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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is my sisters accident my fault?

272 replies

Babybirdmum · 01/08/2024 18:02

—my sister fell over my child’s toy in my garden and broke her nose/hurt her front teeth.
-I called an ambulance, cared for her, hubby sent text afterwards, I said I’m sorry this happened.
-after I was saying how awful, I googled what happens when you bang your teeth. Kept saying it’s awful.
-she doesn’t remember me saying sorry but I guess she was in shock.
-we have a difficult relationship but have been getting on well recently.
-she phoned me to say if it was at a restaurant then she would sue them, implying that I should give her some compensation. (Because my mum said “she just wants an apology” and she said in the background “no I don’t, I want more”)
-I said are you joking and laughed. She look offence.she said speak to my lawyers (she doesn’t have lawyers so I did t know how to take this).—I was really upset. Accused her of asking me for money to fund her extravagant lifestyle.
-my mum was on speaker during the phone too. She said sister just wanted an apology.
-seems like she wanted money and because I got upset she was blaming me, changed it to wanting an apology. She said she didn’t think I was sorry it happened. I feel I’ve been very compassionate. Not sure what else I could’ve done?
-need outside opinions as I have no clue whether it’s me or her that’s in the wrong. I’ve apologised to her but she doesn’t care how hurt I feel about the phone call, especially when I feel like I’ve supported her.

OP posts:
Testina · 01/08/2024 19:20

Your mum was there, and you still called an ambulance?!!! Why???!

Dahliaaaa · 01/08/2024 19:23

Her wanting compensation is just as ridiculous as you calling an ambulance for a broken nose

Allthehorsesintheworld · 01/08/2024 19:23

MonsteraMama · 01/08/2024 19:12

Call her bluff.

"Not a problem, have your solicitor contact mine and we'll get the ball rolling."

Silly woman.

This.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 01/08/2024 19:25

You both need to dial it back down again.

Is she a lot younger than you? Sounds like it.

She had an accident and is feeling crap. You said it looks awful after reading up about it.
You took excellent care of her when it happened, but she was in shock and so that hasn't really registered with her.

Then the phone call. I don't blame you for being upset at her reaction, saying things about lawyers. It was unfair, but to play devil's advocate, she's probably crying and looking at her messed up face ( which will look worse in a few days when the bruising comes out) sorting out her dental bill etc and feeling very miserable.

Cut her some slack and let her get over the shock and the post-accident depression, and then both try to get over the argument. She clearly wasn't herself and when she upset you - neither were you because the accident was probably a shock for you too.

I don't think your Mum has been particularly helpful but it sounds like she was dealing with someone who was throwing a tantrum.

Do you owe her an apology? No. It was an accident. But it would be nice to say you are sorry she was hurt. If you want to maintain the higher ground, get in touch to say it was a terrible accident, must have hurt, how's she feeling etc. If your mum says it would go down well, visit with some chocs/flowers. She probably just wants to be made a fuss of. She doesn't remember your compassion at the time and is probably looking for some sympathy, why not give it to her? At least you can say "Well, I tried." This is probably more pandering than would be necessary in normal times, but she has had a nasty fall.

If that doesn't work and she's still talking lawyers, let her. You didn't do anything wrong and it would be difficult for her to sue. It's probably just bluster. It sounds like you two have a difficult relationship and it might be good to take a bit of a step back for a while and let things cool down. But at least you can say "Well, I tried."

Babybirdmum · 01/08/2024 19:25

No it was just me and the babies so I rang my mum to come then when the blood wouldn’t stop I rang the ambulance

OP posts:
andfinallyhereweare · 01/08/2024 19:25

If this happened to me at my sisters house we’d be laughing at how clumsy I was! It’s an accident. Why wasn’t she looking where she was going? You did all you could. Say sorry again and move on. Don’t beat yourself up.

keeperofdarktails · 01/08/2024 19:27

If she needs dental treatment then offer to pay her for it, especially if she's hurt. Otherwise maybe keep your head down, hopefully she'll get over it once the pain fades.

CottonwoolCubes · 01/08/2024 19:29

keeperofdarktails · 01/08/2024 19:27

If she needs dental treatment then offer to pay her for it, especially if she's hurt. Otherwise maybe keep your head down, hopefully she'll get over it once the pain fades.

Why? She wasn't looking where she was going. Why should OP fuel this dysfunction by paying?

OP, look after yourself and give them a wide berth.

Bluesteps · 01/08/2024 19:34

I can't believe you called a ambulance. No wonder the health service is on its knees

lazyarse123 · 01/08/2024 19:35

When did it become the norm to not take personal responsibility? I hate this attitude that everything that happens is always someone else's fault.

Runsyd · 01/08/2024 19:35

Do your mum and sister have form for scapegoating you?

DoesNotPlayWellWithIdiots · 01/08/2024 19:36

It's unfortunate she was injured but it was an accident, i.e. nobody's fault. Though, if anyone were to blame it would be your sister for not looking where she was going. She must have been aware there were toys in the garden beforehand. She obviously knows you have a child!

We took our dog to an enclosed dog field recently. As I was videoing the dog doing dog things I was walking backwards and next thing I knew I was flat on my back having tripped over a weight holding down the end of a tunnel! Presumably I put a hand out to try to stop myself because I sprained my wrist. Imagine if I'd suggested the owners were at fault for having agility equipment in an area specifically designed for dogs to exercise in! GrinGrinGrin

Cadela · 01/08/2024 19:36

keeperofdarktails · 01/08/2024 19:27

If she needs dental treatment then offer to pay her for it, especially if she's hurt. Otherwise maybe keep your head down, hopefully she'll get over it once the pain fades.

No do not offer to pay for dental treatment, outrageous suggestion.

She could have easily tripped over a rock or a stick. Who is she going to sue then? A tree?

Jifmicroliquid · 01/08/2024 19:36

Is your sister always a drama queen??
Tell her to get a grip. She fell over a toy and hurt herself, as do hundreds of people every day.

JudgeJ · 01/08/2024 19:37

meganorks · 01/08/2024 18:12

She needs to take responsibility for herself. Clearly what she is thinking is 'if this had happened somewhere else i could milk it for all its worth and get some money'. And she could try but wouldn't necessarily be successful. But she tripped over a toy in your house - that's on her.
I bet she is one of those people who would claim they had whiplash in any kind of car accident.

I'm not even sure that if she wasn't taking care in a restaurant and tripped over something that she would be successful in suing them. People have to start taking personal responsibility for their own stupidity.

SuchiRolls · 01/08/2024 19:39

Why does she even want an apology. How bizarre. I’m sorry you tripped and hurt yourself, but demanding an apology and more as though you did something. She wasn’t watching and tripped and fell. Why would it be any different in a public place? If you tripped over a chair leg that was just sat in a normal position, it would still not be the restaurant at fault. How ridiculous and irrational.

JudgeJ · 01/08/2024 19:39

lazyarse123 · 01/08/2024 19:35

When did it become the norm to not take personal responsibility? I hate this attitude that everything that happens is always someone else's fault.

I think it stems from the introduction of No Win, No Fee, there are a lot of lawyers who benefit handsomely from it.

IncessantNameChanger · 01/08/2024 19:41

Have you got liability insurance on your house insurance?

I'd keep quite. Say you already apologised and just let it drop. If she actually did try to come after you for damages I presume that's going to cost her and be a lot of effort.

If she was a friend you would be justified in saying she was batshit and putting miles between you. I'd never have her on my property again, for her own benefit to protect you her and tell her so. It's not worth the risk.

WillimNot · 01/08/2024 19:41

If she takes that to court they will laugh at her

Go no contact @Babybirdmum she sounds like a utter bitch.

JudgeJ · 01/08/2024 19:43

Londonrach1 · 01/08/2024 18:46

How can you be responsible for your sister not looking where she walks. It's a house with children and toys everywhere. Did you throw the toy under her foot? Suggest specsavers... (Joking)

I'm 76 and recently I fell over backwards in my garden, banged my head, hurt my elbow and my coccyx hurt like hell for a couple of weeks. Can I sue because of the hole I caught my heel in? The one left when I, a few minutes earlier, had removed an enormous weed from the lawn? Not everything is a lawsuit!

lazyarse123 · 01/08/2024 19:46

JudgeJ · 01/08/2024 19:39

I think it stems from the introduction of No Win, No Fee, there are a lot of lawyers who benefit handsomely from it.

Yes you could be right.

Mumandcarer80 · 01/08/2024 19:47

No she's being ridiculous. She should have been watching where she was going. She would be lucky to get someone willing to take the case on

BarHumbugs · 01/08/2024 19:48

Sunshineafterthehail · 01/08/2024 18:43

Counter sue her if she broke the toy.

And for anything she bled on.

Headinthesand21 · 01/08/2024 19:49

she is being ridiculous. It was an accident and nobody’s fault. She should have looked where she was going!
Dont offer any money or pay for anything.
You have nothing to apologise for
Her attitude is batshit

TeaGinandFags · 01/08/2024 19:51

She should sue your DC who left their toys in their garden.

OBS her painkillers have addled her brain. Don't let her back due to H&S.