Sister keeps asking when I will move my family out of my parents’ house

[KindNavyJoker]

Dh and I emigrated back to the UK with the kids after living abroad for 5 years. I have 3 young children aged 5,3 and 1.

Whilst dh and I get situated we are staying with my parents. We are lucky that they live in a beautiful home a short walking distance from a lovely high st. And the train into London is only a short walk away. My parents encouraged dh and I to enjoy the summer with them before jumping into setting up house. I appreciate this a lot.

It’s going well. I do my best to be a good house guest and so do my kids and dh.

Anyway, my sister was visiting (dropped off her kids for free babysitting before buggering off to pub) and whilst we were having a drink very directly started asking about my plans. And how I don’t want to take the piss etc. She pointed out how messy the living/diner/kitchen was ie cluttered with toys. But tbh I don’t see how this is relevant to her. I make sure to tidy up before my parents return from work.

I think us being here is more inconvenient for my sister as she has lost her second space. She had my nephew’s birthday party at my parents house - in the main space my kids and I spend most of our time. Didn’t even bother to ask me. Just announced it.

AIBU in thinking I am doing absolutely nothing wrong. My parents suggested exactly what I am doing.

We are having a great Summer after a stressful move before having to move to a cheaper, less picturesque area most likely.

I was just looking at her insta. Those stories are wild. And intense.

So many questions.

How can you be on maternity leave after moving countries?

How did you child get a school place if you've not got a permanent address?

Why do you feel entitled to have your sister ask to use a house that's not yours?

The entitled one here isn't your sister...

Your both being unreasonable tbh!

Your parents invited you to stay but your sisters nose is clearly out of joint as she is used to the sole focus of grandparents being on her children and also the childcare.

You are being unreasonable to think your parents have to ask you what to do in their house.

It sounds like you both should be more grateful to your parents and stop with the contest.

Simply reply to your sister we were invited, plans were known and discussed between the parties and we are doing as agreed. There is no need to further discuss it.

I love how she’s on you and at the same time you’re saying she got free babysitting while she buggered off to the pub- your parents must be exhausted with the two of you bickering!!

This is very much a case of
you are imposing on our parents
Whereas
I am just doing as invited and our parents are delighting in my company

Neither of you are right or wrong. But it's a bit grim to both be squabbling over who gets to use your parents more. I understand the temptation -my parents also have a very beautiful big house- but really I think both of you can reflect a bit on your own behaviour while being a bit kinder to the otjee

If my DC and DGC had mostly been abroad for 5 years I would be jumping at the chance to have them staying for a while. Especially with your children's ages, its a chance to really make up for missed time and get them comfortable with their grandparents.

I would assume your sister is jealous as she's not used to her DC "sharing" their grandparents or her having to share attention or babysitting offers etc!

Did she turn up assuming though, or did she turn up, there were people there to look after the kids, so she asked her sister who has been away for five years if she’d like to go for a drink? And presumably you didn’t say gosh how unreasonable, you said are you okay to stay with the kids darling great thanks bye!

Honestly you sound as judgemental as each other. Its not her business how long you stay at your parents, and not your business how she uses your parents house.

@Bluebirdover it's normal for families to help eachother out and stay over the summer. Where I'm from in Europe it happens all the time and here I'm hearing 'I'd be annoyed if my sister was living rent free at my parents over the summer'. What?? So what she had her sons parties there for 5 years, things change. She was probably used to having her parents all to herself while her sister lived abroad for years. The sister is only staying for one summer after being abroad for 5 years. What's the problem.

Her sister owns half her mom’s/parents house

My sister and her family moved into my mother's house for 18 months and it was shit for everyone. My mum didn't feel she could tell them to move out, the house constantly felt chaotic and too full of things, she liked having the grandchildren around a lot, but struggled with never having quiet time & felt at times that she was being pushed out of her own space because my sister would want to cook her meals, set up things her way for her kids etc.

It also meant that my other siblings and I couldn't just have adult conversations when we visited. It was always visiting mum + sister + kids. It sucks to feel that you have to go elsewhere to escape. I'm not surprised your sister is trying to find out if you actually have a plan to move out, and I wouldn't be surprised if your parents had put her up to it.

Op’s parents have got tongues in their heads and they still work so probably not elderly.
If they want op to leave they should tell her themselves.

It’s more likely that the dsis is annoyed that her prodigal sister has turned up and is getting the fatted calf.

She's come back and started to change everything, because the prodigal daughter has returned.

They went abroad and family morns have been established.

Glad you're in the vast minority with your views.

Currently, neither you or your husband work. He doesn't go back to work until September. Are your parents really under the illusion that you'll be moving out come the end of summer? That's not happening.

It’s good that your parents are helping you. It’s not easy finding a place to live from abroad. Your sister still gets her babysitting so nothing has changed for her. I bet she has benefited from your parents helping her all the years you’ve been away. Remind her of this.

I bet she's also helped and entertained her parents whilst OP was away, remind her of that also?

I hope you are looking for somewhere to live - you seem to have 5 pairs of feet well and truly under the table.

Exactly my thoughts!

We are having a great Summer after a stressful move before having to move to a cheaper, less picturesque area most likely.

Will your DC stay at the naice school in your parents naice area, when you move to your considerably less picturesque area?

I suspect the OP won't be moving any time soon. Her child apparently has a place at a school, which I'm guessing they got by using the parents address.

Depending on their birthday the 3 year old will need to have an application done by January and then will come the excuse that she will have two kids in a school near nanny's house so it would be unfair to uproot them ...

I suspect the sister can already see this playing out.

I do feel quite sorry for cp’s mum, they’ve definitely taken over her house

Back in the real world it's not that easy to ask your daughter and her family who you love a great deal to leave knowing they have nowhere to go to is it? Surely you can see why a loving parent would suck it up to their own detriment to make sure that their child gets off to a flying start back in the UK whilst hoping that they fly the nest soon so you can get your life and routine back.

Just to add maybe the parents arent even moaning about it, maybe the sister can see a change in the parents mood/tiredness level/stress etc and is concerned.

@Bluebirdover hardly change everything! 🤣 Wow didn't realise families aren't allowed to help eachother.

What like have the DGC party in their home without consulting the prodigal daughter?

@Bluebirdover this sounds very personal to you. Resorted to insulting the daughter now. Why is she prodigal?

This is the sad reality. Parents always get closer to the kids who stay near