs like the mess and saying things your DPs are thinking but don’t feel able to say.

She’s encouraging you not to overstay your welcome with your parents as it sounds like you haven’t even considered the impact on them and you feel entitled to their house (even expecting your DS to ask your permission to use your DPs house as if it’s yours)!

YANBU by taking up your DPs offer but YABU if you’re planning to stay there as long as possible before having to move somewhere “less picturesque” and YABU to be annoyed by your sister pointing out some home truths. She’s more than likely just trying to speak up for your DP so you don’t take advantage of their hospitality and generosity.

(dropped off her kids for free babysitting before buggering off to pub)

This speaks volumes for your relationship with your sister.

Six of one and half-a-dozen of the other, IMO.

So you said in your OP

Anyway, my sister was visiting (dropped off her kids for free babysitting before buggering off to pub) and whilst we were having a drink very directly started asking about my plans

But despite her being completely out of order and just turning up for free babysitting to go out, you went along to the pub with her and left your husband with all the kids??? 😂

It sounds like you're both a bit weirdly territorial over your parents house.

This. Maybe you both take your parents for granted.

Absolutely this. I'm surprised OP can't see that.

Regardless of who the OP is, I agree with every single word of this.

Sure sure. Being a stay at home parent is not unemployment.

And I agree that perhaps ops parents have said something. This really does my head in because it's something my mother does. Bitches about each child to other children. Parents who are so bloody conflict averse they would rather sacrifice their kids relationships with each other than have the balls to raise any issues they have directly. It's pathetic.

Yes it’s pretty normal for GPs to babysit their DGC once in a while. Bizarre that OP is painting it like her DS is taking advantage of the parents because they agreed to babysit for a few hours and let her hold their DGC birthday party at their house yet OP is staying at their house with her kids for months and thinks that’s fine!

It sounds like she’s probably looking out for your parents. If they’re anything like mine your DPs just want to help out and make you feel welcome but that doesn’t mean you’re not inconveniencing them even though they’d never say it. Your DS is probably noticing things she knows will bother your DPs like the mess and saying things your DPs are thinking but don’t feel able to say.

yup I was thinking this and remembering when I’d been away from my mother’s country for a year or so.

I went back to voisitherand saw how tired she was. Really looked drained. Well, she’d been Cari g for my brother and SiL 2 children (5 and 7) everydayafterschoolfor a year telephony SiL who was not working but found it difficult to cope.

I was furious with my sibling, but my mother kept on saying that she didn’t mind, that she valued the time with her grandchildren. My SiL kept saying how much my mother enjoyed it. But my SiL had known my mother for 8 years. I was my mother’s daughter and I knew how my mother was really feeling but was too accommodating and polite to say. My brother and his wife really took advantage of my mother. My mother allowed it to happen, but I was quite protective of my mother.

Maybe your sister sees more about the situation than you do @KindNavyJoker as she’s on the outside and she’s been around for the last 5 years?

I guess she’s just shocked at the judgment you’ve turned up and thrown at the op with absolutely no basis. Being on mat leave for 12 months makes you a waste of space now? Why not just start a thread saying mums are a waste of space, and leave the op alone.

The ops dh was the one there to look after the kids, he hadn’t agreed. I have 3 and I have never ever in my life turned up at a relatives house just expecting that my brother in law will look after my kids while I go out. I don’t know anyone who has.

@Codlingmoths I suppose if the OP didn't bugger off to the pub with her sister, then the BIL wouldn't have needed to babysit?

Weird that OPs moaning about that, but joined her sister.